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dtcxdnc

I'm confused... am I asexual?

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dtcxdnc

I know that this forum may be a bit skewed in its responses, but I'm really confused.

 

I'm 16 year old male, and I have had what I think are crushes on some people, in that I like their personality, and want to spend time with them, and think they're cute or aesthetically pleasing, or maybe want to go on dates with them, and emotionally connect with them. In fact, I dated a girl once, and even though we never got physically intimate (like kissing, or even holding hands), I was pretty satisfied and content with it (although she was not).

 

Like I said before, I can tell whether people look nice, or even cute, but I don't recall being aroused by a real, physical person that many times, and I can't explain why, but I have this feeling that I don't really want to have sex in my life, even though I am not really repulsed by it. But sometimes I think that I'm too young to be sure of that

 

But on the other hand, I do get aroused randomly, and I do watch porn and masturbate, and porn sometimes, for a lack of a better phrasing, gives me a boner. Doesn't this mean I do get aroused from people, and therefore, not an asexual?
 

 

I'm just so confused, any guidance would be deeply appreciated.

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Starry Night

The general definition for asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, which doesn't necessarily include physical arousal. You can be physically turned on without actually desiring to have sex with someone. For myself, I can be physically aroused by viewing kissing/touching, etc, but I'm repulsed by the idea of the act of sex.

 

So I think you could consider yourself asexual if you aren't interested in engaging in it with anyone. It's up to you, really, and how you feel. I definitely don't think you're too young to be thinking about this, but remember if you think you're asexual now, that doesn't mean you're permanently stuck in it. If you change your mind, or someday meet someone you ARE attracted to, that doesn't make your feelings now any less important or valid. In my personal opinion, people spend way too much time trying to fit themselves and others into boxes when it comes to sexuality... I don't believe it's nearly as black and white as some seem to think. Everyone is different.

 

Hope this helps, even a little. However you feel, I'm sure you'll be welcome here. :) 

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LadyLor

Welcome to AVEN. It definitely sounds like asexuality is a possible answer to how you are describing your situation. Personally I do get turned on by some porn, but not people and still identify as asexual. But it's up to you how you identify or if you want to identify as anything at all!

While you are here have some cake!

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nate-1234
1 hour ago, dtcxdnc said:

I know that this forum may be a bit skewed in its responses, but I'm really confused.

 

I'm 16 year old male, and I have had what I think are crushes on some people, in that I like their personality, and want to spend time with them, and think they're cute or aesthetically pleasing, or maybe want to go on dates with them, and emotionally connect with them. In fact, I dated a girl once, and even though we never got physically intimate (like kissing, or even holding hands), I was pretty satisfied and content with it (although she was not).

 

Like I said before, I can tell whether people look nice, or even cute, but I don't recall being aroused by a real, physical person that many times, and I can't explain why, but I have this feeling that I don't really want to have sex in my life, even though I am not really repulsed by it. But sometimes I think that I'm too young to be sure of that

 

But on the other hand, I do get aroused randomly, and I do watch porn and masturbate, and porn sometimes, for a lack of a better phrasing, gives me a boner. Doesn't this mean I do get aroused from people, and therefore, not an asexual?
 

 

I'm just so confused, any guidance would be deeply appreciated.

You and me are quite similar. I am new here too and discovered that I was asexual a couple of weeks ago and yes I love porn. This is where I can watch my kinks play out before my eyes. I have never been sexually attracted to the girls or boys in those videos (or in general) what turns me on is the kink. In other words, it is not who is doing it, it is what they are doing. That is an important distinction to make for yourself. Also, I would not want to experience those kinks in real life (maybe fantasy) but rather watch the play out. If they offered to do those things with me I would refuse because that just does not make me feel aroused because as much as I tried to experience sexual attraction, I just can not.

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Apathetic Echidna

porn or erotica is basically all a sort of distant fantasy, like movies, you watch for entertainment so it doesn't really say anything about your orientation unless you desire to replicate what you saw with real people you are attracted to. So you can pretty much discount any porn watching or reading as unimportant to your orientation discovery. 

 

1 hour ago, dtcxdnc said:

I have had what I think are crushes on some people, in that I like their personality, and want to spend time with them, and think they're cute or aesthetically pleasing, or maybe want to go on dates with them, and emotionally connect with them. In fact, I dated a girl once, and even though we never got physically intimate (like kissing, or even holding hands), I was pretty satisfied and content with it (although she was not).

Not to throw more things at you while you are investigating sexuality, but have you looked at some of the different romantic orientations? It does take quite a bit of self analysis to determine the difference between different attractions and whether you have felt them all or not. The fact that you are unsure about if they were crushes or not is probably a good indicator you should check out the aromantic spectrum definitions, which you never know, may help you define your sexuality if there are some muddled attractions. 

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