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I Can't Understand What I Feel


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Hi,

So this is a long question, but I can't properly categorize my feelings for this person. I know I am ace and there's a strong possibility that I am aro, but I've been confused for a while now. I have a squish on this person and I don't know how to handle it. This isn't my first squish and I know that sometimes squishes are irrational, but the feelings are strong and confusing. I want to take care of the person, emotionally and financial; I wait hours for them to take them home and make sure they get there safe, and would basically do anything they asked me to as long as they were happy. And because of this, I've asked myself if I liked them romantically, but I can't picture myself being in a relationship with them or doing anything romantic such as kissing or cuddling. I can't imagine myself in that position but I also can't imagine anyone else making them happy so it's a whole migraine trying to discern the feelings. I want to be close to them but I can't be because I can't handle it. 

Does this sound like a squish or do you think it's something more? I just want to understand this. 

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Chrissy Noelle

Hm, it's kind of hard to tell. I currently have a very strong squish as well, but I feel like the difference between mine and yours was that it started out as a minor crush. Looks like yours didn't. 

 

It kind of sounds like how you can't see a sibling having someone else to make them happy (significant other or whatever). No romance or anything, like you're just the best buddies and don't need anyone else. I don't know. 

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2 hours ago, Nlunda said:

Hi,

So this is a long question, but I can't properly categorize my feelings for this person. I know I am ace and there's a strong possibility that I am aro, but I've been confused for a while now. I have a squish on this person and I don't know how to handle it. This isn't my first squish and I know that sometimes squishes are irrational, but the feelings are strong and confusing. I want to take care of the person, emotionally and financial; I wait hours for them to take them home and make sure they get there safe, and would basically do anything they asked me to as long as they were happy. And because of this, I've asked myself if I liked them romantically, but I can't picture myself being in a relationship with them or doing anything romantic such as kissing or cuddling. I can't imagine myself in that position but I also can't imagine anyone else making them happy so it's a whole migraine trying to discern the feelings. I want to be close to them but I can't be because I can't handle it. 

Does this sound like a squish or do you think it's something more? I just want to understand this. 

Well caring about someone getting home safe and worrying about them isn't just a romantic thing. I always tell me friends to let me know that they get home safe. Also I do that with my family.

 

Also, kissing and cuddling aren't necessarily romantic things? It all depends on the person, as some people consider those things to be sexual. It's all about perspective, really.

 

Perhaps you should do some research on platonic relationships?

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Hello Nlunda, welcome to the AVEN forums! Have some cake... :cake: :-)

 

17 hours ago, Nlunda said:

I can't picture myself being in a relationship with them or doing anything romantic such as kissing or cuddling. I can't imagine myself in that position but I also can't imagine anyone else making them happy

Do you mean you cannot imaging that anyone else would want to make them happy? Or do you mean that you start to feel jealous when imagining that anyone else would be in that position? The latter case would sound like a squish or similar kind of infatuation to me.

 

All the best to you! :cake:

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hey, um...if you could please, stand up for a second?

...

ok, look at your feet. that is the ground you are standing on. you probably know that ground pretty well. it's probably something you don't even deign to have any importance, how grounded you are. 

go ahead and step forward, it's ok if you don't know what you are walking towards, or even on.

good luck

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17 hours ago, roland.o said:

Hello Nlunda, welcome to the AVEN forums! Have some cake... :cake: :-)

 

Do you mean you cannot imaging that anyone else would want to make them happy? Or do you mean that you start to feel jealous when imagining that anyone else would be in that position? The latter case would sound like a squish or similar kind of infatuation to me.

 

All the best to you! :cake:

I don't know if it's jealousy because I've never felt that, but it's not anger that I feel when I try to imagine someone else with them, it's more sadness. Because I want to be close to them but my repulsion of romance or attachment is making it hard. 

I've been thinking and I don't think I really want to a romantic relationship with them; just a close one. Like an intimate friendship but less intimate than a relationship. Maybe it is a queerplatonic relationship, I'll have to do more research. 

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On 12/12/2017 at 8:30 AM, Nlunda said:

I don't know if it's jealousy because I've never felt that, but it's not anger that I feel when I try to imagine someone else with them, it's more sadness. Because I want to be close to them but my repulsion of romance or attachment is making it hard. 

I've been thinking and I don't think I really want to a romantic relationship with them; just a close one. Like an intimate friendship but less intimate than a relationship. Maybe it is a queerplatonic relationship, I'll have to do more research. 

Dam why are you so close to expressing what I am feeling?!?! It’s the same when you don’t romatnticaly love a person but that person is extremely important to you. I just want to be the person that my squish trusts no matter what. I mean I know that the person has someone they like but I’m totally fine with that. I just want to be that persons net?? So they never are unhappy and they don’t forget stuff.

 

Heh right now actually I want to be ignored so I can quit feeling this way. This may sound weird but does anyway have a way to turn down a friendship. I’ve been thinking of appearing to busy and earphone but I need backup plans.

 

Oh tell me about the research plz

 

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4 hours ago, :)(: said:

Heh right now actually I want to be ignored so I can quit feeling this way. This may sound weird but does anyway have a way to turn down a friendship. I’ve been thinking of appearing to busy and earphone but I need backup plans.

try...not being a jerkface because you are afraid?

 

also: yeah, qpr seems like what you guys are pining for.

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2 hours ago, gisiebob said:

try...not being a jerkface because you are afraid?

 

also: yeah, qpr seems like what you guys are pining for.

Ouchy... but thanks. I kina needed to be told I was stupid.

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I totally understand that.

The issue I'm having, and maybe someone can help me figure this out, but there's this guy I've been hanging out with pretty regularly and I'm having a rough time deciding if I just want to be friends with him or if I want to have more of a romantic relationship.

I find myself daydreaming of doing romantic things together like going on "dates" or watching movies together, or being curled up on the couch together, but he keeps calling me "dude." To be fair, I call people dude all the time. I really like hanging out with him, I just don't know how to approach him about it, and my anxiety prevents me from just "talking to him."

Any help is appreciated. 

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