Not knowing

[AvenMan13]

Hi,

 

I’m a lurker that’s deleted my account off and on. I’m an only child and I’m asexual. I’ve spent a large part of my life just avoiding hanging out with people - in high school and college - because I don’t know what they’re trying to do.

 

When I play video games, I’m playing the video game. When I play a sport, I’m playing that sport. When I do something like beer pong even, that’s what I’m doing. I always get the feeling there’s so much I’m missing by not being sexually active. Everyone seems obsessed with something that I’m not. I’ve always had lots of energy but I feel I’m missing the singular focus everyone else has. And I guess that focus is sex.

 

But I can’t know that it’s sex. Sometimes I’ve worried that I have autism but my life isn’t that bad and I’m not unhappy. I do get erections from time to time and I’ve masturbated in the past. It felt good but it didn’t really do anything for me. I can’t imagine that or doing that with someone being the focus of my life. It seems weird.

 

Do any of you feel that way? Have any of you tried having sex? If so, was it awful or was it just something to pass the time?

 

I’m an only child so sometimes I wonder if my “asexuality” is just a product of being alone, being a smart achiever, or maybe just a lack of confidence in myself because of bad stuff that happened to me when I was younger. I had kind of a troubling childhood, and people just wanted to brush it under the rug because some of the perpetrators were really well known and it was unsure what would happen if we said something. 

 

Do you think maybe I’m not asexual and I just need the right woman to come along and open me up to it? I’ve always felt like I’m not a part of something important and I get the feeling other asexuals aren’t like that.

 

Any conversation or feedback would be appreciated.

 

Thanks,

AvenMan13

[roland.o]

1 hour ago, AvenMan13 said:

Everyone seems obsessed with something that I’m not.

That's what I think when people start to discuss their soccer clubs, too :-)

 

There's nothing wrong with having different interests than most people.

[RottenInDenmark]

Hello 😊 nice to meet ya 

 

it’s okay to not enjoy or partake in sexual activities or conversations if one does not want to.  

Nor do I think that anyone should feel they have to, because of increasing self-doubt course by one’s peers. Or from the Titanic' huge pressure from society.

That of course can give a feeling of loneliness.  

 

I don’t feel like being an only child has any big significant to these things. (a small part maybe)

But even people who grew up with siblings can still grow up with some form, or feeling of loneliness. physical or mental disorders 'surely.  

Naturally, not all cases, but most of them, we have all felt the impact of isolation and loneliness.

 

Many grew up with a troubled childhood and that of course can leave some scars, that will never go away, but i don't feel like we should let it prophesies who we become. It's a struggle but we should always struggle to better ourselves, not for others sake, but for our own sake. Work to be, who we' want to be.

 

3 hours ago, AvenMan13 said:

Do you think maybe I’m not asexual and I just need the right woman to come along and open me up to it? I’ve always felt like I’m not a part of something important and I get the feeling other asexuals aren’t like that.

A relationship is not always going to help. Asexual or not, things to consider. Being in a relationships and having sexual activities are not always the same as ‘opening up’. 

opening-up to someone. personally, I see is in a sense of being vulnerable, emotional not sexual. You can find someone that you might want to open-up to and wanna build a deep connection to. As Asexual you can still do that.

in such relationships, sex end up looking like a 'side dish'. (that some of us say no to)

I can't speak for all Asexuals, there are different labels. you can read about romantic attraction, Sexual attractions and 'Asexual attractions', in this community. There is a long number of variations on the matter, that i think are always inspiring 😊

 

with all respect, in my opinion i don't think starting something' because one feels like "missing  out" is ever a good reason. A relationship or other interactions should be something you want to. Not because you feel pressured to do so. 

<3

[SilentRose]

I definitely understand where you're coming from, it's definitely tough to relate to people as an asexual, probably more so as a guy because that's half their subject of conversation from what I've heard. 

 

My advice to you is to just focus on the present, and try not to worry about if what you're feeling or not feeling is normal. Is it possible a woman could come along and spark that desire in you? Absolutely. But if you sit around waiting for it to happen your whole life you will go crazy. It may, or it may not. 

Don't worry about what you think should make you happy, worry about what does make you happy right here and now. 

Think about what you want right now, at this moment, and think about how you can get it. You don't sound unhappy or lonely to me, and if you're happy being a more solitary person then you shouldn't force yourself to meet people just because you feel like you should. However, if you feel like maybe some friends or even a non-sexual relationship would make you happier, than I think you should go for it.