Feeling sad and lonely...

[Stray_Cat]

I'm 16 and I realized I was an asexual heteroromantic two or three years ago.

I'm really open about my sexuality and if people question me about it, I explain everything to them. Of course, there are sometimes impolite remarks, but I'm a pretty chill person, so I often dismiss them without worrying too much.

But today was different.

The boy I have a crush on usually calls me every day and we talk about a lot of things. I don't know how we landed on the sexuality topic, but when he asked me if I knew that a certain girl we know might be bisexual, I told him that even if she was, that was great for her.

He knew that I was asexual and he told me that that is strange. I brushed it off like always because everyone who knows my sexuality tells me that, but then he told me that if I had a boyfriend he would want to have sex with me.

Then he asked me a question I personally hate: Don't you want kids when you grow up?I don't want kids. I feel uneasy around babies especially if I have to look after them. I told him that no, I didn't have any interest in having babies and in that moment I started to feel uncomfortable. He proceeded to tell me that It was impossible that I didn't want kids, that it was the best thing in the world and that there is no bigger joy than to have a baby. At this point, I hoped he would stop talking about this and that we could talk about other things. The drop that spilled the glass was when he started to talk about Christianity and how homosexuality is wrong (even though he stated that he didn't care if someone was gay or not) and when we finally ended the call I started to cry. I love Christianity and I'm a religious person myself, but I never once in my life thought that having a different romantic or sexual orientation is wrong. Love is love and it shouldn't be restrained to only a man and a woman.  I just want someone to love me the way I am. I feel like I will never find someone who is going to understand me. Sometimes I wish I was like my classmates at school: eager to have babies, having a great marriage and so on. I know that I'm not broken but I feel like I will never find happiness in my future...                                                                                

 

 

[Guest]

Well its hard especially if you don't feel and think like the majority. But if you keep your head up and keep chugging along you will find some place where you can be at peace at least. Just don't give in or accept anything other than the best. That's what everyone deserves. 

[Moxie84]

Your 16 so I'm assuming your in high school? The world is a bigger more diverse place then high school makes it seem. I graduated just last year from a small school and its insane how different the real world is. I'm sure you will find people like you. It might take a little more digging but it'll be worth it.

[nimbus]

Sorry this boy was offensive with all his pushy comments. You're in control of your life and body, so if you don't want sex or babies, then those things don't have to happen. There are men who'll be fine with that. He was stating his personal views and opinions, which aren't necessarily true or applicable to you.

 

People interpret religious texts in many ways. That goes for all religions, not just Christianity. Some sects are more against homosexuality than others. At least now you know how this boy feels; imagine if you were already in a relationship with him and then later you found out about his homophobia. The best advice I have is to just practice kindness toward everyone, regardless of whether their beliefs conflict with yours.

[Stray_Cat]

Thank you for your positive and kind comments! It helps a lot

[Iamsammie]

You are magnificent and wonderfully made just like you are. Never let other peoples insecurities make you feel uncomfortable with yourself, and never let someone's hate dull your sparkle. If someone can't love you the way you are, they are the one with the problem, not you. I'm not saying it will be easy, finding true love as an asexual is hard sometimes, but you will make so many special friends along they way. We asexual's have a way of loving people that no one else could and it makes them feel special. The right person will see that and respect who you are. Don't give up, and don't loose hope. Be proud. You've always got friends here.

[Stray_Cat]

19 hours ago, Iamsammie said:

You are magnificent and wonderfully made just like you are. Never let other peoples insecurities make you feel uncomfortable with yourself, and never let someone's hate dull your sparkle. If someone can't love you the way you are, they are the one with the problem, not you. I'm not saying it will be easy, finding true love as an asexual is hard sometimes, but you will make so many special friends along they way. We asexual's have a way of loving people that no one else could and it makes them feel special. The right person will see that and respect who you are. Don't give up, and don't loose hope. Be proud. You've always got friends here.

Thank you so much. It really means a lot to me seeing that there are other people who are just like me: unique in the ways they love.

[LadyPariah]

There is nothing wrong with you, you are a diverse part in the diverse human race. I know it sounds silly or even cliche, but when you get older things change. It's totally okay to not want kids, and not want to get married. I feel the same way. As you get older, other people will realize they feel the same way too. There will be people who will even regret having kids or getting married. Take things at your own pace, you're still young! Along the way, you will even meet other asexuals, sometimes by accident. People will also evolve their views as they grow too, I know I did. Things are not static, we adapt along the way. What I'm trying to say is, stay true to yourself, you won't regret it, I promise. 

[Quality_Penguins]

I feel the same way about babies. Something inside me just cringes when I'm around them. But all of that sucks a lot. It's hard not being able to fit in that way, a lot of the time I wish everyone was ace (and then the human race could die out  ). 

 

As far as religion goes, I'm Catholic, and we teach that being gay in itself is fine. The only thing that's considered wrong/a sin is gay sex (because sex is about procreation not just pleasure)(and why would they want to have sex anyway???). So if all gay people acted ace, they would be just fine from a Catholic standpoint. I'm not sure about Christianity in general or other denominations, but hopefully that helps you feel a bit better. 

 

Don't worry about people not being able to love you. You've got so much of your life left, and there's so much waiting for you. So don't give up. Don't lose who you are, because you're unique and there's no else like you.

[Spikey]

My friend Stray_Cat,

I just want to say, I understand feeling lonely. I spend a lot of time alone and I am unable to even find a person to connect with, hahahaha!

I understand you feeling lonely and I wish I could take it away. But unfortunately all I can do is let you know you are not alone. Though we are miles apart and different ages et cetera I am your friend and I send you strength and love. It is funny to me how hyper romantic I feel. Yet, when it comes to sexual actions, I just can not. I long to bestow my affection upon that perfect person but I fear it will not be enough and she will find the need to find sexual gratification elsewhere and this will lead to lying and manipulation and i will get hurt. I am old enough to be tired of being hurt. I know, so much fear. But, i am hopeful and believe it is possible.

I'm sorry I have not addressed the specifics of your post. I merely wanted to share some of me and let you know people care. Even some who know you not.

Ciao for Now!

[Stray_Cat]

On ‎21‎/‎12‎/‎2017 at 11:55 AM, Spikey said:

My friend Stray_Cat,

I just want to say, I understand feeling lonely. I spend a lot of time alone and I am unable to even find a person to connect with, hahahaha!

I understand you feeling lonely and I wish I could take it away. But unfortunately all I can do is let you know you are not alone. Though we are miles apart and different ages et cetera I am your friend and I send you strength and love. It is funny to me how hyper romantic I feel. Yet, when it comes to sexual actions, I just can not. I long to bestow my affection upon that perfect person but I fear it will not be enough and she will find the need to find sexual gratification elsewhere and this will lead to lying and manipulation and i will get hurt. I am old enough to be tired of being hurt. I know, so much fear. But, i am hopeful and believe it is possible.

I'm sorry I have not addressed the specifics of your post. I merely wanted to share some of me and let you know people care. Even some who know you not.

Ciao for Now!

Thank you so much for this! It really means a lot to me

[Spikey]

10 hours ago, Stray_Cat said:

Thank you so much for this! It really means a lot to me

My pleasure m'dear

[Shadow007]

I agree with everyone else; this guy just saved you a bit of trouble by alerting you to his opinions before any kind of formal relationship could begin. I know that this statement sounds a bit cold - just know that there are so many others out there who would care more about you as a person, regardless of your orientation. Keep your chin up and hold your head high. You have an advantage in knowing who you are right now that others your age have yet to discover, so don't let their misunderstandings drag you down.

No matter what some ignorant or oblivious people may say, you are just as worthy of love and affection as anyone else, and love knows no bounds - romantic or otherwise. You can achieve just about anything you set your mind to, and you're still young - the world is a big, diverse place just waiting for you to carve out your own path regardless of societal norms. I'm sure there are people already in your life who you can turn to that could lift up your spirits this season.

Just remember: being unique is the rule, not the exception. No two people are exactly the same, no matter how much they might want to be. Embrace your differences, because they are what make you you, and you should never be ashamed of it. No one should ever feel entitled make you feel that way, either.

[Spikey]

11 hours ago, Shadow007 said:

I agree with everyone else; this guy just saved you a bit of trouble

You got THAT right! Shadow007 stated my feelings entirely

[Stray_Cat]

On ‎24‎/‎12‎/‎2017 at 6:31 PM, Shadow007 said:

I agree with everyone else; this guy just saved you a bit of trouble by alerting you to his opinions before any kind of formal relationship could begin. I know that this statement sounds a bit cold - just know that there are so many others out there who would care more about you as a person, regardless of your orientation. Keep your chin up and hold your head high. You have an advantage in knowing who you are right now that others your age have yet to discover, so don't let their misunderstandings drag you down.

No matter what some ignorant or oblivious people may say, you are just as worthy of love and affection as anyone else, and love knows no bounds - romantic or otherwise. You can achieve just about anything you set your mind to, and you're still young - the world is a big, diverse place just waiting for you to carve out your own path regardless of societal norms. I'm sure there are people already in your life who you can turn to that could lift up your spirits this season.

Just remember: being unique is the rule, not the exception. No two people are exactly the same, no matter how much they might want to be. Embrace your differences, because they are what make you you, and you should never be ashamed of it. No one should ever feel entitled make you feel that way, either.

Thank you so much for your kind words. I really needed them in this period! From now on, I'm not going to let other people tell me if me being me is wrong. I'm myself and I'm happy with it.