sometimes i wish....

[eruca]

while im happy to be ace, sometimes i wish i was aromantic also. it brings me to tears sometimes knowing the odds is slim to finding someone who im romantically interested in and see as a potential life partner and have the feelings returned, the odds are slim that i will ever find someone who is cool with never having sex but wants everything else. the odds are slim that if i do confess to being ace that they will still want a life together and want the same things. i wish i was content with only friendships while friends for me is rare enough and a deeply value them it always seems there is a suffocating hole in my heart that cant be filled no matter what i do. then even if i do find someone who says they are fine with it i would have to worry about time changing their mind and im left abandoned. that there are conditions for being loved as a life partner.....

 

sometimes i wish i was sexual,  i feel disconnected from everyone else around me. im 26 never had sex not interested in it ive dated 4 guys one was in middle school lasted a month mostly for show because that was what was expected, he broke up with me by sending his friend over to break up for him. the second was in high school he would make sexual hints i would always turn him down i cared about him but still wasnt love, again dated because he asked and it was expected of me (yay social pressure!) the third was after high school  but didnt have the ideal bond he called himself a liberal but didnt act like one was anti marriage raciest and sexist wasnt out right but would make remarks every now and then want to pleased that i didnt agree with him on such topics he also didnt take me being ace very well said all women are ace and if men are they are just repressed, he said if i want interested i could watch a movie while he did his thing (of course i declined) the fourth was actually another ace but we broke up due to me going into the military and him not wanting a long distance relationship, which is fine not everyone can. 

 

im feel so lonely, it feels like im going to live my life not getting my ideal bond and live with someone else that im going to die alone and forgotten. it hurts hearing the people around me talk about whether someone is cute or not as if that is their only worth and if they are not they are dismissed.  that you are over looked if your not a 7+. it hurts when i hear comments about shaming a person for not having sex then shame a person for having sex. it hurts when people dont give you a chance but call you cold even when they dont truly know you. im hurting im sad i have trust issues because people leave they dismiss you they put condition to their love. your left abandoned and heart broken.  im  so lonely but how can i even love another when i barely love myself due to societies pressure on me to be look and act one way

[Yep, me]

You are not alone, there are tens, if hundreds of millions of people who will love you, instead of treating you horribly and being so judgemental.

I support you, and you are not alone.

[A person That is real]

I feel you there. Your not alone

[Lichley]

There's definitely still s chance! It may be 1%, but it's 1% of 7.4 billion, so there are still a lot of options for you. Plus you could go to meetups and meet local aces in your area, who knows you might just meet someone special  

[AvenMan13]

Hi Eruca,

 

You’re not alone in your feelings. I’m a guy and some women have tried forcing me into relationships. They’ve been really short and definitely just a thing to fit in.

 

I think more people do that than you think. I bet a lot of people get married just to fit in. So maybe they’re just heteromantic or homoromantic. I’m definitely somewhat heteromantic, but I think it’s just because I had a great relationship with my mom when I was a little boy.  With asexuals, I think it’s worse for us because we feel like we’re dragging people down. They want different things out of the relationships.

 

I don’t think you should worry about having those types of relationships. Those behaviors can damage a lot of people. Look at everything that’s happening in Hollywood and politics right now. Maybe we have it better than them. 

 

I wouldn’t mind getting married to a woman some day but I just can’t imagine pursuing it the way most people do. I can’t imagine really putting effort in. But if a woman came along and really wanted to be with me I’d be fine with it. Technically, I really don’t know if I’d like sex or not so sometimes I wonder if that experience would change me. Maybe I’m not asexual. But I don’t have that animalistic need that it seems like most people have.

 

In summary, I think you’re cool. If you ever want to be romantic there are plenty of guys out there that would be with you. Just try to find the ones that want concrete things like a marriage, family, etc. Maybe you’ll want to have children some day and you’ll have sex just for that purpose. You never know.

 

Sorry that was so long. I haven’t posted before today and it feels good to relate. 

[Kersenne]

It feels like you're in need of some hugs, so here goes a hug *hug* 

 

That aside, I understand how you feel, I'm also wondering what my future life will look like, and I fear I will miss opportunities because I don't know what my life will be like and how I can fit a partner without sex in my life... But as Lichley wrote, there's plenty of people on Earth, there's bound to be someone for all of us  So keep hope! 

[gisiebob]

sometimes the ability to be hurt is worth it. 

I grasp as the strings of knowing another person, fearfully, as well. my hands only ever end up wounded and bleeding, saying that the fear was right. but shaking hands with the fear is worth it
I live my life looking forward, gleefully smiling as the clouds in the sky remind me how big and small I am, but in the corner of my eyes I glimpse small spaces, little hints that say I am not whole even as the individual that I am. just hints in my peripheral vision and there are no clouds my sky anymore. and seeing that I can still find myself to be broken and incomplete and alone...is worth it.
I live in a hopeful world.

I hope you can find where you are going to.