How do I know my sexuality?

[Foxy<3]

I don’t care for sex. But once I like/love someone, I keep thinking such dirty things involving them. And if it’s out in the open and the person feels the same way you I become a total sexual deviant but only with that person.

Also, most of my crushes have been males but there have been a few females, so gender doesn’t necessarily matter. And I always end up falling for someone after knowing them for a month or two (sometimes more).

 

Am I a pansexual or demisexual? Maybe possibly a little bit of both?

[Telecaster68]

Quote

 if it’s out in the open and the person feels the same way you I become a total sexual deviant but only with that person.

If you actively want to have sex with them for your own benefit, not purely to make them feel good, or to get pregnant, or curiosity... only wanting to have sex with someone you like/love and know, is fairly standard sexual behaviour. And if it happens with males or females, you're bi. 

[Foxy<3]

I want to have sex with them primarily because I want them to feel good. It gives me pleasure seeing how good it makes them feel. 

My secondary reason is because I want to be as close to the one I like/love as I possibly can.

[Telecaster68]

Another way to look at it is to ask yourself if you'd be upset if you never had sex again. 

[Galactic Turtle]

3 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Another way to look at it is to ask yourself if you'd be upset if you never had sex again. 

Or asking yourself if you'd be just as happy/prefer being in a relationship with someone who had no interest in having sex with you.

[Foxy<3]

I’d be fine without sex but I’d rather not at the time being (I feel a strong feeling toward someone that is definitely not just friendship anymore)

[Galactic Turtle]

4 minutes ago, Foxy<3 said:

I’d be fine without sex but I’d rather not at the time being (I feel a strong feeling toward someone that is definitely not just friendship anymore)

Personally I am of the opinion that if you regularly develop sexual feelings for people you like as "more than a friend," you view sex as the pinnacle of emotional and physical of closeness you could have with someone you're romantically attracted to, and those people can be both men and women, then you are bisexual/pansexual. 

 

Though on AVEN we're not allowed to tell you what to ID as. What I said is simply my own personal opinion.

[Foxy<3]

Just now, Foxy<3 said:

I’d be fine without sex but I’d rather not at the time being (I feel a strong feeling toward someone that is definitely not just friendship anymore)

I have no idea what he feels like because he’s asexual and is very hard with him to distinguish if he possibly likes me or is he just being his friendly self. He does act different around me and I don’t know if he likes me or sees me as his best friend.

[Telecaster68]

It sounds like you're in the gray area of bi to me. 

 

Demi means only developing sexual feelings towards someone you've known for a long while without any initial thoughts of the relationship turning sexual. If you'd never known them that long or well you'd be fine without sex, ever. Gray is just 'hardly ever sexual and then not very much', from what I can gather. 

[Telecaster68]

Foxy, don't answer if you don't want to, but have you had any actual sexual experiences (not necessarily PIV but oral, hand jobs, etc)? 

[Galactic Turtle]

4 minutes ago, Foxy<3 said:

I have no idea what he feels like because he’s asexual and is very hard with him to distinguish if he possibly likes me or is he just being his friendly self. He does act different around me and I don’t know if he likes me or sees me as his best friend.

Well this is a new dynamic. XD I always tell my friends that the best way to know if someone likes you like that is to ask. Apparently this is seen as being too blunt/forward. Better than dancing around each other for months at a time in my opinion.

 

Some asexual people are more open to having sex with their partner to make them happy even if they don't seek it out or desire it for their own purposes. As with any relationship I think it's best to just kinda feel things out. Every relationship is different and unique to the people involved in it. Everyone has their own limits and preferences and sometimes you won't know what those are until you get there.

[Foxy<3]

3 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Foxy, don't answer if you don't want to, but have you had any actual sexual experiences (not necessarily PIV but oral, hand jobs, etc)? 

 Don’t mind answering that, so yes 

[Telecaster68]

If, when things started to turn from non-sexual contact, to definitely sexual, your partner had stopped you, how do you think you would've felt?

[Foxy<3]

1 minute ago, Telecaster68 said:

If, when things started to turn from non-sexual contact, to definitely sexual, your partner had stopped you, how do you think you would've felt?

I’d be fine, though I’d feel a little awkward

[Telecaster68]

Most sexuals would be frustrated and disappointed because they'd be looking forward to the sexual experience for themselves as much as their partner - which isn't to say they wouldn't be understanding and polite about it too, but they'd definitely preferred to have carried on.

 

Asexuals on the other hand would just be relieved.

[Foxy<3]

17 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Most sexuals would be frustrated and disappointed because they'd be looking forward to the sexual experience for themselves as much as their partner - which isn't to say they wouldn't be understanding and polite about it too, but they'd definitely preferred to have carried on.

 

Asexuals on the other hand would just be relieved.

I wouldn’t be disappointed or relieved as long as he doesn’t feel awkward around me after that 

[iff]

moved from sexual partners, friends & allies to the gray area

 

iff

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sexual partners, friends & allies