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MuddyMonkey

Merely a Modicum of Mutuality

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MuddyMonkey

Right, so I'll just cut straight to the chase; earlier this afternoon, I found myself in a Coffee shop with a guy whom I have a Romantic Attraction to, after inviting him to the shop earlier in the week. My mission was simple; to tell him my exact feelings for him, and that I did. I think, at the time, I handled myself O.K; I made it clear that I very much enjoyed his company, and that I was perfectly happy to continue to see him merely once every two weeks or so, as we'd been doing. He took it very well, commenting how sweet it was and joking that I'd taken him out on a date (a one-sided date xD!). All was well; we left, saluted each other and headed off to our respective commitments.

 

But then I just had to go and throw a spanner in the works, didn't I? Later that evening, there was still a burning question on my mind. Did he see me as a friend, or something more? More importantly, how far was he willing to go with any physical contact, if at all? I decided to message him the latter question, as I felt the former would be too direct, touchy and difficult to answer. His response was a very open "Yeah, whatever you're comfortable with"...O....K, I thought, but surely I was asking what *you* were comfortable with, not me? Unfortunately, I bumbled something out about this being a whole new experience for me and all, and his response to that was "Maybe you'll find a guy to do that with idk", followed by a standard Smiley-face emoji. So, relatively vague answers, yes, but the latter of those two has got me pacing; an issue not helped by a very enlightening twitter-feed from one of the Furries I follow on there. Specifically, when I tweeted to him about my experience, he stated "yeah, I've tried that many times before; backfired every time. Sometimes, taking it slow and seeing where it can lead is the only way to have a shot at things".

 

That response really hit home; I began to seriously wonder if I'd just undone the friendship myself and this guy in the Coffee shop had been steadily building over the course of about 3 weeks. We'd done a late-night study session in the Uni library together, met over lunch, and gone out for a late-night impromptu walk, and after what, on reflection, was not a long amount of time, my inexperienced, idiot self put way too much on the table too quickly...or did I? See, I was beginning to have doubts about what he thought of me, and in the wider context, whether a relationship would work. Our lives and preferences are very different, though we have a few mutual interests, and our level of humour seemed to click, too. I'm paranoid that, due to me making my feelings known for him, even merely the fact he knows I have a Romantic Attraction to him would make him uneasy around me. He's Bisexual, and I can't imagine he's had an Asexual person come out to him like that before, so that might've also thrown him for a loop. 

 

So, what do you guys think? Was I too soon, or right to finally address the doubts in my mind? I'm really not sure.

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InquisitivePhilosopher
19 minutes ago, MuddyMonkey said:

...I bumbled something out about this being a whole new experience for me and all, and his response to that was "Maybe you'll find a guy to do that with idk", followed by a standard Smiley-face emoji...So, what do you guys think? Was I too soon, or right to finally address the doubts in my mind? I'm really not sure.

Hi! From what you posted about your interactions with him, he sounds to me like he's comfortable and just flirting and joking with you (especially with the "Maybe you'll find a guy to do that with idk," with the smiley-face emoji.) It sounded like he was subtly, playfully flirting, hinting that "the guy" could be/was him, like a "wink, wink, nudge, nudge," thing. If he'd meant it to be taken seriously, I don't think he'd have added the smiley emoji.

 

I didn't get any vibes that he's not interested in you, from what he said; he's still interacting with you, so that seems like a good sign to me. Good luck! He sounds upfront and honest, as you said, willing to take things slow and not push anyone to do anything they're uncomfortable with.

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