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"Hormones"


Miss Wrong

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I joined a women's hockey team recently in my new city. The team is split about 50-50 between straight and gay women. There are one or two girls who are bi, but the other teammates accuse them of "picking a side" once they got married.

 

But I digress. I had to give the whole "I'm ace and this is what that means" speech to my team, and got some pretty uncomfortable/ degrading questions. But one of the things that comes up time and time again is "hormones." 

People see asexuality as something that needs to be "cured." So many people say it to me that it is really starting to get to my head. Being gay used to be considered a "illness" that needed a "cure" with "conversion therapy" and all that jazz. But now (most) people realize that inaccurate, offensive, dangerous, and all the rest. But suddenly, when you tell them you're ace, its like they jump back 100 years and start suggesting the same things. How do I know I'm ace and that I don't just need a shot of male/female hormone? IS this something I should be curing? How can I see myself as a valid sexuality when people keep telling me I need to go see a doctor.

 

Once you're on the right side of history its so easy to look back and condemn what other people did. But when faced with the same choices, people make the same mistakes. How can I believe in myself when no one else believes in me?

 

 

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I can see how people can reach that conclusion because we know whether we're interested in men or women (usually) and have a lack of/no sexual desire, which can sometimes be a hormone imbalance, although it can be caused by other things like stress and depression. Yes, we know it's not those things for us but people like to assume things. I suppose all we can do is stick with the people that support us and ignore the rest.

 

I believe in you and sure others will do too. :)

 

*hugs*

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nerdperson777

Well, all I can contribute is that if you are content the way you are, that is fine.  Only if you are stressed by it in terms of you want it but you can't, then it's some sexual disorder.

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Forgotten Fox

^^^Exactly, You just gotta find the people who do believe you as they're always out there. No need to go fixing something that isn't broken is what I always think when people bring up the hormone argument.

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Most people consider a lack of sexual desire to be a medical problem.  This is likely fueled that if they stopped feeling sexual desire, they would see it as a medical problem and see a doctor.  I think there is an assumption that you should want to feel sexual desire and be concerned that you don't.  When I mention that I don't feel sexual attraction to doctors I always follow that statement by saying that I'm not concerned about it.  If I don't add that I'm not concerned, the doctor assumes I want to 'fix' it. However, if I add the statement that I'm not concerned, the doctors don't care.  So I think that people, including doctors, assume you mention that you don't feel sexual attraction because you are concerned about it and the vast majority of people are concerned about it. However, I've had a doctor tell me that lack of sexual attraction/desire is only a medical concern if I am distressed by it. 

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Funny, I had to check my hormone levels before starting testosterone therapy, and my levels were 100% normal by "female" standards. Even then, I've experienced estrogen-based and testosterone-based puberties, and I'm as asexual as ever. I didn't even get the absurd libido spike that's so ubiquitous with starting testosterone. My relationship with my body changed, but I still don't experience attraction.

 

Nobody's ever asked me to get my hormones checked, but that might be because 1) I don't talk about my orientation much, and 2) I regularly monitor my hormone levels for my testosterone therapy. That said, some people just assume that my asexuality is rooted in dysphoria, yet I believe I would have been ace even if I were cis.

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24 minutes ago, Miss Wrong said:

How can I believe in myself when no one else believes in me?

You are the leading expert in you. I know I know 100,000 more facts about me then my  best friend does. They may come around they may not but Don’t Doubt Yourself.

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People fear what they don't understand.  Homosexuality, even if some people still fear and persecute it, is at least more well known and recognized now than it used to be and is less likely to draw that "what's wrong with you" sentiment.

 

Asexuality isn't quite there yet, unfortunately.

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