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:)(:

Children And Asexual People

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:)(:

So to sum this up. Hi I’m :)(:  (not real name) and I’m 90ish percent sure I’m asexual.

 

Anyway something I’m curious about is kids. Because right now I never want to have kids even if sex was not involved and I just am curious to see how many people think about kids a bit?

 

Also why wouldn’t you want kids?

 

Just curious...

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SecretCows

I personally have never wanted my own children. I'm open to adopting a child one day, but I'd much prefer to adopt an older child and not a baby. I don't like babies and young children all that much. Right now, I'm fine with not having any children at all besides furry four-legged ones.

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fuzzipueo

There are aces who do want kids, others who don't. I'm in the never wanted any crowd, personally.

 

For the most part, my reasons would be considered to be very selfish by some, I suppose: I really never wanted to spend 18 years + raising another person, I don't have the patience for it, nor really saw any reason to have kids ... Ironically, I have helped raised my niece for the past 15 years or so. LOL. As a result, I have learned a lot of tolerance for little kids and kids in general. Go figure.

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To Each Their Own

Nope. I’ve known since I was a kid that I never wanted any kids of my own. I’ve been accused of being selfish for never wanting kids (which I find confusing), because I’ve personally never heard of an altruistic reason for having a child (adopting one, maybe. But never spawning one of your own DNA).

 

Why don’t I want one.  Probably for the same reason I don’t want a relationship: I find them repulsive. People have told me, “Oh, but it’s so different when it’s your own child.” And im just thinking, yeah, that’s probably why there are so many unwanted children in foster care that you could have adopted instead of adding to the overwhelming population problem on earth. Good for you and your disposable diapers and gas guzzling SUVs!  And I’m the selfish one? 

 

Yeah, I really hate it when people with children try to talk to me like they are better than me because I never had any children. I just don’t understand why they feel the need to judge my life choices unless they are doing it to justify their own choices. Because personally, I don’t want anything to do with a heteronormative lifestyle. I actually find it quite repulsive. 

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Wish Bear 🌠

I'm too much of a kid to have a kid.

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patronusmagic

I very much want children.

I am planing and hoping to do IVF in about 5 or 6 years when, hopefully, I will have my life sorted enough to introduce kids to the mix.

I still have a long way to go before Im ready but it´s there in the back of my mind, always is, always has been. :) 

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Lemonsky

I don't think I want kids since that kind of responsibility would be overwhelming. I never want to give birth either - I'm absolutely not going to go through that horribly painful process just to have some extra responsibilities. If my mind changes about wanting kids though, I'd very likely adopt instead.

 

2 hours ago, To Each Their Own said:

I’ve been accused of being selfish for never wanting kids (which I find confusing)

It has always confused me too when people think not wanting kids is selfish. :blink: It's strange.

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Kazka

up until fairly recently I never wanted kids, for every reason; but now I just want to prove I can be WAY better than my own parents, and I would love to see how well I can sculpt a child's personality. Definitely not until I am financially capable to do so though, and I guess finding someone compatible to have a kid is gonna be difficult.

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Lucas Monteiro
7 hours ago, Lemonsky said:

It has always confused me too when people think not wanting kids is selfish. :blink: It's strange.

I will never understand that too. Besides that, there is 7 billions of humans in this planet, and this number just keeps growing up. Do we really need more humans ? I don't think so. If the question is the survive of the species, I am sorry, but today with those statistics this is just pure bullshit. 

 

Anyway, maybe someday I will want children, but I will want to adopt because like I said above, we don't need more humans at all. And there is so much children who are wanting to be adopted and have an house and people who can love them.

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Aromanatee

I don't really want children. But, I guess my reasoning as to why is due to my personality. I'm kind of a mess; I get frustrated easily, have little patience, and can barely take care of myself. Also, autoimmune disease and mental illness runs in my family and I'd rather not pass it down. But, I still find children cute (but only 5+, I don't like toddlers or babies), I would just rather be the cool cousin or aunt rather than a mother.  

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Toothpaste Fairy

I know when I was a child I wanted children. It still appeals to me, but now I’m not as sure though because children typically come as a result of having a partner and stuff, and I don’t know if I want all those strings attached. Plus I’m not sure how good I'd be at actually raising a child, so there’s that. 

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Rhaenys

- Why birth a child into this economy where a degree doesn't guarantee a job, an overpopulated planet, pollution destroying the planet and those in authority not believing in climate change? Why bring a kid into the world where the people around them are mistrustful and don't have their best interests at heart?

 

- I am selfish and I do not want to be responsible for raising a kid.

 

- My country's society celebrates beating children, if you don't do it you're looked at as soft and your kids spoiled. So many people who have gotten lix (as we call it) actually come out and defend parents' right to do so. It's rooted in my brain to a point when I think about discliplining a child the mental image is a very hard slap to my son. That is not the mentality to have a kid in.

 

 

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Denna
20 hours ago, To Each Their Own said:

Nope. I’ve known since I was a kid that I never wanted any kids of my own. I’ve been accused of being selfish for never wanting kids (which I find confusing), because I’ve personally never heard of an altruistic reason for having a child (adopting one, maybe. But never spawning one of your own DNA).

 

Why don’t I want one.  Probably for the same reason I don’t want a relationship: I find them repulsive. People have told me, “Oh, but it’s so different when it’s your own child.” And im just thinking, yeah, that’s probably why there are so many unwanted children in foster care that you could have adopted instead of adding to the overwhelming population problem on earth. Good for you and your disposable diapers and gas guzzling SUVs!  And I’m the selfish one? 

 

Yeah, I really hate it when people with children try to talk to me like they are better than me because I never had any children. I just don’t understand why they feel the need to judge my life choices unless they are doing it to justify their own choices. Because personally, I don’t want anything to do with a heteronormative lifestyle. I actually find it quite repulsive. 

I can totally relate to that. I didn't even like other kids when I was a kid. I remember being like four and saying that I didn't want to have kids, and people found it cute and funny, same when I was a teenager, 'you'll change your mind when you're older'. I'm 24 now, so it's been like 20 years since the first time a said that and I haven't changed my mind and I still get the exact same comment. So, how much older I'm supposed to be? Maybe after menopause I'll be taken seriously, lol.

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SilentRose

I do think about kids sometimes, but I also know there is a 90% chance I will never have them. 

 

Why? Because children make me uncomfortable. I don't know how to talk to them or relate to them, and I generally prefer the company of adults. I really have no experience being around kids and I have no desire to get it. Kids can be loud and impulsive and honestly they intimidate me. 

 

Also, just the fact that it takes so much just to keep me mentally healthy, I need to devote all of my time and energy to keeping myself healthy, not a child. I'm an extreme introvert with anxiety, it's hard enough for me to manage a full time job surrounded by people, so at the end of the day I really need several hours alone to decompress. 

 

I'm just now starting to open up to the idea of having a live-in boyfriend or getting married someday, and even that would be a challenge. 

 

So when I think of having children, I just think...what's the point? It wouldn't be fair to them, or to me. 

 

 

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To Each Their Own
45 minutes ago, Denna said:

I can totally relate to that. I didn't even like other kids when I was a kid. I remember being like four and saying that I didn't want to have kids, and people found it cute and funny, same when I was a teenager, 'you'll change your mind when you're older'. I'm 24 now, so it's been like 20 years since the first time a said that and I haven't changed my mind and I still get the exact same comment. So, how much older I'm supposed to be? Maybe after menopause I'll be taken seriously, lol.

Maybe after menopause. I went into menopause five years ago. Now people with children just like to think they are somehow better than me. 

 

Its silly really, but this belief is mirrored in society. Every time I see a tv show where someone is being held at gun point the victim inevitably says, “Please don’t kill me. I have a family.”  Or “I have a child.” Yeah, ok. Let’s bring bring out the aro/ace. Let’s kill them! Nobody’s going to miss them! Society’s cannon fodder. 

 

Anyway, people are going to talk about you no matter how old you are because you’re not doing what everyone else is doing. Just be who you are and know that what you are is exactly good enough. Not better than and certainly not less than anyone else. 

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Taya!

I love kids and i know i want them someday. I think ill try to adopt or sperm bank or something. Its kinda saddening that my family thinks ill never have kids if i dont marry.

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praetorius

I'm of the gender that does more of the supposedly "fun" part than the "horrible screaming pain" (and accompanying joy and satisfaction) in bringing babies into the world. I'm personally pretty ambivalent about the fun involved in my role in  the process. In my current situation, I also feel like the world is a pretty horrible place, that I wouldn't want to subject some new life to if I can't want to live here myself. I have thought that adopting children --- something I've seen relatives do with great joy --- might be a far distant future possibility, if I ever reach a sufficiently decent work/home situation to support a cat and much more; even in a shitty world, I could provide a better future for kids than they'd get in an orphanage, and thus feel some obligation should I have the means to do so. Even that is far from a certainty, since I also doubt my abilities to interact well with people, and provide children the support they deserve.

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:)(:

Heh answering my own post.

I was just possibly thinking about fostering kids. I mean I’m not crazy about them but... I guess I’m kinda weak for people that have to look up to you.

 

i honestly would like to just like to foster a kid for a week and do that ever so often .But it seems unfair 

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praetorius
13 minutes ago, :)(: said:

i honestly would like to just like to foster a kid for a week and do that ever so often .But it seems unfair 

I've seen things like "Big Brother / Big Sister" programs, that seem to be a middle-ground for providing supportive mentorship to disadvantaged children without the the full commitment of raising them in your house. Perhaps something along these lines (e.g., even volunteering with youth-oriented groups such as Girl Scouts) could provide outlets for quasi-parenting desires without imposing a long-term obligation.

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Nowhere Girl

I don't want to have children, I've known it since I was five years old (now I'm 36 and I don't recall having changed my mind even for a minute). I was shocked by a book for children about "where do babies come from". I immediately thought: NO WAY I'd ever go through this. Now I can say even more strongly: I'd rather die than give birth.

Apart from that, I don't think that I could be a good parent.

I just don't want it and I think that exclusively people who are sure that they want children should have them. It's not just about what you prefer in your own life, it's a decision over someone else's life as well.

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LoopingBear

I always wanted kids - which surprised many as I’m not exactly maternal! So I went through the motions and now I have two. I love them dearly but I’m still not very maternal. I do my best. They remind me to be a better person. They also remind me that the world really sucks and so I try to educate them so maybe things can be better in future.

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Hermit Advocate

Absolutely do not want to have kids. The idea of being pregnant makes me feel physically ill. Even adopting kids has no appeal to me. The fact is I do not want to raise children. Being childfree has always been the plan. My goal is to become the crazy old cat lady someday. 

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mari

No kids for me!

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Lanti SF

I don't want to have kids; maybe adoption is an option.

But a better option would probably be to borrow someone else's and return them after a few hours. (Camp counselor/ middle school tutor)

 

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:)(:
2 minutes ago, Lanti SF said:

be to borrow someone else's and return them after a few hours

Kidnapping ?

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Lanti SF
1 minute ago, :)(: said:

Kidnapping ?

With permission/consent from all required parties 

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:)(:

Ok just making sure

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Hermit Advocate
2 hours ago, Lanti SF said:

With permission/consent from all required parties 

Whew. Had us worried for a minute there. :)

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MaxAmoeba

I simply dislike kids. They are energy sucking, high maintenance and can be done without.

I've no maternal instincts nor desires to bring up one. Pregnancy, spooks the hell out of me and it's a NEVER in my life.

 

I also see a lot of people juggling their personal and professional lives while bringing up kids and can't figure out how they manage do everything efficiently and stay happy. The entire scenario of taking care of oneself, one's partner, the household, profession and one's child is very vey exhausting and not worth the effort for me. And just because I've a reproductive organ doesn't mean I should procreate just to please my parents or the society. If one is not ready or willing to bring up a healthy, emotionally stable, intelligent kid into the world, I think no one should do it  just for the heck of it.

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Mezzo Forte

I think accepting my orientations/gender actually made me more receptive to the possibility of kids, even if the chances are astronomically low. I think I had a more visceral reaction to the process of getting pregnant and carrying a pregnancy than the actual practice of raising a child. Accepting my aromanticism actually made me place more value on the bond between parent and child, as that exemplifies one of the most acceptably powerful platonic bonds in most cultures. I kind of see why people would want biological kids in particular, even if that option's permanently off the table for me now. That said, I'm kind of clueless about how to interact with children, and I have no idea how to parent a child well. Plus, the exact circumstances necessary for me to be comfortable raising a child are unlikely to happen by accident, and I don't feel strongly enough about this to actively make it happen.

 

One thing I do really enjoy is taking on a sort of mentor role, so I tend to take people under my wing when I teach. I don't need to have children of my own to satisfy that part of me, and I suppose my career will be my legacy.

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