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World

Am I asexual .. I’m figuring out who Iam ..

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World

I have felt like I hav been living an uncomfortable life, always feeling like I need to be this sexy female. So I had a lot of sex, but never felt satisfied  and always felt used in my relationships, sadly I was raped too so this added to my years of confusion. 

I missed the boat on identify your sexuality class, my life has beeen very much man and women. Meaning old school thinking.

i had transgender friends, and they confided their woes back in the 90’s.. 

i always had a heart for the struggles people had with there sexuality...

but I never had the opportunity to figure out mine.

i had a girlfriend once thinking I was gay,  I loved her, but never really wanted to be gay.

plus we both struggled with shame and guilt as we are CHRISTIAN.

i also noticed why it was uncomfortable for me, was because I flet like I needed to be sexual with her,

and never really wanted to... but again I thought I was supposed to..

i love God and  finally found a church that is All gender friendly and expressive about sexuality and various sexual colours.

I also I had a baby, and afterwards having my baby made me really see how much I don’t care about sex.

my baby became my shield, I was finally free, no one would be attracted me now. 

But now as my baby is getting older, I’m afriad I will be back in the market again, and back in the same situation.

 

All I ever wanted was to be in a conversation of love, hold someone, and be held.

sex I saw not a thing I ever wanted but felt it was my duty to perform.

to the point where I wish I could have sewn my vagina closed.

i never found people attractive, I would notice I was attracting quite hot people until my friends mentioned it,

im the same with skin colours, I don’t notice features or Color, I see people with hearts. 

i see people as people. 

i want to fall in love, and be loved, without the  expectations that my body is theirs for what ever they desire.

so is there a asexual quiz? Or a sexuality quiz?

Also how do you talk to people about your sexuality?

Im thankful for this  group and I’m hoping I figure out myself so that I can feel at peace.

 

 

 

 

 

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alicio

I'm sorry that you've had to go through the hardship you've faced. Hopefully by learning more about who you are, future difficulties will be easier to manage.

 

By the sounds if it, it does seem like you're under the asexual-umbrella. I would recommend looking into the different romantic orientations, as those can differ from the sexual.

https://ravishly.com/2016/12/28/different-types-romantic-orientations-which-one-are-you

 

Good luck, and all of us are here for you!

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mindlife

I pray that you find that conversation of love you're looking for.  

 

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mindlife

As for how you might explain your asexuality, you might study our FAQs and then reflect on your own experiences and attitudes.  You will be able to articulate your orientation accurately if you think, and perhaps write about it.

 

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World

Thank you @mindlife I will read more about the FAQ as I read people’s questions I can see a thread that resonates with me and thank you for the prayer 🙏 and @alicio for you’re encouragement and the link, the definitions are very new to me, and slightly confusing as im learning  new language. But in time I will understand more and more. Thank you for opening up this window for me, really enjoyed reading it, :) 

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To Each Their Own

It’s seems like you are romantic. So, what would your ideal relationship look like? Like, if you could design your perfect relationship…what would that look like?

 

also, it might help to answe this question: if I were to tell you that you didn’t ever have to have sex again, how would that make you feel? Relieved? Anxious? Upset? Indifferent? Something else?

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