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Do these patterns of my feelings in all past relationships point to the asexual or aromantic spectrum? Very confused and unsure.


waxingcryptic

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waxingcryptic


Hi, I’m Venus! I’m really new here (I made this account ten minutes ago), but I’ve been wrestling with this problem for a long time now, and I’m honestly really confused about my sexuality, about my feelings, and about what I need to do in the immediate future. I’m going to tell you everything, and I guess I’m just hoping for some insight on whether anyone has had similar experiences or can tell me what they think might be going on in my head (because honestly, I’ve been thinking about it for a long time and I can’t figure it out).
I’ve been in four relationships (I’m on my fourth). Every one of them has gone in this pattern: I think I like someone because I’m nervous and giddy around them, I ask them out, they say yes, and then I suddenly get super uncomfortable with the person showing me any romantic affection or alluding to our relationship at all. I also get absolutely incapable of showing the other person genuine romantic affection back. I hide this, thinking it will go away, but it doesn’t.
I feel the exact same way in every relationship I’ve been in. I’ve had a relationship that went on for over a year and the feeling that I was acting like I was attracted to the person but really wasn’t was always, always there. I loved the person as a friend and the fact that I knew they liked me exhilirated me but I always felt like I was playing a role.
And I just thought it was just part of romance; where you just felt fake all the time and that was just how feelings worked.

Because of all the feeling-fake, I did break up with people a lot, but each time I did thay, I became so nervous to be around them that it seemed to me as if I liked them again. I would ask them out again, they’d accept, and the same cycle would begin: I felt fake, they thought everything was great, I was stressed out and having panic attacks about what I was going to do and whether my feelings were legit or if I was just pretending to trick even myself.

The relationship I’m in right now has gone the exact same way. I haven’t broken up with this person yet, but I definitely want to. I’m just scared to, because, like all my other relationships, I know I’ll regret it.

So...I’m really, really confused. I don’t know where I stand on really any spectrum whatsoever right now, because even if I do feel one way, I don’t feel like I can be sure that’s how any other person feels at all.

Like I said, I’m really hoping for some insight, if you have any, or if anyone has had a similar experience in the past or is having one right now and feels comfortable sharing.

Thank you so much.

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I don't have much advice, but you're not the only one who experiences this. There's a term called frayromantic, which means you lose romantic attraction for people after getting to know them. That sounds like it could fit you. Also, a question: when you get nervous and giddy around people, do you actually desire a romantic relationship or to do romantic things with them?

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Or Lithromantic, where you experience romantic attraction until those feelings are reciprocated.

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