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Coming out to people who already know?


ReyGraves

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So first off, my mom outed me to my (adopted) aunts awhile ago (I didn’t find out until about Thanksgiving). I have no idea what she told them exactly (I asked her if they only knew I wanted to be called Rey or if they also knew the reason behind it. She said they knew. (Although this was over text while my aunts were in the room)). 

 

I had previously been building up the courage to come out to them but now I just don’t know how to approach it. They already know and I know that they know. So I don’t want to approach it like they don’t know and either have them say “I know” and put them on the spot and possibly having to blame my mother. Or they might lie and pretend they didn’t know but I know they know and it would hurt if they lie like that. 

 

I was thinking of opening it with “Hey *name*, my mom told you that I wanted to be called Rey but did she say why?” And then I’d go from whatever their response was?

 

Otherwise I have no idea how to go about this since my mom already outed me (still a little upset because I had only given two people permission to reveal that I’m trans and only under specific circumstances. And she wasn’t one of them. AND she didn’t deign to tell me after the fact so I wasn’t caught off guard by my aunts calling me Rey.)

 

Anywho, any other advice for coming out to people who already know? (BTW I had never spoken about any gender stuff personal or otherwise to either aunt before. All their info has come from my mom who may or may not have told them the right thing.)

 

You know what, I’m just gonna go for it with one of them after I post this (any advice given might be used on the second aunt). (The one I’m gonna text first is the one I kind of trust more and feel safer with even though no doubt the other feels the same about me. She just doesn’t really show it as much.)

 

Thanks. 

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As you said, you can just ask them whether they know why.

You can also say something like "hey, I know my mom already told you but I just wanted you to hear it from me." And then say it in your words, maybe ending with "if you have any questions feel free to come to me directly" if you prefer them asking you over asking anyone else.

Or, if you prefer, you can leave it as is, and just be yourself in future conversations, expressing anything you desire to express.

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