Help!

[Browncoat10]

Hi! This is my first post, so sorry it's a very angst-y teenager-y question. But I do feel like I need some help.

 

So, I’m asexual but not aromantic. I don’t think. I thought I was, but slowly I developed feelings for this boy who had been a close friend of mine for about 2-3 years. He claims he’s been in love with me since we met. He knows I’m asexual and is 100% fine with it and understanding.

 

Anyway, I told him how I feel about him not that long ago, and, uh, cue a lot of conversations about whether or not we should actually go out, whether or not this is sustainable etc etc. He thinks it is sustainable, he says he loves me enough that he doesn’t care. I’ve sort of given up and gone along with this, but the thing is, we’re both only 17. He’s still a virgin, and he thinks he’s prepared to not have sex for as long as we’re together. And who knows how long that could be? That could be into our 30s. I like him a lot and I want to stay with him, but

 

a) I don’t think I love him as much as he loves me – I don’t think I can.

 

And b) I can’t ask him to not have sex from the age of 17 to however long. He thinks he’s ok with that but I just can’t ask him to do it. What if we break up and he’s a virgin in his 30s? Or what if he thinks he can stand it now, but 10 years down the line he gets bored and cheats on me?

 

I don’t know what to do, basically. Any advice much appreciated.

[thedemiace]

First, I think you're overthinking this. Just give it time, and see how it goes. Like the saying goes: Enjoy the ride.
Second, if he decided to wait and to even be understanding and patient, then why not accept his decision? If he sees that he no longer can do this, he will tell you. If you realize that he is trying to force upon you, or see him cheating on you, then you will then realize his true nature. This reasons are the reasons to break up.

 

My advices:
1) Don't overthink it.

2) Maybe one day you might be realize that you are demisexual or sex-positive asexual.

3) Just keep in mind the reasons to break up with him.

[Evil]

Hey there and welcome,

 

Firstly: Stay open and honest, it seems you are both already doing this amazingly well. Most if not all relationships have a mismatch on intensity of feelings so don't be too hard on yourself about that.

 

Secondly: Don't worry about 30 years from now, you are as you say still only 17. It does seem that even though you like him you still have a few reservations about this so take it week by week, see how it develops. Don't rush.

 

Lastly! If you are going to have regrets make sure to regret the things you did, not the things you didn't do. Take a chance, you never know.