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Questions from a very new member of the community


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Good evening,

 

Please forgive me for my mistakes, I'm not an English native speaker !

I am a seventeen years old girl, who just found out she was asexual. I'm not yet sure about the type of asexuality that defines me as it is very recent (like... I understood 20 minutes ago that I was asexual...)

I did some quick research and started to find some terms that might actually describe me - maybe fraysexual - but I'm really not sure and there's a lot of information overwhelming me right now. 

I'm able to experience sexual attraction only in fantasies or masturbate so I was never sure if it could be defined as asexuality. In real life with a partner, I can't really feel anything and I am sometimes repulsed by the idea of having sex. I can't even kiss anybody...

I don't feel bad about being asexual, finally I understand myself better. However, in all honesty, my first reaction when I understood my sexuality was to cry. I feel I am a very romantic person, and I really want someone to love me for who I am. But I'm terribly afraid I won't ever satisfy my partner. My actual boyfriend sees me as distant and would like to have sex with him (that's how I got to find out I was asexual) and I feel like it is important for him... I am not angry at him, as I fully understand his attraction but still, I will not force myself into a sexual intercourse if 1) I don't want to and 2) I won't even feel good ... 
So here are my questions :

 

1. What should I do with my boyfriend ? I am afraid to talk to him, plus we're young and he might tell his close friends but as I'm not confident about it yet, I really want my sexuality to stay private for now

2. This might seem a bit stupid but... will I ever find true love? I mean... Are most asexual persons finding true love in their life ? Is it possible to be in a relationship with a sexual person ?

I'm so lost, and terribly afraid. But thank you to the community ! Now I can understand myself a bit more :) 

PS: Where can I find precise descriptions of every type of asexuality ? I did not understand everything I read, so I'm looking for really detailed definitions ! 

 

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Welcome to AVEN! For your questions, try looking in the Asexual Relationships forum. And what do you mean exactly by "every type of asexuality"? There aren't really separate types of asexuality, though there are many differences between asexuals.

 

 

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Thank you, I will post it in the other topic !

By every type of asexuality, I was referring to the different existing labels.

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5 minutes ago, NebulaX said:

By every type of asexuality, I was referring to the different existing labels.

You mean like demisexual and grey-asexual and the like?

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Here's a list of a few of them: 

Also, it's okay if you don't know a lot yet. We're here to help you learn.

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