Jump to content

Friends and advice needed


Day-Z

Recommended Posts

I recently got a crush on a co-worker and found myself loving everything about him. He was funny, kind, and understanding. We have all the same interests and always had a wonderful and comfortable time together it felt perfect. I still really like him none of these things have changed. My problem stems from him being not only sexual but very sexual. he agreed to try this relationship on the terms i would attempt to try and get somewhere with him. I had been hoping maybe i could be Demi for him but as the weeks rolled by i just ... couldn't and still can't. This morning after he left from hanging out he texted me he wanted to take a small step back from our relationship because he is getting frustrated. I'm not mad at him i understand he has needs and its not fair to him to put them aside for me.  I had been avoiding the thought of "maybe this wont work." but with that text i feel like it became real it probably won't. I'm a virgin and feel i should at least try it with him but i just can't i pep talk myself but when the night comes i do everything to avoid it "i have a head ache" "oh i need to go home cuz reasons". I don't want to lose this but even if i have sex with him and its not bad i feel i just wont ever be able to be very active about it. When i try to think through all this all i can come up with is "I don't know". I don't know why i can't bring myself to try. I don't know what i want anymore. One reason i thought i could maybe be Demi was because i did occasionally get a sexual urge but after dating him that honestly went away somehow it was like when i needed it most it finally stopped plaguing me. The logical part of me says i should just stop i tried and it didn't work out the emotional side is crying and begging me to do anything i can to save this.  i don't know what it is i'm asking for from you guys but i know sitting here stewing in my own thoughts has only depressed me further.

Link to post
Share on other sites

So you said you'd attempt to try to have sex with him? You don't have to keep up your end of a bargain like that if you don't want to.

 

Does he know you're a virgin demisexual? And do you think he understands what demi means? Even though he's a very sexual person, he's still asking for an extraordinary favour from you and he should be aware of that. If you are demi, the relationship has only been happening for a matter of weeks and demis often need a lot more time, which is something you could tell him. Not that you should keep promising potential future sex if that's something you don't truly want, though.

 

Have you cuddled or slept together platonically? I'm just speculating here, but maybe you'd be more comfortable getting physical with him gradually, rather than quickly moving to sex. You could ask him if he'd enjoy cuddling, sleeping together, being undressed together, and sharing similar forms of physical intimacy in stages over a period of weeks or months or years to help you get used to being so close. However, these would have to be things in which you'd be comfortable participating.

 

If this is the end of it, at least you'll have learned some things about yourself that will help in choosing and being with future partners.

 

It sounds like you might be unsure if you're demisexual or asexual. Based on what you've written, it's hard to tell because it's still relatively early in your relationship. Regardless, I can see why it would be difficult to figure out how you feel or to decide what to do next.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I am Demisexual, my partner is Sexual. Our relationship is a full time job, but we both feel that it is worth the investment 

 

One thing we do that helps a lot is to watch Romantic Movies where the characters remind us of ourselves. It is my partner in the main that finds these films for us. She has a bit of a flair for this. She finds romantic movies where the characters have similar personality traits to ours, and where there is very little physical sex shown in the movie

 

This works for us!!! It helps keep us both on the same page. It helps us find common ground and as we chat about the characters in the movies we learn about where each of us are coming from

 

A great movie to begin with is Life is Beautiful. If you do decide to give this one a try please do try to find a version that is dubbed into English. It is often sold in Italian with subtitles and we have found that that version is not quit so good

 

We have quit a few other films that we could tell you about but like I have said the films we have are more specifically a match for my partner and I. You and your partner might enjoy movies that are quit different to us.

 

 IMDb have many great romantic films and, if you feel you need to know, they will also tell you how much or how little sex is displayed in the movie. Might be worth a shot. This works for us!!!!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...