that._.irish._.guy Posted December 13, 2017 Share Posted December 13, 2017 Long story short: Most of my friends have left me. Some were fakes, others not so much. Anyway, should I maybe try to find someone more long-term? Maybe slowing down will help. Also finding someone I can love/trust will be a mass help. I need someone I can turn to. Someone who can keep me on track. Do I sound crazy? Where should I even start? Link to post Share on other sites
Yep, me Posted December 13, 2017 Share Posted December 13, 2017 Idk, you decide, there are so many ways to start, I suppose you could just talk to people? Depends on what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Galactic Turtle Posted December 13, 2017 Share Posted December 13, 2017 Personally I would engage more in my hobbies and perhaps make new friends through that. When you meet someone you never know how long your relationship with them will last nor how much you will eventually grow to trust and confide in them. Just because you grow apart from one group of people doesn't mean you can't grow closer to another one. Link to post Share on other sites
butterfly-nets Posted December 13, 2017 Share Posted December 13, 2017 I totally understand how you feel. My best friend usually spends a lot of her free time with her gf, much to my dismay because sometimes I feel as though I have nobody to turn to. I sometimes feel like I want to meet someone too. But I also place a lot of importance in platonic relationships? Sometimes when I think I want a boyfriend or girlfriend it's more that I just want to meet someone new to be friends with. So, no, you don't sound crazy. And there are so many places you can start (here, for instance!) Follow your heart and do what makes you feel comfortable, and you will find people along the way. Best of luck, feel free to PM me if you wanna talk! Link to post Share on other sites
Duke Memphis Posted December 13, 2017 Share Posted December 13, 2017 Take an interest you have and meet people who share your interest. Go to clubs, conventions, parties, whatever you like to do. Talk to some people and be hopeful about it. Take any new friendships one step at at time to let them grow naturally. You may be surprised at the different people and personalities you encounter. Link to post Share on other sites
that._.irish._.guy Posted December 13, 2017 Author Share Posted December 13, 2017 If I was with someone, then maybe that will help with my social skills. Maybe they can help me. Someone I can love and care for is what I may need. I feel like there is a part of me that is empty, in a way. I have never dated or even kissed someone... So I have no idea what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Starlit Sky Posted December 13, 2017 Share Posted December 13, 2017 To be honest, what it sounds like you need is to 100% love yourself, 100% be okay being by yourself, and 100% your own best friend. It doesn't matter if you have a best buddy or a loving partner--if you don't love yourself, and you can't stand being by yourself, then you're not ever going to be as happy as you could be, no matter what you do or who you try to be with. I don't know the whole story here, so it's hard for me to go in one direction or another. I will say that no, you certainly aren't "crazy" for wanting to be in a relationship! But you must keep in mind that you don't have a "half" out there. You are complete. You can help yourself with my social skills--because I promise, the absolute best way to help with social skills is to talk to several people, not just be in a relationship. If you like you can message me on here, and maybe we can talk about some things. Who knows? Maybe I'll be able to help you out some. Link to post Share on other sites
that._.irish._.guy Posted December 14, 2017 Author Share Posted December 14, 2017 I don't know if loving myself will help. I dislike being so alone all the time. Most of my friendships were long-distance. The only person who is there for me is myself (Hope that makes sense). I feel like love is what I am missing. Someone to love and care for. Someone I can look forward to seeing each day. Someone who keeps me going on... Link to post Share on other sites
Aulora Posted December 15, 2017 Share Posted December 15, 2017 I relate so much to this post and I think I know exactly how you feel. A lot of my friends have left and it left me feeling hurt and alone. I want to find someone to fall in love with, someone I can spend time with to grow, giving and getting attention, having someone to confide in. Its true that the best thing would be to love yourself but sometimes its not that simple. I'm lonely and a little scared, I can learn to love myself but that won't make me any less alone. Link to post Share on other sites
that._.irish._.guy Posted December 18, 2017 Author Share Posted December 18, 2017 On 15/12/2017 at 5:41 PM, Aulora said: I relate so much to this post and I think I know exactly how you feel. A lot of my friends have left and it left me feeling hurt and alone. I want to find someone to fall in love with, someone I can spend time with to grow, giving and getting attention, having someone to confide in. Its true that the best thing would be to love yourself but sometimes its not that simple. I'm lonely and a little scared, I can learn to love myself but that won't make me any less alone. Exactly. I relate so much to this post that it hurts... Link to post Share on other sites
Aceyace93 Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 Honestly, I think it just going to get that point for me too where most of them will be gone. Right now Im okay, but a few of my friends have already drifted off in relationships who I see from time to time, some have kids too and they've left permanently. Loving your own company is a good thing that will help, but there will always be moments where we crave stable support, emotionally more than anything. I believe if you can find someone then yes, that would be best but while you do that, you should make the most of your remaining friends and their support. There are dating sites out there too if you aren't as nervous as me about using them. Link to post Share on other sites
Maximum Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 Is the reason for your friends leaving you the same? Moreover, there are different types of friendships and long-term relationships are difficult because people can outgrow each other and distance can strain a relationship. I have one friend I continue to keep in contact with over the years, through mutual effort, despite not living nearby and four relocations. My two ex long-term friends (from elementary and middle school) I lost contact with after they dropped out of college. I wasn’t judgmental and I tried to maintain the relationships, but it became awkward. They didn’t want to hang out in a college town or visit me anymore and I think part of that was because my campus apartment was a reminder of what they considered a "failure." Anyways, I've made friends wherever I go, but most can be described as, "out of sight out of mind." I tend to plan activities and initiate conversations; however, I drop people who place all the onus on me to maintain the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
that._.irish._.guy Posted December 18, 2017 Author Share Posted December 18, 2017 I really don't feel comfortable when it comes to online dating. Something about it just creeps me out. Anyway, I am not a very social person. I have problems being social and making friends. That's why it hurt so much when my friends "left"... Again, I feel like if I started looking for someone it may help. I must be crazy or something, but I want to tell someone that I love them. I want to have someone there for me, but also have someone I can care and protect for. It's a crazy thought and I know I will most likely only get hurt by it... Link to post Share on other sites
Maximum Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 How are you going to start looking for someone? You have some pretty unique interests (aerospace, blacksmithing, saxophone), so that could be a good start. It's only crazy if the affection is unrequited, yet the lover continues to obsessively pursue...like a certain skunk. Link to post Share on other sites
Starlit Sky Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 It's not at all "crazy." The need to love is hardwired into our systems. Everyone can relate to you, because everyone has the need to love, except for psychopaths (and yes, I'm serious. The need to love is not exclusive to romance). But here's the thing. You might not be ready to settle down into a long-term relationship now, and you don't have to. But understand that when you are ready, yes, loving yourself and being happy in your own company is fundamental to your success in love and . . . well, pretty much everything. You probably want someone who "gets it." Someone who's confident, someone who's generally happy (not saying they can't be sad, but they also aren't constantly sad), someone who knows what they want. And you know what? Those kinds of people look for people like themselves. There is a significant difference between Pre-Me and Current Me, and all of it comes from understanding the significance of self-love. I am not going to settle for anything less than someone who is happy in their own company, at least the majority of the time. This isn't saying that I'm better, and it's not saying that anyone else isn't good enough--it's entirely about how I know what I want out of life, and I am unwilling to settle for anything else. Maybe you don't necessarily want someone who is confident and generally happy, etc. And if you don't then that's just a part of life that many people go through. What tends to happen at that point is that they wake up one day and find that they don't want someone who needs to fill their time with everything just to avoid spending time with themselves. When that doesn't happen--and this occurs time and time again--they are unhappy in the relationship. It will always, always, always cause spiritual stagnation, if a person stays in something like that. Please understand that I'm not bashing anyone, and yes, I am taking mental illness into account. I suffer from mental illness too, so I know how it is (not saying that you do--I don't know if you do or don't). But what you're talking about is using another person to fulfill the empty part of you that's missing. You can't do that. You can try, sure--but failure will be inevitable. The only thing missing is your own happiness with yourself. Because ultimately, you can't have a healthy relationship unless you're happy with yourself. EDIT, just in case someone tries to call it: I did not just say that you can't love someone without loving yourself first. I don't believe that, and in any case, that's an entirely different concept. Link to post Share on other sites
that._.irish._.guy Posted December 19, 2017 Author Share Posted December 19, 2017 Firstly I feel so alone. I eat alone, go to a restaurant alone. I live alone and work mostly alone... I have always been alone but lately, it has really been getting to me... I wouldn't say that I hate myself. I like who I am. I just dislike what I am. I wish I was a female, and that I didn't look so ugly. I love being a blacksmith, and pilot... I hope this makes sense... Link to post Share on other sites
Maximum Posted December 19, 2017 Share Posted December 19, 2017 46 minutes ago, that._.irish._.girl said: Firstly I feel so alone. I eat alone, go to a restaurant alone. I live alone and work mostly alone... I have always been alone but lately, it has really been getting to me... I wouldn't say that I hate myself. I like who I am. I just dislike what I am. I wish I was a female, and that I didn't look so ugly. I love being a blacksmith, and pilot... I hope this makes sense... Loneliness is magnified around the holidays such as Thanksgiving, Christmas/Hanukkah and Valentine's Day. They're centered around spending time with friends, family and partners. You're reminded through tv advertisements at home, through coworker chatter, on the radio, at the mall and the grocery store that you should be spending time and money on other people. I might be talking out of my ass, but I find people that focus on skill based flaws tend to be happier than physical ones. Partly because skill based flaws are within their power to change and provide a sense of control. Sure, you can spend money to alter your physical appearance, but that is only an option if you have the cash to fund that change. If you're in a situation where those resources aren't readily attainable, brooding on appearance contributes to an endless cycle of self-deprecation. Link to post Share on other sites
that._.irish._.guy Posted December 20, 2017 Author Share Posted December 20, 2017 I don't know if I would blame the advertisement companies for my loneliness... I have always been "alone". Liking your body is a step to your liking yourself. Currently, I just dislike my body... Link to post Share on other sites
that._.irish._.guy Posted December 21, 2017 Author Share Posted December 21, 2017 There is a waitress at my favorite restaurant. She is really nice and always waits(<- ?) me. I think one time she was hitting on me. Should I maybe ask her? How should I ask? Where should we go? I don't want to be rude... Link to post Share on other sites
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