Getting emotional

[RuCookie]

I'm not really certain where this particular topic belongs, and I've spent some time looking things over for possible answers. I know that I am an emotionally charged person. In fact, my emotions tend to be fairly extreme. It took me a while to quantify what happiness was until I figured out it was my usual emotion. I'm a very carefree individual after all. I don't experience anger often, but when I attempted to talk to friends about it I always felt it was overwhelming. Like I wanted to just tear things apart and break stuff (Not really hurt people because I couldn't ever bring myself to do such a thing), I always described it as being irrationally angry because I felt like I was far angrier than I should really be. My friends didn't really understand that because they said anger is a natural reaction, but I don't think they know how angry I felt inside. Sadness and depression have also been completely overwhelming.  I'm usually pretty good at keeping a face in front of others, but when I start feeling down I'll almost always find somewhere private and cry. Sometimes I cry more than once in a day, sometimes I have really long cries, but I always let it out because if I don't I'll just break down and it'll happen anyways.

 

Where I'm going with this is that I've always felt the need to be emotionally attached to others. I'm not sure if this is something that developed due to societal standards, or a desire from my parents but I've always felt like I should have someone that counts as a boyfriend or girlfriend. Someone I can talk to and share how I feel, and someone that does the same with me. Someone that wants or is at very least willing to cuddle. I'm not a stickler for how intimate it is, but I do feel a need for some physical contact. It's something that I can get from close friends in small doses via hugs and occasionally emotional times for them when I'm the one they turn to but without a relationship, I feel like that's all I can get. Now I believe that I'm aromantic because I don't really understand romance.  I'm not a romantic person. I don't do romantic things. Or if I do, it's the exact same as doing it with a normal friend.

 

 

I understand that everyone is different, and maybe this is difficult to understand. I'm looking for guidance and support really. I'm secretly hoping someone can understand what it's like to deal with strong emotions and desiring a relationship without feeling romantically involved. I feel like I might be confused about what I am and how I feel because of how emotional I can become. Like I said, I don't know if I even really understand what romance is or how it even applies to me. Maybe I'm in some sort of gray area because I do want something intimate, but I don't know how to explain or quantify it?  I'd just appreciate even hearing what others might have to say, or point me in directions where I could learn more either about myself or someone similar.

[Yep, me]

Romance by definition is a specific form of strong emotional bond, specifically love.

[RuCookie]

But I suppose that's where I'm confused or uncertain. I don't really know how to quantify or understand love as it is. I don't know that I don't get emotionally attached to what I consider platonic friends.  I wouldn't say I'm romanticly involved with them after all.

 

If they wanted to split off and spend time with other people, I would still hurt. I'd likely be more confused though, since they lack the proverbial title that I associate with that sort of separation. 

[RuCookie]

I suppose it's also accurate to say I don't get amorous or passionate about anyone. It's just not who I am, and I understand that might make me seem distant since small affection is all that naturally comes from me. Usually in the forms of hugs/cuddles, and small kisses on the cheek or neck.