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tofu24

How to deal with people who like me?

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tofu24

Hey guys, I have a problem. I'm an aroace and I have two guys who seem to like me. They both always try to make eye contact, DM me, ask when I'm free, hang around to wait for me etc. I've only spoken to them a handful of times and wouldn't consider us friends, which is why all the attention makes me uncomfortable, almost as if they're invading my space. I even feel a pang of annoyance when one of them goes out of their way to try and talk to me D: I've tried ignoring them, which only seems to help for a short while (and plus, I see them most days since my program is quite small). At the same time, I feel I can't outright say I'm not interested either since neither of them have told me directly that they like me! I've identified as aroace for a few years now, but this is the first time anyone's showed any romantic interest in me since then, so any advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance!

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Palovana

Just keep ignoring them. They'll get the message eventually. If it really annoys you and they're too stupid to get it and don't piss off, tell them straight up you want to be left alone. Of course, they'll probably get all mad and call you a b**** or whatever because their fragile egos can't handle the idea that someone they're interested in isn't falling all over themselves for them, but if you hold your ground they can't really do anything except make a physical advance. In which case you can call the police. Usually works for me.

 

Oh and one more thing - don't smile if they're talking to you. Don't even smile when you say hi. For some reason the vast majority of straight men think that when you smile at them and say hi just because you're being polite means you want to hook up with them. Keep a straight face. Don't look at them. If you must, just acknowledge their presence with a monotone "hey" or whatever. Don't worry about coming across as rude. If anything, that's what you want and it'll work to your benefit in this situation.

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World

I get you, this would get me in trouble, as I have always mislead or thought I should be in a relationship with the person who is showing interest even if I wasn’t wanting to.

Good thing is you know who you are. 

Stick with your gut.

i don’t think you need to say anything out right.

as people can be cruel if you reject them and they havnt said they like you, because they love the fantasy of liking you being a secret, the romantisizing can be quite addictive.

People are going to be attracted to you.

Just be you, until one of them asks you out, you can say no.

they don’t need to know your sexuality.

(I’m writing on my iPad sorry if my the formatting or grammar is off or any mistakes are seen.)

What I’m trying to say is people are going to be attracted to you, but all you need to do, is say no and walk away.

Dont be a people pleaser that has failed me.

or say yes to a date and think you will tell them your sexuality story.

if you know it’s not about being friends.. know ok, someone likes me,

do I want to like them ? 

And go from there. :D

this situation is only going to make you stronger and be confident. 

Good luck.

 

 

 

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tofu24

Ahhhh thanks so much guys!! I've tried talking to my friends about this but they either think my situation is hilarious or because they don't know where I'm coming from, can only sympathize. I thought I was going crazy for awhile for not wanting the attention... eep! Getting advice like this, from people who understand, it really means so much to me. 

 

@World you are so right about sticking with my guts! So many times I've wondered if I should just give romantic relationships a go, but every time I realize it's pointless to force myself to get involved in something I already know I'm not interested in. And @Palovana I'm definitely a very smiley person. It'll be hard, but I'll definitely try smiling less in convo! Thanks again you guys. 

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Apathetic Echidna

I will just say that ignoring them but having occasional contact can leave it open for them to construct a fantasy, so if you want to ignore them then you should completely blank them for a while. Don't see them when they are around, don't hear them when they speak, don't even read any of their DMs or other written messages. But this is fairly extreme.

 

If they make you uncomfortable definitely tell them about it. Also try to frown more, don't smile and nod if you don't agree or don't understand, a silent frown does wonders to killing feelings. 

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