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Lost_in_wonderland

Getting over feeling broken

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Lost_in_wonderland

A few months ago, I finally discovered the label asexual and it fit me perfectly. Everything made sense. I know a lot of people say that when they found out about asexuality, they felt less broken and all, but when I found out about asexuality, I just felt somehow more broken. Like, I always thought that not wanting sex was completely normal when you were a teenager and that I'd get over it eventually and just be normal. I don't know how I could think that, considering how often I hear about how horny my classmates are. But finding out about asexuality meant that I might always feel this way. I came out to my friend a few weeks ago and he told me he was really scared for me; scared that I'd never find love. And sometimes, a lot of times, I feel the same way.

 

There's this tumblr post floating around about "Oh comment about whether or not you'd date an asexual" and a lot of people seemed to say no, which is completely okay I guess. It's their life. I don't even know who to turn to to talk about how I feel because I feel like the topic just makes my non-ace friends uncomfortable or turn really patronizing. They don't understand, which is a really teenager-y thing to say, I know. I don't know where I'm going with this. I just needed to get it out there, maybe hear from other people who are ace. I'm just so afraid that not wanting to have sex makes me unloveable, like I'm going to be rejected so many times in my life because no one would want to be with an asexual person, because "sex is part of a healthy relationship". I know there are so many "happy ending" stories from people who found love, but it feels like there's not a lot of stories from other people who are sex-repulsed. I don't know if I could force myself to have sex. Sometimes I feel fine about sex, but most of the time I don't think I'd want to. I'm young. I don't know. Sometimes I feel like maybe I'm too young to understand all these feelings, but if other people my age are having sex, that must mean that I'm at an age where, if I was going to experience sexual attraction, I would have by now. I guess I'd just like to know how other people got over the feeling of being broken, if anyone's felt this way too, even after finding out about asexuality. Sorry my thoughts are really scattered. 

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Zenzencat104

You are not broken, and there are tens if not hundreds of millions of people who think like you on this planet, you can be loved for who you are.

Not just that, but you have 100,000 people to talk to on this site, you are not alone.

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LadyLor

Welcome! i'm not a sex-repulsed ace but there are bound to be success stories on here from those people. Likely the safer path is to date another ace, but if you do end up dating a person who is sexually communication is key.

I hope you have a wonderful time here. And have some cake!

Image result for wonderland cake

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Galactic Turtle

I was similar to you in that once I knew there was a word for the way I was it was like being stamped with some sort of condition. I think the important thing is to know that your sexuality doesn't define you as a person even though it's nice to learn about yourself and others like you (that's why aven is a cool place!). Building confidence in yourself - all parts of you - I think can minimize the feeling of being broken. I'm aro-ace on top of having an aversion to touch. These words are nice to know but regardless of all that I've focused on really trying to pay attention to how people communicate with each other and how they feel about these parts of life that I don't really understand because despite being different from them in a few "odd" ways, I'm still human and I still desire to communicate things like affection, concern, or comfort. These days I try not to look at myself as a person who is broken but maybe more as a person who has to take some extra time to learn a language everyone around me picked up naturally and make sure the people I interact with understand me.

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nimbus

Not wanting sex doesn't make you unlovable. Love encompasses so much more than just sex and I'm sure there are great things about you that would make a partner happy. I'm pretty sure I'm sex-repulsed too. And sex isn't necessarily part of a healthy relationship either; for sex-repulsed aces, it can be very damaging for one's emotional or mental health. Nobody should ever be forcing themselves to do it.


Being asexual or sex repulsed might seem like a burden because it will limit your dating options, but if you look at it from a different perspective, it will help you filter and focus your efforts by narrowing down the people who you can date to those who'd be most compatible with you.


There are videos on YouTube about asexuality, and you can meet in-person with groups of aces through this forum. Seeing other aces and how they behave can give you a sense that it's all very ordinary. Some of them do have relationships. They also struggle just as much as sexual people, but sometimes differently.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_XkhsD1C9MA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11GGzOGIJnk


It sounds like your peers are old enough to know they're sexual, so you're old enough to know you aren't. Maybe with more time learning about asexuality and sex-repulsion, you'll feel more content with all this. And if you need people to talk to, we're here for you!

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Quality_Penguins

As a fellow sex-repulsed ace, I totally get where you're coming from. A lot of times I'm afraid that I won't ever find someone who will be willing to give up sex and having kid for me. But at least I know that if I do find someone, they'll love me for who I am and not just my body. It can still be really scary though. Still, don't give in if you don't wan to have sex, you shouldn't do that if it'll mess up really badly.

 

As far as the whole broken thing, I personally like to use the term as a reminder that I don't think "normally" when I run into allos being allos. But it doesn't make you any less of a human being, and being ace is just another part of you. You're just who you are, nothing less. It doesn't make you less important, so remember that. We'll all be here for you.

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