Do you believe theres such thing as "too young to know what you want"?

[Aulora]

Do you believe that there's too young to fall in love? To know who or what you want? What do you think is the limit to these things? Do you think that you have to be older or experienced to know if you are in love or whether or not you feel love? How old where you when you first knew you were in love or where aromatic? If you haven't do you ever want to?

[The Maple Leaf Forever]

These things are highly individual and no one should be told they're too young to know what they want.

[Aulora]

1 minute ago, The Maple Leaf Forever said:

These things are highly individual and no one should be told they're too young to know what they want.

I agree, It was something I was told a lot, its interesting to me how many different opinions there are on the subject

[Maximum]

It may be related to the role and perspective of the speaker. Often when parents tell their children they are “too young to fall in love” it is motivated by medical and financial concerns which are not always apparent to the child.

[MrDane]

Hi @Aulora

you can at any age fall in love and know what you want. As a teenager you have to accept, that teenagers often change a lot and can be quite idealistic and dreamy. The younger you are, the more unexperienced about ‘controlling’ the consequences. I usually say to the teenagers:”dont get it as a tattoo, yet”

 

[Marisu]

I agree that one cannot be too young to proclaim they've fallen in love, so long as they fully understand the meaning of the phrase. I fell in love, head-over-heels, when I was 17 years old, although the person I fell in love with treated me pretty badly. Nonetheless, it is entirely accurate to say I was 'in love' with them. I was told I was too young to know that as well, but that is entirely false. Any young teenager who understands the meaning of what they are saying shouldn't have any reason to be doubted simply due to their age.

[Homer]

I don't think that you can be too young to know what you want. Yet the younger you are, the more likely it is that the things you want are going to change.

 

The only thing I consider to be complete nonsense is "I (don't) want x and I totally know that this won't change ever!"

[James121]

I believe so. I think someone who is younger and therefore naturally more immature can experience what they think is love but it can purely be that they are in love with the idea of being in love. 

[IronHamster]

There is a difference between chronological age and maturity.  I have known many millennials that have their shit together, and many older people that are a mess.  

[OpenAce]

i think some things, but others you can just know since a very young age. as long as you're aware that things can change and you're okay with that. (eg. I will be okay if i wake up tomorrow not ace, but im also fine if i stay ace into my old age.)

[Lucas Monteiro]

On 17/12/2017 at 11:00 AM, Grinchmer said:

I don't think that you can be too young to know what you want. Yet the younger you are, the more likely it is that the things you want are going to change.

 

The only thing I consider to be complete nonsense is "I (don't) want x and I totally know that this won't change ever!"

This phrase that you consider as complete nonsense, would apply to everything, even to sexual things ? Because it would be interesting if you think that would apply to even that. By the way, not judging, I am just curious.

[Kersenne]

I agree with Grinchmer

 

When you ask kids, they know what they want - there's nothing such as being too young to know - but indeed, the things you want can change. When I was young, I hated cheese (unbelievable for a French person!), I didn't like chocolate, I wanted twins and a little boy so that I could call them Tara and Lyra and Eragon... Well now I eat cheese and chocolate and I don't want children anymore (at least not twins and a boy just to give them specific names!). 

 

And I think wanting something also depends on whether one knows what the "want" is about. When you ask an eight year old if they want to have sex, in most cases they don't know what sex is (perhaps they read about it, or have heard about it, but in most cases they don't really know what it's about). In this case, they don't know whether they want to have sex or not, or other things. I say this because there was a case in France about a young 11 year old girl that has been sexually abused, and the judges said she had agreed to have sexual contact with the man who abducted her. In my conception, it is unbelievable that this little girl wanted to have sexual contacts with that man, even if she agreed to follow him because she didn't know what would happen. 

 

 

[Homer]

17 hours ago, Lucas Monteiro said:

This phrase that you consider as complete nonsense, would apply to everything, even to sexual things ? Because it would be interesting if you think that would apply to even that. By the way, not judging, I am just curious.

Yes. How do you know you won't want something, ever? Weird things happen. There's always a possibility, no matter how slim.

[Epitaph]

I know old men who are fools, young kids who are smart, and everything else in-between. I won't say I believe there's a "too young to know what you want" line in the sand that people can't cross, but I believe there's a statement that may run parallel. "Be careful what you wish for." With anything that you do in life, anything that you want in life, there is a cost to achieve it.

 

At the end of any decision process and endevour you have made, sometimes, when you look back on it, the thing you wanted cost you more to get it. In your own mind, you may say to yourself that the cost wasn't worth it. Everybody knows what they want. I think it's only a handful that can weigh the ramifications of pursuing what they want and are willing to accept the sacrifice neccessary to achieve it, let alone even understand that they are sacrificing something to begin with.

 

 

[pandabutt]

I believe that you're never too young to discover something about yourself. Things may change over the years when you grow up, but the people around you should still accept you for any identification you put on yourself.

[Lordyloo]

I think at the very least it depends on a persons mentality. Its true children know what they want but you will rarely find anyone below 10 worried about a real love and relationship as most kids are still weirded out by that kind of stuff. Their mind, body, and soul knows they don't really need it (or are ready)  at that point, thus there is nothing to figure out. So in my opinion, I think once that person hits puberty (since that is supposed to jump start actual feelings of attraction and hormones have had time to do their thing) and has an understanding of what this is they can declare 100 percent.

[Éadweard]

Yes, you can be too young to know what you want. That covers everything though, not just sexuality. It includes career paths, education, dreams, hopes, etc. Some people go through life never really knowing what they want. 

[Tzigane]

I don't think you can be too young to be in love, or fall in love. To me, that would mean that the experience of "love" is somehow fixed and can be measured, or graded as being more or less "real/true" based on, for example, age. Of course, you will gain perspective as you grow older and, as Grinchmer said, your idea of what you want will likely change as a result. However, that doesn't change the fact that, based on the knowledge you have at this exact moment in time - about yourself, your emotions, preferences, etc. - that this, what you're feeling now, no matter if you're 15 or 50, may be the strongest you've ever felt for anyone. Sure, it might not even come close in comparison to what you might feel for someone else in the future, but your frame of reference can only ever be what you have experienced so far.

[Ortac]

My opinion on this is that the answer to this question is not a simple yes or no.

 

Many people do know from a young age what exactly they want. Some people change their mind about what they want. No big deal. It is of course possible and perfectly valid for someone (of any age) to not know what they want.

 

If a child or young person knows that they do not know what they want, and they hold the opinion themselves that they need more life experience to work out what they do want, that is fine. In that respect, there is such a thing as being too young to know what you want.

 

However I don’t think that it is right for an older person to tell a younger person that they are too young to know. We all know our own minds, but we cannot read those of other people.

 

I think it is fine for a parent or older person to advise (or even warn) a younger person that because they are young, they have a longer life ahead of them and there is therefore the possibility that they may change their mind about what they want later in life. Of course if you have a child or younger friend or relative in your life that you care about, you would want them to consider carefully before taking any actions at a young age that are difficult or impossible to reverse.

 

However to say to any child or young person that they are too young to know what they want when the child does not hold that view themselves is in my opinion patronising and disrespectful. I think that a lot of the time, children and young people have much more maturity and intelligence than adults give them credit for.

 

All that being said (and I realise that this kind of contradicts what I have just said, but it is not a simple topic) I am absolutely in favour of laws which state that persons under the age of consent are legally incapable of consenting to sexual activities. Whilst I think that children can be mature and know their own minds, they can also be vulnerable and do require protection.

[CozyPosie]

No. Love isn’t bound by age. I fell in love with someone before I was 13. I’m 27, and this love hasn’t died still. However, in my experience, one must be weary about entering a romantic relationship. But it heavily depends upon maturity. I recently got out of a 7 year relationship. I love this person still, but I regret stifling our love because of a relationship. Neither of knew that we weren’t attracted to each other romantically. We had everything else, but were terrible in a relationship together.

[Perissodactyla]

Think about how you take care of a flowering plant which is pretty and makes you happy as you give it your loving attention by caring for it.

 

You water it and give it sunlight, but just the right amount. Not too little and not too much.

 

It grows slowly and you become even happier. Don't forget to repot it as the roots grow.

 

 

Let's say that flowering plant is a person who sees You as a pretty, flowering plant, which it cares for, too.

 

You can be together often, but just the right amount of time together, not too little and not too much. Just right.

 

So love is a bit like that. You can experience love at any age, and the trick is to feel how much is too little and too much, as you grow together in your love.

 

 

A lot of people you know will either encourage your love or discourage it, since they are also trying to care for you and protect you in various ways, even if they don't really understand your love and care, as you experience it in your unique way.

 

Trust your own experience and try to feel if you are giving and receiving too little or too much. And communicate about it, as this is how you really learn to love in time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Galactic Turtle]

I think everyone knows what they want at any given time. The thing is what people want changes over time, usually more rapidly so when they are younger than when they are older.

 

As for things like romance... I'm not sure. I've had the same opinion on it my entire life, only intensifying when put into similar-looking situations. The more I see and learn about physically intimate relationships - from with love is thought to grow from - the more strongly I feel about them, that I don't want that. The older I get the more I wish things could be like when I was young and in school with all of my friends exploring various topics together. These days I find something similar in my meeting up with my friends from time to time and talking about our careers or things we've seen or wish to see together someday. So, tentatively, I've come to ID as aro-ace at age 24.

[Aza159]

Myself, as a thirteen year old who has had many people tell me I "have my shit together" don't really think there's such a thing as being too young to know what you want. I have decided, since the age of nine, to enlist in the military after I finish college, specifically in the Marines. I know the university I want to go to, and I have already signed up for the two classes that will benefit both my career and the university I plan to go to for when I go to high school next year. I want to get my classes done early in high school so I can have space for extra alternatives. I know what I want to do after the Marines and have a basic layout. But I am also aware that things probably won't turn out as smoothly as I might hope. Maybe I won't return from the Marines. Maybe I'll decide to go right after high school instead of college. Maybe I won't be able to pay for university. Maybe I won't be too good at the job I get during high school. 

And yet I know if I prepare and can be ready for anything, then I've got nothing to worry about. So no, I don't believe there's such a thing as being too young.

[Sally]

Someone who is very young knows what they want at any given moment.  But a very young person -- say, below age 20 -- doesn't always have the neurological maturity to make good decisions.   Thus they may go after what they want without considering the consequences.  That applies to just about everything in life, definitely including relationships.  

[98slbrookes98]

On ‎16‎/‎12‎/‎2017 at 2:11 AM, Aulora said:

Do you believe that there's too young to fall in love? To know who or what you want? What do you think is the limit to these things? Do you think that you have to be older or experienced to know if you are in love or whether or not you feel love? How old where you when you first knew you were in love or where aromatic? If you haven't do you ever want to?

No. You're never too young. I had an unrequited love for my female best friend when I was 9 and then for another female best friend when I was 22. I started having crushes on female teachers when I was about 9-10 (though I never told them) and they wore off. Regardless of whether or not what you feel changes in the future, at any given moment you feel the way you feel regardless of how old you are. 

[Hopeless romantic]

I think as you grow your experiences in life guide you to what you want and don’t want. We learn what we love and what we hate. But you’re never too young to love. I think love means different things at different points in our lives but it doesn’t make it any less special. I’m 25 and I’m still learning about who I am.  I loved many times in many different ways. I understand it better now.