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aballofthoughts

How would you react to being asked out

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To Each Their Own
2 hours ago, Scott1989 said:

I don't know the exact words but I hope I would say I'm flattered but not interested due to me.

It would have to be someone that doesn’t know me very well at all, but I would probably respond much like Scott did above. I would then explain that I’m both aromantic and asexual. 

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Toothpaste Fairy

With a lot of stuttering. And that’s if I realize I’m being asked out. 

 

It would probably go something like thanks but I’m not interested, if they asked why I would just say something like I’m not particularly into romance and stuff. 

 

On the off chance it’s someone I have confused feelings about and willing to give a shot, I’d be honest with them about how I felt as well as give a disclaimer about my ace/possible aro-ness and ask whether they would be willing to give it a shot. 

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SilentRose

I've been asked out many times actually, and I always end up responding in the same way because I'm terrified of hurting people's feelings. Usually I'll say yes in the moment but not commit to anything specific, and a few days later I'll text and say that my life is really busy right now or something and that I don't have time at the moment. 

 

I know, not the best or most honest strategy...but in the moment I usually panic and accept and then I have to backpedal later. 

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arekathevampyre

I would just politely refuse them and walk away . I may tell them that I am a romance repulse aromantic (asexual) if needed

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RandomPerson1996

My reaction was telling him that I am asexual and he thought I were kidding. Not recommended way of dealing with people asking you out.

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in.visible

It never happens. But ok, I'd get a panic attack I'd try to hide. And decline. And then feel sick the rest of the day because someone sees me like that.

 

Now, I'm in a shitty situation where someone I don't know very well joked about matchmaking me and I swore to myself I'll just laugh and say that just shows how little they know me and they're wasting their time. If they ask why I leave it open to their interpretation. 8)

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LettACE

i've really only been asked out once, and at the time i didnt know i was ace or aro. I asked him to give me some time to think it over, I went home and took a bunch of internet quizzes on how to know if you liked someone (i figured that the average score of the 10 or so quizzes would ive me insight), discovered that i really didnt, and the next day i told him that i just wanted to be friends, then i proceeded to avoid him as much as possible. I ended up switching departments at my university, mostly because i hated comp sci, and never really saw him again. 

 

That was the firs and last time i have ever been officially asked out, needless to say, i probably didnt handle it as well as i should have. 

 

I'd like to think that now that i know im aro ace i;d tell him, but im genuinely not sure. Im only out to literally like 5 people and they are not allowed to tell anybody else. I would love to be really open about it, but im working on building up my own confidence first so that i can react better to negative reactions (thus far they've all been either positive or neutral, thank goodness)

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Purge

 I've been asked out by several lovely ladies over the years, but have had to tell them that I'm asexual and childfree and therefore have no need for LTR. Of course, several of them have had to Google "asexual" to see what it means. :lol:

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Kersenne

When that happens to me, I usually feel very awkward and politely decline. Unless I'm interested in the person, I will always refuse to go out with someone, because I don't feel comfortable about it. Me being ace has nothing to do with it though, it's just that I need to know the person and be comfortable with that person before I accept to go out with them. If the person insists, I will say (truthfully) that I'm not interested and that I'm not looking for anything right now. 

 

If someone asks me out just for a cup of chocolate milk, and as friends, then it's no problem for me though^^ I think it's the "dating" concept that makes me uncomfortable.

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Deus Ex Infinity

I would politedly reject the offer since I'm already taken so there's definitedly no need for raising false hopes. However, I'd never agree to an invitation or offer without knowing the person for quite a long time anyway and it must also be clear that it won't lead to any sexual interactions at all.

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plasticapollos

In middle school, I totally obliterated them saying things like. You don't even know what my favorite color is, I'm not going to fit into your fantasial cookie-cuter life you've fit out for me."

 

It didn't occur to me that their feelings were every legit. Fancy that. LOL

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Nowhere Girl

What does "ask out" mean? "Invite on a date"? Or something more?

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nothinbuttrouble

I'd say, "I have herpes."

 

no, really. then I'd laugh- hopefully they'd laugh and accept it when I give them multiple graceful outs to spare their feelings.

 

(yes, I've actually done this, though I think I might have said, "I have AIDS," in real life.)

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Crazy Cat Lady
On 12/3/2017 at 3:09 PM, Grinchmer said:

Does "Would you like to grab a hot beverage of your choice at some point" qualify as "asking someone out"? Follow-up questions: Is "asking someone out" inherently romantic? If yes, how would one ask someone if they'd like to grab a hot beverage of their choice and just that?

That's a good question. I've always taken that as being asked out.

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Crazy Cat Lady
11 hours ago, LettACE said:

I'd like to think that now that i know im aro ace i;d tell him, but im genuinely not sure. Im only out to literally like 5 people and they are not allowed to tell anybody else. I would love to be really open about it, but im working on building up my own confidence first so that i can react better to negative reactions (thus far they've all been either positive or neutral, thank goodness)

Yes, this is me, too. I'd like to be honest, but I've not "come out" to anyone at this point, and it would make me very very nervous/scared. Which is why I have to "fight" with myself to try not to make it obvious if I have a crush on someone. I would be flattered if someone asked me out, but if it was someone I had a crush on, I'd also ant to say yes, which quite terrifies me!

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Space-Ace-Android

Somehow manage to turn the topic of conversation around and be reminded of it at random points in the future, (It is flattering, but I would not want to do what a normal relationship entails and for most, requires. So I try to say maybe whilst meaning no, and hope that they are not crushed or offended. Being asked out has happened a lot to me :huh: I do not know why as I do not understand normal social interactions, let alone flirting!)

 

Have some cake! :3

 

Image result for  Cake star trek

 

 

 

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Lanti SF

I *was* asked out 3 years ago, 2 days after coming out to my now-SO.

I was a bit shocked at the situation thinking that someone *actually* wanted to ask me out.

Given that I'd tried asking someone way back in high school and they never responded (and completely ignored me for a year before indirectly saying no by asking someone out), that wasn't something to repeat.

 

So I told him 24 hours and eventually said yes over text. If it was a no, it probs would have been over text as well.

 

 

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Nowhere Girl

Hey, you native English speakers, what is "ask out"? "Invite on a date" or something worse?

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GryphonLover
33 minutes ago, Nowhere Girl said:

Hey, you native English speakers, what is "ask out"? "Invite on a date" or something worse?

To ask to begin a relationship, as I've always heard it used.  Someone else may be more up on current nuance.

On second thought, I've heard it used for both a single date and a longer-term relationship.

 

And I would react very awkwardly, being so far and so long out of the social scene.  I would want to express NO while being afraid to be too direct about it, or afraid of hurting their feelings, and probably fail at both aims.

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Nowhere Girl

Now I understand. So for me it definitely depends: on the right gender, on whether I'd find her interesting, on her general expectations, on her willingness to accept a relationship without sex...

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Crazy Cat Lady
11 hours ago, Nowhere Girl said:

Hey, you native English speakers, what is "ask out"? "Invite on a date" or something worse?

I take the phrase as meaning "invite on a date".

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Member7783

I'd be confused, then say something that would be mis-interpreted.  Feelings would be hurt.

Edited by Jonitus
spelling

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Fantastic Name

First, I'd probably freak out and wonder if this is some kind of joke or something, since I almost never get asked out. I'd probably grow very red in the face because of just how awkward it would be for me.

 

Whether or not I accept their offer really depends on the person. Most of the time, the answer would be a no because I have other priorities in my life that matter more to me than relationships. However, I might say yes -- not because I actually want a relationship, but more out of curiosity and maybe wanting to get to know them a bit.

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Warsaw

If we were of corresponding age (18 to 30 for her) and she was interesting, and attractive, and thought there was even a slight chance no matter how remote that she could be the mythical "one for me," I would accept as graciously as I could manage.  Extra points would be given if she had matching recessive genes (blue eyes, pale skin.)  At worse I get an awkward social senario.

 

If they didn't meet my criteria, had children, were promiscuous, had radically opposing tastes or beliefs, etc, I would tell them that I am truly honored and flattered, but that I am not interested.

 

I would remember everything that I said or wore.  If a pretty woman were to say my shirt is nice, it would become my lucky shirt, and I would remember her words whenever I wore it.

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Philip027

 By "someone you don't know very well or for a very short time"?

 

Thanks, but no thanks.

 

This has never happened to me though, and I'm kinda suspecting by now that it never will.  Plus, I'm engaged now, so they missed their chance anyway >_>

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oldgeeza

Although it's never happened to me and never likely to, I'd be honest with them, tell them I'm asexual, even if I were attracted to them because I wouldn't want to spoil any form of relationship we may or may not have

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Shadowstepper

I would 100% not believe they were actually asking me out. I would think it more likely that this was a dare or a joke.

 

Admittedly, last time someone asked me out and I thought it was a joke, I ended up married for 14 years. 

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Warsaw

I also got asked out a LOT in my High School days.  Mostly on dares.  I was a rather fit and attractive teenager, and girls seemed to have a habit of daring eachother to ask me out, which I always turned down on the basis that they were dared to ask me, rather than having real interest, and all of the girls in my group weren't interested.  I was heartbroken every time this happened.  If they had showed genuine interest, I would have planned a romantic outting with any one of them.

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Kururin

Now, i'm a really peculiar person, so when someone (if it does happen) asks me out it would be a load of "WHAT?!" and 'What if..?" and listing all the reasons why you shouldn't and then look really awkward because I'm internally having a bluescreen error and then going "But I'm a stupid idiot' 

 

And then asking for 24 hours to think because I couldn't give the answer during my anxiety error.

 

However, I mostly would react like that if it were from a close or best friend because I will need to reflect on the relationship/bond and see if I really do love them romantically or I just wanna stay friends with them. If it's a person I don't know well, I would politely decline. 

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