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SilentRose

So...what's the big deal with cuddling?

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SilentRose

On this site I see aromantics and romantics alike saying they only desire to cuddle in relationships, that cuddling is the best thing ever etc. I'm just curious, do people actually have an innate "desire" to cuddle? 

I'm confused as someone who is admittedly not very tactile. Cuddling with my boyfriend I could take or leave. Yes, it can keep me warm, and it's not unpleasant. But I don't get what makes it better than just sitting across from each other on the couch? Sometimes it can be uncomfortable too, position wise. Generally I prefer to just sit across from someone, having my own space, no matter how much I like or even love them. Why are people so drawn to it and call it one of the best parts of having a relationship? 

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DayDreamer~

I guess for me it's just about a feeling of safety and comfort being around someone I care about, really. For me it's one of the few ways I am able to show affection physically since I'm asexual and refuse to compromise on other physical things. Being romantic ace, I just like the idea of feeling happy next to someone and being able to have those moments of joy being close to the person I'm developing a relationship with in a lightly tactile way. I'm unsure how to word the feeling, honestly. 

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dawnflower8

I don't really get it. I only like cuddling with animals and plushies. For me, cuddling people is just uncomfortable, and just being touched in general. I don't know if this is an ace thing or a sensory processing disorder thing...maybe a combination of both. 

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pistachio
34 minutes ago, SilentRose said:

But I don't get what makes it better than just sitting across from each other on the couch? Sometimes it can be uncomfortable too, position wise. Generally I prefer to just sit across from someone, having my own space, no matter how much I like or even love them.

!!! I've never really thought about cuddling specifically but this is exactly how I feel. Like my best friend is very touchy feely and while I love her, I'm not, at all, and it's hard trying to tell people "please don't sit so close to me" without sounding like a miserable person in general haha. 

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Pest

Me and my partner cuddle a lot, and I love it. While I don't enjoy sex, intimacy (both physical and emotional) is very important to me, and for us cuddling is a great way to share that together.

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Groobly

While I'm personally disgusted by anything sex related, I still like the look and feel of the female form. So, being warm, cozy, and intimate with someone I love is just a really pleasant thought to me, as long as there's no undertones of this is a precursor to sex. Since I'm demiromantic though, I could only really do this with someone I deeply trust and care about. It's been a long time since I've cuddled with anyone, and I'm a much different person who's now openly aware of my asexuality and also values personal space a lot more since the last time I did, so maybe if I actually did it now I'd find myself not liking it as much as I remember...but I still think I'd like it.

 

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Lirpaderp

Cuddling is like an extended hug I guess. Sometimes people are really in the mood for a hug, cuddling would probably fulfill that desire.

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Kazka

Non-Sexual physical intimacy?

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Cat-a-tat-tat

For me it isn't just the act of cuddling that I enjoy. It is knowing that the person your near wants to be near you without any expectations. It could be silent cuddling - just doing our own thing - or conversing and just nudging each other as we make a point or letting yourself relax because you've been close to hyperventilating about an issue for a while but they just came up to you and gave you a hug and it all felt a bit better. Cuddling is hugging without the expectation of letting go after x amount of seconds. It's a 'I know that you don't enjoy some physical contact but I'm here in whatever way that you'll have me because I want you in any way I can have you (without pushing your boundaries, of course.)' I enjoy cuddling because even though I wouldn't want to have sex with someone, it is a form of contact that will bring me closer to my friends and family.

 

Plus, I get cold feet super easily and putting my cold toesies under someone's leg will warm them up faster than socks. :D

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Nowhere Girl

I don't get it either. Absolutely no offence for people who like to cuddle! But still the fact is that I, personally, very rarely feel any need for any physical contact. For me the basic activity done for closeness is talking.

A bit strangely, at the same time I don't feel like I could be OK with a long-distance relationship. Maybe because my understanding of intimacy I would desire in a platonic relationship includes lending each other books, showing interesting things, treating the other person to tea, watching movies together...

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nate-1234

Yes I do have the urge but the sole urge isn't necessarily to cuddle, it is the innate urge for innocent yet romantic acts as a whole. Some examples of those innocent romantic urges that I have include: cuddling under the blankets, resting my head on one's chest, kiss on the cheek (giving and receiving), chaste kisses, although I do have the urge to make out,  hugs, being close to someone physically

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Amathy

From a biological level humans are pack animals and snuggling/cuddling increases oxytocin levels which reduces stress.

(I know that not everyone likes cuddling- this is just the biological reason it is so popular)

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Apathetic Echidna

I am a very tactile person but I go through periods of not wanting any physical contact with others. Being aro all my comments are more about friends than a partner, but I'm sure it works in a couple relationship too. 

As for cuddling it is always a nice source of external warmth when it is cold.

Sometimes it is the excuse to feel the texture of someone's clothes/hair/skin.

Sometimes it is just about feeling accepted, another person allows you to get physically close, you share personal space and you aren't rejected. 

Sometimes it is about trust. You trust this other person with your body and emotions. Secret sharing can sometimes only be done when the trust of touch is already occurring. 

Sometimes it is simply a reassurance that you aren't alone, a group safety mentality. It is easier to relax when your eyes are closed if you can feel someone else nearby. (this point is probably the reason why people end up huddling together during horror movies. I was once in a pile of 8 after a Halloween movie party)

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Warsaw

I would like to know what the draw is to cuddling.  I would hate having to deal with the body heat of cuddling.  It is WAY too warm, completely awkward and not worth the effort.  I also don't like being vulnerable, or sharing, or people on my bed that aren't me.  I'd rather do any number of 100 things before cuddling, and wouldn't cuddle unless expressly requested by my significant other.

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Nylocke

It gives me warmth so that's a good thing, otherwise I am a touchy feely kinda person xD I find that some people can be annoyed by it but luckly my boyfriend doesn't have a problem with it :D

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