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reid113

What does it mean when ace says sex is repulsive?

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reid113

Like, in what ways is sex repulsive?  Is it the physical closeness and the sounds associated...like do asexuals find these aspects disgusting, or is there some other part to it I'm not understanding?  I understand the "no attraction" response to sexual intercourse, but I want to know more about reasons why there is an aversion to it or why sex might make someone feel repulsed.  The over saturation and heavy presence of sex in films and pop culture and stuff is irritating and many sexuals have aversions to that part of society, but that's a different sort of aversion than what I'm hearing from you guys. The act itself is repulsive as many describe, and I'm just curious as to how people characterize sexual intercourse  as repulsive.  

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Nowhere Girl

I'm not sure if I would say that I consider sex repulsive. I just feel extremely uncomfortable about the idea of personally having sex. It feels scary and just unpleasant, I feel certain that if I ever tried (if I was able to try, because it's entirely possible that I couldn't even get close), I would regret it.

The aspect I'm probably most uncomfortable with is nudity. I feel like I just couldn't undress in someone else's presence. Darkness makes no difference: being touched is being seen with hands.

Also the sweat, the body fluids, my own general little need for any physical contact...

And the aspect of someone doing things to your body. A friend of mine, because she is very much straight, tends to understand it as an issue of dominance-submission (as if, for example, being more active in sex could resolve such fears) and it's much more than that. It's a feeling of giving over control over your body to someone else. Mind it, I wouldn't consider myself a control freak. There is another practice which involves quite an extreme kind of losing control and I consider it important for me: psychedelic drugs. (While I haven't used any psychoactives stronger than tea for the last few years, I'm a bit of a "late bloomer" in this respect anyway: I have experienced a fascination since I was 12 years old, but first tried a psychedelic when I was 30.) And it is scary; people who wonder how can I be afraid of having sex and not be afraid of using psychedelic drugs completely miss the point because I am very much afraid of the latter. Yet I was always sure that overcoming this fear is worth the effect. In case of sex I just don't have this feeling, the aspect of sex being discomfortable, icky and just something I don't want to do means that I have no motivation to ever try to overcome the aspect of outright anxiety.

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InquisitivePhilosopher

Hmm, well, after being taught in sex ed (in fifth grade), that sex could result in getting AIDS (and being given articles that said others died from it), STDs and pregnancy, I know I feared and disliked the idea of having those things happen to me. The teachers said that, even though the likelihood of getting STDs was low, the only 100 percent sure way of not getting any these things was abstinence (I think it was an "abstinence-only" sex ed curriculum.) So, I thought, "Sex sounds too risky. I don't feel like doing that with anyone. Why would I want to do something that could possibly result in making me ill?"

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swirl_of_blue

For me it's absolutely about losing control. The way sexuals have talked to me about why sex is so good it seems a big part, perhaps the biggest one, is being able to let go, forget all of their worries, live in the moment and not have to care about how they are doing, how they sound or look and so on. All of this sounds absolutely horrible to me! I want every word, every gesture and in general everything I do to be carefully planned, thought out and performed. Why would I want to do something where I KNOW I would look dumb, make dumb sounds and probably also say dumb things? That would be horribly humiliating. And also seeing a partner like that I would in addition to being embarrassed myself also feel shame on their behalf over them letting go of their composure as well. It would feel as if we were both dirtying both ourselves as well as each other. How could I subject myself, and even worse someone I care about, to something that dangerous? Also I find bodily fluids gross, but I guess I could get over that disgust if I needed or wanted to. But dropping all of my facades and letting someone really see me, without me being able to carefully control everything? I can't relax enough to enjoy something like that, so all I would feel would be pure terror.

 

Also, if I could change how I feel about sex I would (as physically it has the potential to feel quite nice). But I just don't have the strength and self-confidence to be able to enjoy being vulnerable.

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adm2013

I’ve seen many different types of asexuals and some classify themselves as sex-repulsed. From what I understand, all this means is we don’t want to have sex, or at least that is how I have used it. I don’t know if the word repulsed is used to mean ‘disgusted’, but rather it is used to mean ‘turned away from’.

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Annie9

I'm sex repulsed and i don't know why but i do know i was not always sex repulsed; it just somehow happened and the idea of sex made me feel disgusted and it seems my repulsion to sex is getting much worse. It might have to do with me being genital-repulsed but I'm not sure. Either way, I wanna avoid sex. 

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Fantastic Name

For the most part, sex is repulsive because I happen to have a huge aversion to nudity. Seeing another person in the nude grosses me out and instantly kills any kind of arousal I may have, and I'm even less comfortable with someone else seeing or touching me while I'm naked. It's something I can't do at all. I can't undress for another person. It's just so, so off-putting in ways that I don't know how to describe. The thought of body fluids isn't too pleasing, either, but I guess I could tolerate it if I had to. In general, I just don't like the idea of someone being all inside me like that at all.

 

Interestingly, I'm pretty indifferent to sex as long if it doesn't involve me. I still find nudity off-putting, but it's much less repulsive in regards to other people. I dunno.

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Shihara

I think it really just comes down to the individual. For me personally, there’s a couple of reasons why. One of them is nudity, I consider my body as quite private. For eg, some people like to write stories but they don’t want to share it with the world bc they consider it a private thing. It’s like that. I feel like it’s an invasion of my privacy and just bc it’s normalised to show your body doesn’t mean I need to conform, especially when the thought of it makes me so uncomfortable. I also find human bodies repulsive in general, so I don’t even want to see a guy I like naked. I prefer seeing them in clothes. Secondly, I feel like sex is when you’re at your most vulnerable state and I’m really against putting myself in such a position. I don’t want someone to see me lose myself like that, or get turned on by it. Thirdly, I have huge trust issues, you never know if a guy has secretly planted a video recorder (unlikely, but it happens) or maybe there’s nothing recording but just the idea of them going back to their mates and rating the entire experience or my body.. that risk in itself repulses me. So yeah! And the end of the day, I don’t see any positives in having sex.. just negatives 

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To Each Their Own

I’m consider myself sex repulsed because the thought of it, in general, disgusts me. But in particular, I don’t want to watch people having sex either. The sounds are the worst! I even hate the sound of kissing. It’s really all sounds to body fluids being smashed together between people. Just…ew. It brings to my mind the smells of offensive body odour. 

 

Lets be clear, if I saw two dogs going at it I’d be just as grossed out. Or if I were in a zoo and saw two lions, or any of the animals going at it, I’d be grossed out and have to leave. 

 

As an aside, I am also pregnancy repulsed. I seriously cannot even walk down the grocery store isle if there is a pregnant person already in it. I know they’re  not contagious, or anything, but I could seriously go on and on about this. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Galactic Turtle

The nudity, the fluids, the tactile nature of it all, the health risks, and the lack of control.

 

The first three I mentioned are general fears of mine. I'm very uncomfortable with touch, nudity even more. I also don't understand kissing, again because of fluids. The way the body beats with energy, the feel of skin on mine, the sound and feel of breath, of swallowing too. Feeling those things from another person makes me feel unsafe which is why even sitting next to someone on a couch puts me on edge. 

 

Losing control is also an ongoing concern. It's why I've never been attracted to drugs, alcohol, or making spontaneous decisions. As I've gotten older a fear of men has come into play (like if I was forced to have sex I'd do so with a woman). I receive intimacy the best through words/shared conversation. The physicality in many types of relationships unnerve me.

 

I don't find beauty in naked bodies or in newborns or in pregnancy. It all seems so alien to me so I'm put off by it.

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arekathevampyre
41 minutes ago, To Each Their Own said:

I’m consider myself sex repulsed because the thought of it, in general, disgusts me. But in particular, I don’t want to watch people having sex either. The sounds are the worst! I even hate the sound of kissing. It’s really all sounds to body fluids being smashed together between people. Just…ew. It brings to my mind the smells of offensive body odour. 

 

Lets be clear, if I saw two dogs going at it I’d be just as grossed out. Or if I were in a zoo and saw two lions, or any of the animals going at it, I’d be grossed out and have to leave. 

Same here !!

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Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet

I'm very sex repulsed. I find the sounds associated with it just nauseating. 

The bodily fluids in the act of sex disgust me to no end 😫 

I hate sex with a passion,and if I even see sex in any way, shape, or form, I get even more nauseous 😣

Sexual jokes I am fine with. However, sex scenes in movies/shows, unless comedic, I do not wanna see.😕

If other people wanna have sex, I'm not against it, of course. To each their own.😃

3 hours ago, swirl_of_blue said:

For me it's absolutely about losing control. The way sexuals have talked to me about why sex is so good it seems a big part, perhaps the biggest one, is being able to let go, forget all of their worries, live in the moment and not have to care about how they are doing, how they sound or look and so on. All of this sounds absolutely horrible to me! I want every word, every gesture and in general everything I do to be carefully planned, thought out and performed. Why would I want to do something where I KNOW I would look dumb, make dumb sounds and probably also say dumb things? That would be horribly humiliating. And also seeing a partner like that I would in addition to being embarrassed myself also feel shame on their behalf over them letting go of their composure as well. It would feel as if we were both dirtying both ourselves as well as each other. How could I subject myself, and even worse someone I care about, to something that dangerous?

I agree with this ^^

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MrDane

This is where the sexual need concrete info from the ace in order to be able to find good agreements. If bodily fluids are considered gross, then perhaps touching without getting in contact with bodily fluids can be a possible “compromise”. Perhaps the nakedness is disgusting, then being seen naked must be avoided. But the list needs to be precise and range from “what is nice”(if anything) to “what is disgusting and an absolute no-go”

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Janus DarkFox

Anyone that is avoidant or experiences discomfort, of all aspects of sex.  Is what I put on it in it's simplest terms, could be extended upon.  To me such asexual repulsion extends further from sexual anxiety, phobias and the like, not including any desire.

 

Most will experience some aversion or discomfort of certainly some aspects of sex in given circumstances, like simply not being in the mood or have hundreds of reasons for sexual repulsion at a given time.

 

It's also  matter of preference, simply put I don't or can't do many aspects of sex involving the mouth or certain bodily fluids.  This can extend to fetishes where many who are repulsed by the physical act, the mind itself can think differently or such a person can still indulge in it in other ways.  There's no way I can do a lot of things, but in fiction or written roleplay, can do that.

 

I have no real specific repulsion, overcome most aspects, particularly man-to-man gay sex in most part, prefer not to or have particular for sex.

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Sally
4 hours ago, MrDane said:

This is where the sexual need concrete info from the ace in order to be able to find good agreements. If bodily fluids are considered gross, then perhaps touching without getting in contact with bodily fluids can be a possible “compromise”. Perhaps the nakedness is disgusting, then being seen naked must be avoided. But the list needs to be precise and range from “what is nice”(if anything) to “what is disgusting and an absolute no-go”

It's individual in every case, meaning the two have to talk with each other about possible compromise.

 

I think being repulsed by sex is similar to being repulsed by other things:  Doing it or even thinking about doing it makes you feel sick to your stomach, wanting to think about something else, not wanting to read or hear about it, etc.  Repulsion is repulsion.

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swirl_of_blue
10 hours ago, Sally said:

I think being repulsed by sex is similar to being repulsed by other things:  Doing it or even thinking about doing it makes you feel sick to your stomach, wanting to think about something else, not wanting to read or hear about it, etc.  Repulsion is repulsion.

Not necessarily for everyone. I enjoy thinking about sex, reading erotica and even watching porn. I can even fantasize of myself having sex. But if I find myself in a situation where I would have to take part in the real act itself, the horror-shame-disgust-panic kicks in.

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Ace ♠ At ♠ Archery

I just find it strange how the area where you go to the bathroom could be considered "sexy." People are usually repulsed by germs or anything like that. :huh: I guess if you are aroused you don't really think about those sort of things whereas an asexual would.

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MrDane
14 hours ago, Sally said:

It's individual in every case, meaning the two have to talk with each other about possible compromise.

 

I think being repulsed by sex is similar to being repulsed by other things:  Doing it or even thinking about doing it makes you feel sick to your stomach, wanting to think about something else, not wanting to read or hear about it, etc.  Repulsion is repulsion.

True! I just wanted to point out, that it is very individual. My experience is that my wife, who isnt repulsed, loses her comfort zone if the focus is on “sexy”, but is capable of coping/liking when it is just relaxed and more like giving a massage. So the “same” bodily movements can be ok, if it is not put into a framework of hornyness, if that makes sense?

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Nowhere Girl
15 hours ago, Sally said:

I think being repulsed by sex is similar to being repulsed by other things:  Doing it or even thinking about doing it makes you feel sick to your stomach, wanting to think about something else, not wanting to read or hear about it, etc.  Repulsion is repulsion.

Which is why I say that I'm sex-averse, not sex-repulsed. Similar to @swirl_of_blue, I can enjoy sexual thoughts not involving myself. However, as I have described above, I'm totally scared and even disgusted about the idea of personally having sex.

Anyway, I like how this forum doesn't judge people. Admit that you're afraid of sex in the public and everyone will shout: "You Have A Problem!!!!!! We should drag you to a therapist!!". Here I can openly say it and it's not considered something bad as long as the subject accepts such feelings and doesn't want to change it.

 

Btw, I very much liked a sentence from one of Swankivy's posts on her blog: "I’m a lot more afraid of the HATRED that rolls out of people when I say I don’t want sex than I ever was of having it."

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EggplantWitch

I'm not sure if I have anything to add that hasn't already been said, but up front I'll say I found this thread really interesting. I never really realised that sex-repulsed people are repulsed in different ways before.

 

I think for all of us it's a kind of gut reaction, the same kind of disgust you feel when you see things like people being sick, insects feeding on dead bodies, horrific facial injuries. It's not really something that can be helped, it just is.

 

But anyway, for me personally the Number One Thing that brings on that feeling is the penetration aspect, at least in regards to PIV sex. The idea of putting anything up my vagina, even so much as a tampon, repulses me to the core. And having a rigid part of someone else's body rammed into me just seems like something straight out of a horror movie. I logically know that it's attractive to other people because of the hormones released, but emotionally I just can't understand how anyone could inflict that upon someone they claim to love.

 

Realising this - the fact it's the penetration I fear most - has actually made me less sex-repulsed in general, weirdly. Or at least made me realise there are sexual activities I could imagine myself partaking in for the right person, provided nothing has to enter any of my orifices :L

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LoopingBear

I’m neither here nor there with nudity - just whatever mostly. I wouldn’t describe myself as sex repulsed but definitely sex averse. It’s noise, messy, uncomfortable, I don’t like the smell, and then afterwards I just want to get it off me because yuk. I do it occasionally because I’m married to a sexual but I’d *really* rather not - totally ruins my day.

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Laplace

I consider myself more indifferent than averse, but I’d definitely would not just have sex with anyone and I have never been actively interested in it. It doesn’t really have any kind of allure for me at the moment. Like, I’d probably do something else like play video games rather than have casual sex. The only thing that kinda make me cringe a bit about it is that it seems rather....messy. That kinda instinctually makes me turn up my nose at the idea of it, but, I have had a grand total of zero sexual encounters so I have no real concrete reasons to like or hate it. It is just a bizarre process though when you think about it 🤔.

Not to make anyone’s aversion worse, but it just seems a bit invasive for women 😖🤨. I’m not really disgusted by my genitals but, when I overthink it, they just look like a weird fleshy alien probe 😖.

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InquisitivePhilosopher
4 hours ago, EggplantWitch said:

...I think for all of us it's a kind of gut reaction, the same kind of disgust you feel when you see things like people being sick, insects feeding on dead bodies, horrific facial injuries. It's not really something that can be helped, it just is....

(nodding emoji) Yes. Exactly! I thought of giving a similar analogy for the OP, like "It's similar to how people are drawn to certain types of music, food, etc.: they don't consciously know or think about why they like certain songs or food; they just are."

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Rhaenys
On 07/12/2017 at 7:09 AM, swirl_of_blue said:

For me it's absolutely about losing control. The way sexuals have talked to me about why sex is so good it seems a big part, perhaps the biggest one, is being able to let go, forget all of their worries, live in the moment and not have to care about how they are doing, how they sound or look and so on. All of this sounds absolutely horrible to me! I want every word, every gesture and in general everything I do to be carefully planned, thought out and performed. Why would I want to do something where I KNOW I would look dumb, make dumb sounds and probably also say dumb things? That would be horribly humiliating. And also seeing a partner like that I would in addition to being embarrassed myself also feel shame on their behalf over them letting go of their composure as well. It would feel as if we were both dirtying both ourselves as well as each other. How could I subject myself, and even worse someone I care about, to something that dangerous? Also I find bodily fluids gross, but I guess I could get over that disgust if I needed or wanted to. But dropping all of my facades and letting someone really see me, without me being able to carefully control everything? I can't relax enough to enjoy something like that, so all I would feel would be pure terror.

 

Also, if I could change how I feel about sex I would (as physically it has the potential to feel quite nice). But I just don't have the strength and self-confidence to be able to enjoy being vulnerable.

Can soooo relate to this.

 

For me when I was repulsed it was more sexuals attitude that made me feel sick about sex. Especially the over emphasis of sex and their desires over any other aspect of a person,character or situation. I used to feel sick and self concious ex. Like if I heard it in a song my inner reaction would be to wince and skip the parts of the song if I liked it. 

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Tintinfan

The idea of doing it makes me feel physically sick. 

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Santa's Little Elf

The idea makes me want to throw up and the mere thought of it makes me feel like i'm forced to watch a horror movie wich i absolutly don't like.Thank goodness i managed 30 years without ever having to have sex with someone and i'm still planning no to do that for many more to come.

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Tintinfan
6 minutes ago, Santa's Little Elf said:

The idea makes me want to throw up and the mere thought of it makes me feel like i'm forced to watch a horror movie wich i absolutly don't like.Thank goodness i managed 30 years without ever having to have sex with someone and i'm still planning no to do that for many more to come.

That^^^^

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Tankuusan

I've done it several times, but none of them did I ever enjoy it. In fact, after most of them, I was actually throwing up.

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Chrissy Noelle

Never had sex, but looking at this thread puts pieces of why I am sex-repulsed together. I did have effects from growing up religious but just reading makes me think... "...This is literally just a whole reason why I hate sex."

 

Some people said they they didn't want someone else to see them naked/didn't want to see someone else naked cause its gross or weird. That is probably one of my main reasons. Imagining someone looking at my body (even if it's the significant other) and then trying to touch it makes me shiver. Really badly. I do have social anxiety disorder so maybe that might be a reason why I don't want to be seen without clothes on/touched? Or maybe not. 

 

And thinking about sounds; I don't know what it sounds like to be honest, but if it's even slightly similar to the sound of making out "violently", I'm gonna hate it. I'm incredibly disgusted by certain soft sounds or weird bodily squelching/squishing. (I can't stand whispering, and ASMR and hearing half a second of it makes me throw my headphones away.). Yeah, I'm a girl, I get periods, and sometimes they're weird, but the idea of weird things and sounds going on down there

with another person sounds just so, so, disgusting. 

 

Some people also also said that to them they feel like they lose control. That sounds like something that could unconsciously contribute to my own sex repulsion, as imagining having sex just ends up me feeling like I'm just getting raped in my mind or something. Again, having social anxiety and not trusting people easily at all may also be a key factor. I don't know. But I agree with many of the posts up here in their own fears.

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UkesAndFlowercrowns

I've never had sex, but it just sounds so awkward and unpleasant to me. I've never understood the appeal of it.

 

Everything about the thought of me having sex just makes me so uncomfortable. Sure, it's supposed to be a fun way to bond with your partner and whatnot, but I just personally don't think it's worth it.

 

I also worry a lot about anything I can, and I have a fear of getting pregnant or an STD.  I can also be a bit touch sensitive at times. 

 

So sex just falls in to the gategory of "things I'd rather only try once or twice out of curiosity"

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