Questioning if Genderflux

[Very Confused Owl]

Okay, first of all, please tell me if I'm doing anything wrong, I'm new to this site.

I haven't questioned my gender much throughout my life. Mostly, I've considered myself a tomboy. I hate dresses and makeup, but will occasionally enjoy a pedicure/medicure trip with my mom. Though I don't consider myself feminine, I have considered myself female (which is my birthgender).

Until recently, that is.

I've, for the past year or two, wanted and planned on wearing a tux to my graduation instead of a dress. I've also really wanted to cut my hair into a boy style (like the youtuber MilesChronicles' hair). Yet, while at school just a few days before my birthday, I suddenly felt a strong chest dysmorphia. I really wanted a flat chest and felt that way for a reasonably long amount of time before it slowly faded off, but not completely, as it is still here even writing this, just not as intense as before. Ever since then, I've decided I wanted to buy a chest binder, and have been researching them.

But what confuses me about it is that, mostly, I still feel like a girl. The next day, the hatred from my chest faded off mostly and I wouldn't feel comfy with a flat chest. Later that weekend, I suddenly felt like I could go ht he/him pronouns and be fine, which, again, faded away eventually, bringing me back to my feminine state. At one point waking up this morning, I felt fine with they/them pronouns.

At some point, I had remembered the name Milo and thought it kind of fit me in the moments when I was they/them or he/him. During said times, I would think "My name is Milo" and have varying degrees of liking towards the sentence. My birth name is also genderneutral, but I enjoy Milo at some times better than my birth name. 

But this sounds like genderfluid, which is why I must mention the thing that makes it Genderflux to me: I still felt a degree of femininity during all of these times. 

I'm debating in whether or not to even bother with a binder or cutting my hair, due to the fact that sometimes I'm ok with having a chest and having relatively long hair.

Thanks for reading my rambling, if you even stayed long enough to get here :-3

 

[Sleepy Skeleton]

Hello, welcome to AVEN!

 

As an AFAB genderfluid person, I can kind of relate to some of the things you said. While I've never thought of myself as a tomboy, I also seem to experience fluctuating dysphoria.

 

 I picked out a gender-neutral name for myself but I'm also mostly comfortable with my feminine given name. I love having short hair like a boy, but I think I would also be content with longer hair. Some days I feel like I need to have a flat chest, and other days I just don't care. Sometimes I feel strongly like a boy and other days I'm just fine with being a girl. I think a lot of people experience something like this.

 

The fun thing about being genderfluid or genderflux is that you don't always half to pin down your gender to one side. And no one says you have to be split 50/50 between feminine and masculine. You can be mostly feminine with a tendency to be masculine, and that's okay. In fact, a lot of non-binary people (myself included) say they're "female-aligned" or "male-aligned" (or similar terms) and are still non-binary.

 

If I were you, I would go ahead and order a binder and cut your hair if that's what you want to do. If you decide short hair isn't for you, you can just let it grow back. There's no rule that says you have to wear a binder all the time if you get one. I only wear mine when I'm feeling extra boyish or if I just don't feel like having a noticable chest. But I also flip-flopped on both of these things and choosing to go through with them were some of my best decisions. So I suggest you just do what you want!

 

[Finn.]

I consider genderflux a subgroup of genderfluid, so I don't think there is a need to specify if you are flux or fluid by definition. But to answer your question, yes, I think this could mean you're genderflux. Or you can just id as nonbinary too, it's ultimately up to you.

 

I think dysphoria fluctuates for non-fluid people too, so I don't think this on it's own makes you genderfluid/flux.

 

It's your decision, if you want to try out a new haircut or name or pronouns. You can change them according to your gender and/or dysphoria, change them forever, whatever you want. Have fun with it!

 

(And yes, tryinger a binder might be worth it for you)

[Very Confused Owl]

Thanks for taking the time to reply!

This helped me, as I don't really have anyone to help me determine this cause I've only confided in my best friend lol

I don't really depend on labels that much, so I'm not gonna spend too much time asking myself about this, but it feels good to find a sort of label for comfort. I'm getting my hair cut soon and gonna ask my parents for a binder (I'm sure they'd understand, I've talked about it before with them).

Thanks again, feel free to add onto this if you want.

[Tortuga]

On 12/10/2017 at 8:26 AM, Very Confused Owl said:

At some point, I had remembered the name Milo and thought it kind of fit me in the moments when I was they/them or he/him. During said times, I would think "My name is Milo" and have varying degrees of liking towards the sentence. My birth name is also genderneutral, but I enjoy Milo at some times better than my birth name.

Yeah, when I'm neutral or identifying as a girl, like now, the name Ellen really appeals to me. I feel a lot in common with u *Awkward silence*