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aballofthoughts

How would you react to being asked out

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aballofthoughts

How would you react if someone asked you out? Someone you don't know very well or for a very short time. What would you say when you don't feel anything special towards that person? What about you being on a asexual spectrum? (Because it's kind of invisible, not like when expressing you're homo/hetero/etc./romantic or like that). 

Thank you for your thoughts and input! :cake:

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Rhyme

Honestly, I'd probably just stammer for a full minute and end up saying something stupid, like "you're barking up the wrong tree."

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Forgotten Fox

I would be quite flattered first off :lol: , I always admire people who are first to initiate conversations that can be out of their comfort zone. However if I don't know them for too long there's a good chance I'll say no thanks because I wouldn't be really into them. If I did feel close to them I would give it a chance just to see where it goes. I'd also bring up the fact I'm asexual after a little more time into the relationship if it last that long, as if it wasn't obvious already. 

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Crazy Cat Lady

I haven't been asked out in years, but (before I knew there was such a thing as asexuality) I had a couple of people ask. People I met at the bus stop. The first case, I really wasn't interested, so that was easy. Just said I wasn't interested in dating anyone. The second case, I was interested (wish I wasn't, but I am romantic), but I still said pretty much the same. It was within a week or so after that, I went looking around online to find out what was "wrong" with me and I found this site.

 

Because I am romantic, I get crushes. I don't know what I would say if any of my crushes ever asked me out. I know I'd want to, but at the same time I don't want to. Sigh...

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Rhaenys

Laugh and feel weirded out. For me I have a timeline of when I feel comfortable with someone. And if they ask me out when I'm in a grey area of that timeline my instinct is to recoil.

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Neapolitan_Cat

The guy I'm dating now, he first asked me out a few days after meeting in person (we met a few weeks prior online). I didn't see him in that way so I kinda freaked and felt weird that he saw me that way. But since he was nice and respectful I'd consider it for the future and we ended up dating a couple weeks later

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Ace_Of_Clubs

This happened to me in sixth grade.

 

I had just moved to Florida and I had recently become friends with this boy and to his knowledge I was a straight girl about a year younger than him. To me I was a boy who wasn't interested in pursuing romance at all. He liked me because I was nice to him and he decided to ask me out one day during break. I didn't really have any feeling toward him like that or towards anyone else for that matter so I told him the first thing that came to mind, "I'm not really into anyone". He accepted this and responded with something along the lines of "I guess you're just not into boys yet".

 

At the time I didn't know I was asexual but I knew that I hadn't really experienced attraction to anyone. To me he was just a really good friend who decided to be nice to the awkward new kid at the school. 

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giorno

gotta say i do have an interest in the concept/idea of romance. it sounds nice in theory. so who knows if i liked the person i might say yes. but it always goes the same where about a week or two into it i realise im an idiot and am not at all into romance. just the thought of anything more than hugs makes me shudder. so i need to learn from my past and get along with the idea it's alright to say no to people and not want a romantic relationship i know i'll be uncomfortable with while also having romantic thoughts every so often. 

truth be told i'm a very independent person i don't talk with many people or seek out relationships. the only reason the romantic stuff crops up is when someone actively says they like me and want to ask me out. then i suddenly get thoughts of romance and how it could be, maybe i might get over my ace/aroness and it was all just a big ol blip and i needed just the right person. never turns out that way since i'm not romantic or sexual at all. i gotta learn to start letting people down and start saying i'm not interested but accepting myself is goddamn hard

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Amandawastaken

It depends. If they seem like a cool person, I might say yes, and make it clear somewhere during the date that I'm not interested in starting anything with them--I just wanted to get to know them and possibly start some kind of friendship rather than anything romantic. If they seem creepy or are just someone I'm not interested in in any regard, I would just thank them, and say outright that I'm not interested. 

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Yatagarasu

I'd simply ask why and subtly suggest that I'm taken. But people rarely approach me to begin with.

And I still wonder how I got into a relationship. 

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GreatAmadeus19

I would think it was a prank or joke because I've never gotten asked out before. But if I like the person and they are respectable, loyal, etc then I would totally go out with them. I would definitely have to mention that I'm ace if they didn't know already. But I usually get crushes on friends so they would most likely know. I'm ultra romantic lol

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Grinchmer

Ok I guess I need help with words.

 

Does "Would you like to grab a hot beverage of your choice at some point" qualify as "asking someone out"? Follow-up questions: Is "asking someone out" inherently romantic? If yes, how would one ask someone if they'd like to grab a hot beverage of their choice and just that?

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lilgroundhog

Either freak out and react poorly (I.e. tell them to get lost), or if I thought they were a potential friend tell them that's all I saw them as.

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[noize:injekktion]

depends on who asks.

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Stray

With absolute confusion

 

Not even joking XD

 

Edit: On second thought. One person asked to date years ago online after playing an MMO together a few times and that was great. There was no affection of any kind, which now seems extremely appealing. :D Sadly, it just died out due to scheduling conflicts X3

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flagsforhippos

My reaction? Something like this probably....

 

Spoiler

 

 

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Galactic Turtle

Historically speaking:

 

*gears turn in head to process reality*

*gets warm and cold at the same time*

"Uh.... thank you! But no."

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Syrthia

I might be stunned into silence for a bit cause I’ve tried to make it so people don’t like me and ask me out. After I would reply no thank you.

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The Unknown Warrior

A woman ask me out?! 🙈🙉🙊

 

I'd react in shock because it's never going to happen.

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Scottmas1989

I don't know the exact words but I hope I would say I'm flattered but not interested due to me.

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Wish Bear 🌠

I'd take Maxwell's silver hammer to them.

 

Jk.

 

I usually get really nervous when someone shows interest in me and I've even laughed nervously before. I've tended to try to redirect the conversation elsewhere in the past because I haven't known what else to do.

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blayzze

I usually pretends to be busy with something else if somebody is asks me on a date, lucky for me i work a lot and have a lot of time consuming hobbies i can blame :P

 

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Jade Cross

Possible reactions:

1) Raise my eyebrow in disbelief and give them a quizical look

2) Treat it as some sort of joke and tell them to quit pulling my leg

3) Pretend to not hear them

4) Freak out

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Kazka

I find that the best way for me is to just be honest with randoms, I made a friend at my last job after she hit on me, she kept trying, but I just stayed honest with her.

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Planet Ace

Well, historically, I've not reacted well the very few times it's happened. It always seems to come out the blue and catch me off guard. I get really embarrassed, awkward, and apologetic. "Oh! Gosh. Um, no. No thanks. I don't know you that well. I'm sooo sorry." *blushes furiously* Like that. I hate having to turn people down, makes me feel like a heel. 

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Zenzencat104

I would say no thank you, directly and as soon as possible.

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OakTree

I've only ever been asked out once, but it done every subtly - so I missed all the "cues".

 

He asked if I wanted to go to the cinema, and I obviously said yes, as the cinema is super expensive around where I used to live.  I totally misread the situation, as I thought it was a platonic "get to know each other", however he thought it was a romantic data-thing. After the film we went to get something to eat, and he paid, which I thought was a bit strange, as I was more than happy to pay my share. We walked around after we ate and he tried to hold my hand/put his arm around my shoulder, so I was a bit like "oh, this is a bit odd..." (I still didn't realise it was a date). Later on my friend asked how my date was, and I was like "what date?", then it all clicked and I felt really awkward as it was so damn obvious that he liked me, and it totally went over my head. 

When he messaged me later on that day, I had to explain how we should just be friends as at the time I was aro-ace. To be fair, he did take it really well, he was a bit upset that we couldn't be more than friends. He's now one of my closest male friends, and we have very similar sense of humour and whatnot, however I could never date him, he's more like a brother to me now, a romantic relationship would just seem strange.

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Laplace

I probably wouldn’t react at all cause I’d fail on a catastrophic level to understand their intentions 😅. If it was someone that I sort of knew, I’d imagine I’d just naively accept an invitation cause I’d just be thinking that they wanted to be better friends. I’d probably reject a stranger cause I’m wary of unfamiliar people unless they were inviting me to a place I liked to go (again, naively thinking that it was a good way to make a new friend).

 

If someone explicitly confessed and asked me out, it’d probably devolve into a complete disaster cause I’d have no idea how to react. I’d only really consider accepting if they were already a friend and after a lengthy disclaimer about how the outing may not go as they hope it will. I’d probably give it a shot, largely to see if my feelings changed, as selfish as that sounds. I don’t think I’d have the heart to crush their chances immediately either, even though it’s way worse to get their hopes up. Still, I have no experience with the matter so I have no idea how I’d actually feel TBH.

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artzcat

If this is someone I barely know and I feel like we never established a connection, I would just ask "why?" because we don't even know each other. 

 

But if it's someone who I've only spoken to a few times but maybe we had a deep conversation or they said something that I really connected with then the answer would still be "but why?" and also include lots of nervous laughter. I would probably just suggest that we get to know each other as close friends. 

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Hermit Advocate

Probably something along the lines of "no, I'm not interested." And if they pushed the issue and asked me why I wouldn't give it a chance my response would be something like "I'm not interested in dating. I tried it and it holds no appeal to me." If they got pushy I might tell them I was asexual. Then again, if they got pushy I could also turn that around as an excuse not to go out with them. 

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