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Betrayed by my socialisation

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Hi everyone, pleased to meet you all.  Th is my first post outside the Welcome Lounge.

Anyway, I’m AMAB and was raised as a boy, but it feels like I’ve grown up asymmetrically in that I’m missing the piece of my childhood which is girlhood, and I’ve felt that since I was about 11.  In a sense, when I have “girl days” I know I’m a girl on the inside but I don’t have any of the behaviours and social signals which would convince others of this and I feel that piece of the puzzle is now inaccessible.  I act like a boy but I’m not really, and I don’t know how to change that.  In addition when I visited my family last year (I live abroad) I felt like I was pretty much at the point where they were congratulating themselves that they’d raised a successful man, that there almost weren’t any traces of me not being male left.  I didn’t feel comfortable about it then and I feel even more awkward about it now that I’m out as trans and genderfluid.  I feel they’ve never seen anything which would make them believe what I say, but I know I’m not cis!  Does anyone else feel betrayed by their socialisation?

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Well, I’m not sure if that’s what you mean but my friends (the ones I haven’t come out to), I’m pretty sure they think I’m hetero. I’ve known them since 7th grade (except for one) and it’s been since that year that I’ve really been questioning my sexuality. Since then, I’ve always said somebody instead of girl/boy and I do make comments on girls sometimes. What I mean is that I’ve never referred to a potential partner with gender pronouns in front of them but they still think I’m straight. They assume that I am and that’s what bothers me.

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I get what you mean. Sometimes I feel like since I was socialized as a girl (AFAB) that I’m missing something now as a trans guy. I now act more masculinly but that was a result of actively studying and mimicing other males behavior (Mostly just stance and body language). It wasn’t natural like it is for me to adopt a more female pose. 

I have more female friends since I was socialized as one and more often than not people make close friends with those of the same gender. I won’t be able to relate to a boy’s growing up and socialization and thus always feel a little removed from them. 


And maybe that piece isn’t inaccessable to you? Maybe try what I did and study the body language of females. I’m not entirely sure if it’s true but imagine a line, apparently females walk on that line like a tightrope while males walk with feet on either side. When I changed how I walked I realized it did seem like a more masculine walk (although I couldn’t achieve it fully since my bone structure is better suited to a female walk.)


I get the whole family not believing what you say. Even though my mom is trying to be supportive I’m not sure sure she actually gets it. 


I hope yours come to truly believe you at some point. 

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