• Announcements

    • Kelly

      New Team members Needed--Moderator, Project Team, and Declass Team: Voting   12/10/13

      See:   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/164659-new-declass-team-member-needed-voting/   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/164657-new-moderator-member-needed-qa-co-mod-and-world-watch-mod-voting/   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/164656-new-project-team-member-needed-resources-and-education-director-voting/  
    • Kelly

      AVENues Holiday Special Edition is now live   08/17/17

      The new edition of AVENues is done!   See:        
    • Lady Girl

      Ace Community Census   11/06/17

      It’s time for the 2017 Ace Community Census!   see:   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/162675-announcing-the-2017-ace-community-census/  
    • Heart

      Help fund AVEN's servers!   11/06/17

      AVEN is doing its annual fundraiser to raise donations for server costs! See http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/163251-aven-server-fundraiser/ for more details.  
aimyourarrows

Help me make a move?

Recommended Posts

aimyourarrows

my friend and I have recently started a somewhat ~romantic relationship (my first). well actually its been a few months now. we have kissed and cuddled a couple times, kinda made out once when we were both not sober, and i think about her and miss her all the time. everytime we plan to "hang out" i think this is the chance to move the relationship forward but it never happens. we've both admitted we just are too anxious about it we can't seem to make a move. when thinking about her, i want something to happen so much but then when im actually with her i freeze up and don't do anything. then i regret it, worried that time is running out until we lose interest. i dont think im concerned about being rejected, as im pretty sure she has feelings for me still but i just feel anxious about being awkward maybe and can't seem to find the courage to kiss her or hold her hand or cuddle up close or anything. our friend is having a party next weekend so ngl im hoping being not sober will help, but i can't rely on that.

 

so any advice or tips or words or anything to help me be able to just go for it next time??

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
praetorius
25 minutes ago, aimyourarrows said:

so any advice or tips or words or anything to help me be able to just go for it next time??

OK:**

"Just go for it next time."

 

Make a plan for doing that while still sober. If that falls through in real life, try again in the not-sober case, with a backup plan to try again in  the really-not-sober case.

Alternatively, just send her a copy of your post here --- crude, honest, hopefully effective.

 

** Disclaimer: never had any close relationships myself, so any advice is completely theoretical and comes without any guarantee of working. On the other hand, any other advice will be similarly hazard to chance, so, "just go for it next time."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Icelandic WinterDragon

If you have that feeling of wanting to bring the relationship deeper while you're with her do it, talk to her about it, see what she says. 

Best of luck....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
roland.o
14 hours ago, aimyourarrows said:

we've both admitted we just are too anxious about it we can't seem to make a move

So you actually talked about this? You both of you are curious where this might lead?

 

Here's an idea: keep talking about it. Maybe long distance, on phone or via computer. Keep admitting your mutual anxiety. Discuss possible boundaries of what might or should not happen when you meet, in advance, while still sober. Then get on a date, start hanging out, maybe drink a little, and see what happens. Afterwards, get back to talking about it and find out if both of you are interested in some more. By establishing a talking relationship, and setting boundaries in advance, you should be able to overcome the anxiety and fear of repercussions if things don't work out as you'd like it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Deus Ex Infinity
15 hours ago, aimyourarrows said:

my friend and I have recently started a somewhat ~romantic relationship (my first). well actually its been a few months now. we have kissed and cuddled a couple times, kinda made out once when we were both not sober, and i think about her and miss her all the time. everytime we plan to "hang out" i think this is the chance to move the relationship forward but it never happens. we've both admitted we just are too anxious about it we can't seem to make a move. when thinking about her, i want something to happen so much but then when im actually with her i freeze up and don't do anything. then i regret it, worried that time is running out until we lose interest. i dont think im concerned about being rejected, as im pretty sure she has feelings for me still but i just feel anxious about being awkward maybe and can't seem to find the courage to kiss her or hold her hand or cuddle up close or anything. our friend is having a party next weekend so ngl im hoping being not sober will help, but i can't rely on that.

 

so any advice or tips or words or anything to help me be able to just go for it next time??

No real useful advise but just don't try to push or force yourself into something if the moment doesn't feel right to you. It might make you feel even worse or destroy something between the two of you. So just don't think too much about it and go with the flow instead. Whatever will be will be ;) 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
EggplantWitch
On 12/4/2017 at 6:46 PM, roland.o said:

Keep admitting your mutual anxiety. Discuss possible boundaries of what might or should not happen when you meet, in advance, while still sober. Then get on a date, start hanging out, maybe drink a little, and see what happens. Afterwards, get back to talking about it and find out if both of you are interested in some more. By establishing a talking relationship, and setting boundaries in advance, you should be able to overcome the anxiety and fear of repercussions if things don't work out as you'd like it.

I've never been in a relationship but this sounds like very sensible advice to me

 

In addition to that, I'd recommend utilising other forms of communication if face-to-face stresses you out too much. If texting or IM seems too impersonal or too immediate you could try writing her a letter expressing what you've told us? That you're interested in her, and maybe you're wrong but you think she's interested in you, and you'd like to try and make something of it. It wouldn't have to be an actual on-paper letter... I've been planning on bringing up the topic of romance with my crush by using a Google Doc for example :P It sounds like she'll be understanding of you regardless as to whether she wants a relationship or not, so at this point all you really need is courage. Best of luck!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
aimyourarrows

thanks for the comments, everyone. they all sound like good options to me so I'll think some more and then i guess just do something and see what happens! :unsure:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now