Is it normal to not be able to imagine myself in sexual fantasies?

[Flump222]

I ID as ace right now, and I wanted to try an experiment. I thought of a bunch of people I know, even the one person that I've ever had a crush on, and tried to imagine myself in a sexual fantasy with them, I just couldn't. I had no attraction to them. Even if I could form an image of them in my head, i was not at all aroused. Is this normal? Is this another sign of being ace?

[Lichley]

It's perfectly normal. Plenty of us on here have never experienced that, and it certainly sounds akin to a lack of sexual attraction. 

[fuzzipueo]

Yep, same here.

[Light02]

I can imagine other people having sex and might even get aroused by it but I can't imagine myself doing that. If I do it's not a turn on in the slightest.

[Guest Deus Ex Infinity]

Of course it is. Nothing to worry about. You must not try to Imagine something that makes you feel wrong. Just leave it aside. 

[everywhere and nowhere]

I once created a topic about whether ONLY (some) aces are autochorissexual (that it, with tendency to have third-person erotic fantasies). It always seemed to me that this term only decribes a minor aspect of a person's sexuality and could very well be typical for both some aces and some allosexuals. However, some facts I've noticed before (through the Polish asexuality forum): someone, reading examples of allos' fantasies, found no third-person examples; some allosexuals were genuinely surprised that "there is such a thing" as fantasizing in third person. So someone suggested in the topic I created that perhaps only fantasizing in third person is indeed an indicator of asexuality or something close.

Personally I only fantasize in third person. I'm libidoist, but sex-averse and it's not just that trying to imagine myself in a sexual situation doesn't arouse me, it feels disgusting. It feels like something that should never happen. Besides, I reject the idea of "normal". There is one definitely abnormal thing: doing harm to others. But such a tiny thing as the way one exeriences erotic fantasies? Really, why should one even worry about it? It just is as it is. Why does fantasizing in first person seem to be thought to be the only "correct" way to have erotic fantasies? However, as for the last question: yes, exclusively third-person fantasies do seem typical for aces.

[Shadowstepper]

1 hour ago, Nowhere Girl said:

So someone suggested in the topic I created that perhaps only fantasizing in third person is indeed an indicator of asexuality or something close.

I've been 'round the net and porn in general long enough to know that there are entire groups of people that get off on watching (watching strangers, watching their spouses, whatever). Not that they ONLY watch, but they enjoy watching as a sort of foreplay before they engage in sex.

 

These people's fantasies are often from the viewpoint of not being the person in their fantasy, with the 3rd person perspective giving them an almost voyeuristic approach to their fantasy.

 

Long story short, asexuals aren't the only ones that fantasize in 3rd person, although examples I've seen have similar mindsets, being that the fantasy has nothing really to do with them. 

[Janus the Fox]

I think most don't have many, if any sexual fantasies, depends how much a person values sexual performance and the curiosity of truing something sexually new. 

 

I had no fantasies outside fetish and within written or virtual communities.  When in a start of my relationship, there's only a few things that I ever did once, from such fetish fantasy curiosity, most of which, does not work for me.

[-satellite-]

I have fantasies in first person from somebody else's perspective, if that makes sense. I can only imagine them from the POV of alter-egos. The thought of my actual self having sex is an immediate turn-off.

[Sally]

Anything that you feel is normal for you, and that's all that counts.  

[Marta77]

Yes of course it's normal. I can't imagine having sex with someone. I'll get such an disgusting feeling and I feel humiliated.

[Homer]

On 13.12.2017 at 11:19 PM, Flump222 said:

Is this normal? Is this another sign of being ace?

Yes, it's normal. No, it's not related to asexuality. A lot of "regular sexuals" can't / don't picture themselves in these situations either.

 

There's a 'label' for this kind of thing of course, but I forgot what it was. Auto... something.

[Pramana]

59 minutes ago, Grinchmer said:

Yes, it's normal. No, it's not related to asexuality. A lot of "regular sexuals" can't / don't picture themselves in these situations either.

 

There's a 'label' for this kind of thing of course, but I forgot what it was. Auto... something.

Sorry, but you're dead wrong here in claiming that this isn't related to asexuality:

"Fourteen percent of asexual women and 12% of asexual men in the current sample reported having sexual fantasies that did not involve other people, compared to less than one percent of sexual women, and none of the sexual men in the sample... The largest distinguishing feature between fantasies of asexual individuals compared to sexual individuals was the former’s increased likelihood of having sexual fantasies that did not involve them. This provides evidence for Bogaert’s (2012b) identification of a phenomenon he coined‘‘autochorissexuality,’’or identity-less sexuality, defined as ‘‘a disconnect between an individual’s sense of self and a sexual object or target’’(Bogaert, 2012b, p. 1513)... Put another way, despite having sexual fantasies that involve other people or things, these individuals do not experience subjective sexual attraction, where the‘‘subjective’’aspect refers to the sense of ‘‘me’’or‘‘I’’of their identity. This raises the possibility that subjective sexual attraction might represent another dimension of sexual orientation, with (some) asexual individuals being at the non-subjective polar end of a subjective/non-subjective orientation dimension."

Morag A. Yule, Lori A. Brotto, Boris B. Gorzalka, “Sexual Fantasy and Masturbation among Asexual Individuals: An In-Depth Exploration”, Archives of Sexual Behavior 46:1 (2017): 311-328. 

[Homer]

Hmmm... most of the sexual folks I talked to told me that they don't picture themselves either. Granted, my sample size probably is considerably smaller than some actual scientific research, but still

[Island-Of-Dogs]

On 12/13/2017 at 5:19 PM, Flump222 said:

I ID as ace right now, and I wanted to try an experiment. I thought of a bunch of people I know, even the one person that I've ever had a crush on, and tried to imagine myself in a sexual fantasy with them, I just couldn't. I had no attraction to them. Even if I could form an image of them in my head, i was not at all aroused. Is this normal? Is this another sign of being ace?

I've run a similar experiment and can report similar results, so you're certainly not the only one who experiences this.

[Pramana]

9 hours ago, Grinchmer said:

Hmmm... most of the sexual folks I talked to told me that they don't picture themselves either. Granted, my sample size probably is considerably smaller than some actual scientific research, but still

The sample size for this study was 351 asexual participants and 388 sexual participants. There may be a relevant difference between sometimes picturing yourself versus never picturing yourself.

[Homer]

That's more than I have

[Telecaster68]

There's a difference between being involved in your fantasy and actually picturing yourself, which in itself is a bit dissociative.

 

I'm very much involved in mine, but they involved imagining the other person doing stuff with me, but not visuals of me. That would be *awfully* offputting. The visuals are strictly about them.

[Éadweard]

I don’t imagine myself in sexual fantasies and I consider myself normal. 

[Warsaw]

I could imagine standing across the room from a nude woman.

 

Most of my fantasies are nonsexual.  I have one where I crown a woman in flowers, admire her, ask her to spin for me, and then remove them.

 

I have others involving elaborate role play whete she is a Baronette, and I am a Knight, and I am trying to garner her favor through deeds.

 

Stuff like that.  I rarely picture myself in 3rd person.

[Telecaster68]

Not to be too personal, but you actually masturbate to doing knightly chivalric deeds? 

[Warsaw]

46 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Not to be too personal, but you actually masturbate to doing knightly chivalric deeds? 

Nope.

[Warsaw]

It's just an elaborate mental exercise, I'd be doing the same in DnD if I actually cared to go and buy the rulebooks, and find others willing to play.

[Warsaw]

It's just a product of too many fantasy novels, prog rock, genre movies, then spinning them around in my head constantly.

[Telecaster68]

So they don't involve sex, and you don't use them when you're masturbating. I'm struggling to see how they're sexual fantasies. They sound more romantic than sexual. 

[Warsaw]

Romantic fantasies are as close as I can get to sexual, well without going through personal experiences, which are very limited.  But an answer to the origional question, sexually I can imagine standing across the room from a nude woman, or perhaps laying on my back and looking up at her.  I can picture myself in these two limited scenarios.  It would be the equivalant to reading a Playboy vs internet pornography.  That is asthetic attraction instead of sexual anyways.

 

I've tried to piece it further, but almost always hit a mental roadblock where I can't actually picture the act of sex anymore, at least with me as a party.