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Mander

What is this feeling?

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Mander

Hello! I am new to this community, and am still questioning whether I am asexual or not. I fear intimate relationships and sex, and have always tried to avoid it under any circumstances. I am also diagnosed with GAS, and my parents say that it might have something to do with my anxiety and that I likely haven't really matured enough to have sexual desires yet, although I'm already in college and yet still feel nothing that most people refer to as "sexual attraction."

Anyway.  

I have always noticed that there is a particular appearance that always makes me look at a guy and feel like 'I want it.' I don't want to do anything sexual of the sort, but just to hold them in my arms, look into their eyes and just stare at them and kind of get lost in the sea of emotions that their eyes hold. Even kissing would be too much for me. Him acknowledging my presence is enough. I've heard a lot from my friends about my lack of sexual desire toward men(I find it so hard to imagine and anytime I can I want to throw up), but when I see a guy with certain features, my heart can't help but to yearn to hold it close and protect it. Maybe it's just a motherly instinct of a sort, because they tend to have large eyes like a child, but always have a very masculine look to them as well. For that reason, it makes it more difficult for me to know what this feeling is. 

 

 

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Chrissy Noelle

Based on what I've read around here, it sounds like you have romantic attraction? That is not a part of sexual attraction, as that's a whole other thing by itself. 

I can sort of relate in the not wanting intimacy/sex and sometimes harbor disgust for the idea of it. However I've never heard of GAS, what does that stand for?

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LiviLammister

You sound very similar to me and I identify as "heteroromantic asexual".  As Chrissy said, romantic attraction and sexual attraction are different things.  Most of the allosexuals I have encountered experience both at the same time, and are confused when I insist that I experience romantic attraction alone.

Sometimes I use fetishes to describe the disconnect between the two.  Let's say person A is an allosexual with a foot fetish and person B is an allosexual with no fetish.  Person A would NEVER tell person B "You aren't attracted to feet?!  Well someday - when you are older and more experienced - you will understand.  You will meet that special somebody that totally changes your mind about feet".

Some people never become attracted to sex, or feet and that is OK.  It could be a maturity thing, but it could also just be the way you are.  My heart goes out to you friend, and I hope you come to terms with your feeling!

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Adleisio

I have this same feeling! Like that you want to be near them, and be able to understand their feelings and thoughts, and just make a really deep connection? But it's so difficult to try and explain it to my friends :mellow:. It's really nice to hear that other people have this experience though!

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