pol12 Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 Cosmopolitan just posted an article called '8 Reasons Why You Should Rethink Your Stance on Cheating'. Some of the reasons are 'It affects Probably everyone you know', 'Treating cheating with shame only hurts people more' and 'Jealously in moderation isn't a bad thing'. Am I the only one who thinks this is outrageous? http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a14418794/rethink-cheating-esther-perel-state-of-affairs/ Link to post Share on other sites
Member4445 Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 The fuck? I’m 100% monogamous, always have been always will be and would never cheat on whoever my partner is, never have done, never would do. It shows a lack of integrity and disrespect towards ones partner. If you have feelings for somebody else, dump your current partner and get with the new person. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 What the hell?! You are right, this is outrageous! Cheating on your partner is wrong. I second Ciri on this: if you have feelings for someone else...or you just wanna sleep around...then just breakup with your partner. Cheating is never okay, it's hurtful and it shows a lack of respect toward your partner! Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 I've read other things Esther Perel says - she specialises in sexless relationships as well as infidelity. Allowing for Cosmo spin, I think her point is that infidelity is just one of the things that can go wrong in a relationship and cause feelings of hurt, betrayal and distrust, and making it into a uniquely special case where all that needs to be said is to damn the partner who cheated and console the partner who didn't is far too simplistic to be of much help to either of them. Did you read the part where she pointed out the LGBT+ relationships especially tend to involve not blindly accepting the norm? Link to post Share on other sites
Yatogami Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 Cheating is literally the worst thing one can do to their partner after abuse. If you are not happy in a relationship, that you can't get your needs met. You should find someone else. If you are in an open relationship, communication is still key with your partners. Everyone should be ok with everyone in the group. Since everyone will be affected in the relationship. Don't just bring in random strangers without telling your partners first. Good way to get STD's, and cause drama and mistrust. Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 Quote Cheating is literally the worst thing one can do to their partner after abuse. Why? It breaks trust and undermines what the cheated partner thought was the basis of the relationship, I agree. So does running up massive debt, for instance. So does never being there for them emotionally, for instance. So does not using contraception to get pregnant without telling them, for instance. So does bullying and coercive behaviour, for instance. How are these things worse for someone than cheating on them, to make it the worst thing you could do? Perel's point isn't that cheating is okay, its that it's a problem, and like most problems, doesn't exist in isolation, and depending on circumstances, may be something that can be recovered from. I find the attitude that it's some unique, irredeemable problem, different to anything else, especially odd from asexuals, who put no particular value on sex anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Yatogami Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 49 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said: Why? It breaks trust and undermines what the cheated partner thought was the basis of the relationship, I agree. So does running up massive debt, for instance. So does never being there for them emotionally, for instance. So does not using contraception to get pregnant without telling them, for instance. So does bullying and coercive behaviour, for instance. How are these things worse for someone than cheating on them, to make it the worst thing you could do? Perel's point isn't that cheating is okay, its that it's a problem, and like most problems, doesn't exist in isolation, and depending on circumstances, may be something that can be recovered from. I find the attitude that it's some unique, irredeemable problem, different to anything else, especially odd from asexuals, who put no particular value on sex anyway. It's worse because it means you practically don't love them anymore and are taking advantage of them emotionally, possibly financially, and literally wasting their life. Other things, the ones you mentioned can change and or be fixed within the relationship. Pretending to be in love with someone, as you date someone else behind there back is atrocious. You can't force people to love you. Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 1 minute ago, Yato said: It's worse because it means you practically don't love them anymore and are taking advantage of them emotionally, possibly financially, and literally wasting their life. Other things, the ones you mentioned can change and or be fixed within the relationship. Pretending to be in love with someone, as you date someone else behind there back is atrocious. You can't force people to love you. Doing any of those other things is just as unloving as infidelity. They're all removing choice from the other person and affecting them negatively just as much, possibly more in the case of imposing parenthood or debt on them. Link to post Share on other sites
Yatogami Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 5 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said: Doing any of those other things is just as unloving as infidelity. They're all removing choice from the other person and affecting them negatively just as much, possibly more in the case of imposing parenthood or debt on them. Except most of the things you mentioned are pretty normal in many relationships. No such thing as a relationship without problems. People work on them, because they love each other. Cheating isn't the same, and it's traditionally seen as one of the worse things you can do. You can disregard problems in your relationship, and still love someone. If you're cheating without prior problems, then you probably fell out of love with your spouse. Link to post Share on other sites
nothinbuttrouble Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 I always failed to understand why cheating is seen as so bad by people. I know this is because I've always seen sex and love as being totally separate and also don't place any value on sex. I get that people see it as a betrayal because they've broken a promise instead of okaying the sex with their partner first- but it has always seemed much less of a betrayal to me than many other things people do to each other. Especially considering one of the things people seem to fail at the most is denying sexual urges. If this wasn't so, the human population wouldn't be as large as it is. Also, it seems that the majority of couples that make it into the really impressive amount of years (married 50 years?!! no way) have endured cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Polygon Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 Wooo, yeah! Cheating, 100%! There's nothing I endorse more. Spoiler /s Yeah, this is very bizarre, though... It's one thing to consider poly relationships if every party involved is accepting and cool with it, it is another thing entirely to be an apologist for blatant deception, emotional manipulation, and for lack of a better term, supreme douchebaggery. Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 The article doesn't endorse cheating. It's a misrepresentative click baity post title on AVEN. Sneakily getting pregnant, runnign up massive debts, being emotionally unavailable for protracted periods of time, and being bullying and coercive really *aren't* normal in relationships - at least no more normal than infidelity. That's pretty much the core of her argument,and she's a very well respected expert in relationship counselling who has years of experience. Link to post Share on other sites
warrigan Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 i agree with her. maybe it's partly because cheating isn't personal for me, but i don't automatically label cheating as a negative act. of course there are cases where the cheater is unambiguously in the wrong, but i also think there are many cases where it's just a result of the two-way street of the relationship breaking down and it's more complicated. whatever; like i said, it doesn't really affect me but i do agree with the article. Link to post Share on other sites
Epitaph Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 I get why cheating is a thing. In the relationship, either one of the partners isn't satisfied with something. It's the hard truth a lot of people never want to hear. If your partner did it to you, there was something unfullfilled there. But that's life. People meet, they have a fling, they change over time and find themselves going different directions from one another. It's never pretty and it always hurts, but I will never not condemn cheating. I've always been straight with people I knew. I told them the ugly truth, and I moved on from the relationship. And it was hard to do. But nothing disgusts me more than trying to slither behind somebody's back when they believe they can trust you. It's in my personal opinion that collectively, men and women should have the balls to come out to thier partner and tell them when it's over instead putting on an act. I'll take a gut punch head on over a knife in the back any and every day. Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 All of which applies to lots of things apart from cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 A parent's infidelity also hurts and affects their children who, when they grow up, also struggle to develop relationships of their own, due to witnessing that lack of trust in their youth. This article is just one of several examples. https://www.huffingtonpost.com/vicki-larson/how-a-parents-infidelity-can-hurt-a-child_b_6751696.html Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.