People flirting with you

[R3N]

Does anyone else feel uncomfortable when people flirt wth you? It usually takes me a while to figure out that someone is actively flirting with me, but when I do figure it out I kinda freak out because suddenly I have to figure out my plan of action. Do I try diffuse the situation, tell them straight out that I'm not interested, avoid at all costs or come out? Considering I'm also not completely sure how ace I am, there's also the added complication of figuring out whether there ever could be something happening there. I dunno, I mostly just came here to rant because I'm vending off someone who wants to 'hang out'. For me, flirting is like a strategy game where I am aiming for a different outcome than all the other players, and is more of a nuisance and hindrance than anything. 

[Lord Jade Cross]

yep. Mostly I disconnet from the situation (as I pretty much dont know how to react) and if they persist, ignore them.

[:)(:]

Hi I’m trying to figure myself out too. 

 

With the flirting question..

 

I think demeanor and body language helps. I tend to get a little bit upset (btw I don’t really get flirted with much ) but being indifferent or giveing a muted death stare could help? Then you don’t have to commit.

 

 

[:)(:]

Yeah mostly practice the death stare

[Lucas Monteiro]

Yes, I really feel umcomfortable. I even sometimes forget that people look to the others in an sexual way, but this is one of the situations that remind me that it's not the others, it's me who it's different from the normality. I think depending, it can be even funny, someone has to be really unlucky to want to flirt an person who is asexual. Because flirting is an "art" in using the body language and the body itself as attraction, they fail miserable when doing that to someone who not care for how they look.

[Fantastic Name]

To me, it's just weird. Either I am completely oblivious and get mislead into thinking that the other person wants a real, meaningful conversation, or they say something strange or creepy and I get really angry at them. Flirting is a game I can never, ever win -- and by "win", I mean getting them to shut up and go away.

[Stheg]

All. The. Time. My spouse tries to flirt with me sometimes and my thoughts go something like 'um okay, what am I supposed to do here'. Apparently I also look really awkward because my partner has commented on it several times. When other people try and flirt with me, I usually can't tell or lead them on unintentionally.

[Kazka]

It used to be super weird for me, I even was accused of flirting a few times unknowingly. At my last job, one of my female co-workers started hitting on me, and just straight up told me she wanted some, I just told her I was asexual. She was very cool about it, we were pretty good friends after that, she still tried a bit, but she knew what the answer would be. One of my co-workers there was actually an ace, we didn't talk much before she quit. I think for randoms I'm just gonna be out right with em, but for my friends, they'll have to ask.

[Aromanatee]

Yup. I get insanely uncomfortable. So much so that I end up freaking out about for the next few hours even if that's the exact opposite of what I want to do. Usually, when that happens I end up having to talk with someone till I calm down. There have even been a few times where I was so panicked I ended up giving the guy my actual phone number. And then he'll spam me creepy texts trying to speed date me to get me to go on a date with him. It sucks. But, I think the best way to get rid of them (if you don't panic like I do) is to tell them you're not interested and if they persist, ignore them. 

 

[Member7783]

I benefit by being ugly, so women don't flirt with me except in the rarest of occasions.  The couple of times it's happened, I was very, very, very uncomfortable.  I had to think on my feet and figure out a polite way to stop the conversation and make an exit from the situation without being rude or hurtful.

[Yatagarasu]

Whenever someone tries to flirt with me, I tend to show myself from the weirdest side possible or simply make fun of the flirter (I know it's rude and I probably shouldn't do that). Unless it's someone I'm friends with. Then things go awkward.

[Laplace]

My brain is adapted only for academic intelligence not social awareness 😅 so I’m an utter failure at recognizing when people are into me. I can guess later after thinking about it, but I’m usually so oblivious that I don’t even recognize it in the moment. I’ve been told a few times by friends that someone seemed like they were into me and that really confused me. I’m not ugly or extraordinarily unlikable, but it’s still shocking to think that people have apparently taken an interest in me before 😯. I don’t really know how I’d handle something very direct like a confession or something though 😖.

[Rhyme]

I'm clueless when it comes to figuring out if someone is flirting with me. I'm pretty sure it isn't a common occurence for it to happen, but I'm starting to think that one of my friends from secondary school was flirting with me. It was all kinda weird, just suggestive messages and him naming his motor cycle after me for some reason. I'm still unsure if he was actually into me or if he was just messing around.

[Rhaenys]

Not really uncomfortable but annoyed cause I know they're talking bs. I have a very little tolerance for people flirting because I feel like they're trying to get something instead of being genuine.

[margot-rain]

I hate it. As others have said, it doesn't happen very often and I'm pretty clueless about knowing if they are or aren't anyway. But I do have one story. At work, there was some incidents of someone stealing food. I would often leave chocolate in the work fridge and it kept going missing, so I started putting a post it note on it with my name and "don't touch" written on it. That stopped it from being stolen, but a few days later, someone had left an answering note on the chocolate. Over the next few days, more and more notes appeared around my office. They were funny, jokey but it weirded me out. My colleagues suspected it was the cleaner and that he was doing it because he fancied me. I didn't know whether they were being serious or just messing with me cause they know how I'd react, but it freaked me out and I felt really uncomfortable and whenever I saw him I would feel anxious and sick. Luckily he left soon after and I never had to confront him, but the whole thing was just very awkward, though my colleagues found it hilarious *rolls eyes* 

[Outrunner]

I generally don't notice. I have to have it pointed out that someone has been flirting with me as I just assume they're being friendly. I have picked up on it in the past with a couple of women who were super obvious. That didn't bother me, I was kind of flattered knowing they were interested. Also when I'm being friendly with women my friends say I was flirting. It doesn't feel like I am and its certainly not something I'm doing deliberately.  

[lilgroundhog]

Either I'm unresponsive because I don't recognize it or I freak or and shut the conversation down.

[Homer]

Doesn't happen.

 

If someone actually attempted to (haha!), I'd probably not recognize it anyway. If I somehow did realize, I'd think they lost a bet or something but then again, it doesn't happen.

[J. van Deijck]

it depends much on who is flirting. if this is someone I like, I take it as a playful joke. if someone else, then I feel uncomfortable and kind of harassed when I figure it out.

sadly, I'm not that ugly.

[Ficulnean]

2 hours ago, Rhaenys said:

Not really uncomfortable but annoyed cause I know they're talking bs. I have a very little tolerance for people flirting because I feel like they're trying to get something instead of being genuine.

I start of feeling this same way, plus a bit disappointed if I actually liked them as well. The thing is they're really not trying to get anything, just like we're really not trying to withhold anything. And that seems like a fundamental difference which upsets me even more. Over the top parodies of flirting though? I feel slightly included.

[Hermit Advocate]

I don't think a lot of people flirt with me. According to my friends some people are flirting with me, but I never really notice. Those few times I have noticed I feel awkward and just want to leave the situation. 

[nate-1234]

I usually assume that no one is flirting with me almost like a default because that's how I operate and act. However, most of the people that give me looks that indicate sexual interest are older men like in their 20's, 30's + which is kind of creepy unless I find them attractive. For girls it seems like girls my age and older (20's, 50's) give me sexual looks. It really makes me uncomfortable when I find a girl or guy (especially an older guy) staring at me like that.I feel like I am being stripped and I try my best to ignore those looks. However, I like friendly smiles and and more romantic softer looks if that makes sense.

[arekathevampyre]

never encountered flirting before . 

So I am pretty lucky because I will get grossed out and possibly lash out at whoever who is doing that . 

[Stray]

Well, there's different types of 'flirting.' There's the subtle friendly stuff that amounts to very little. There's the subtle stuff based on customs and code phrases that... can lead to misuderstandings (heh heh...). Then there's the totally gross "when are you gonna let me hit that?" 

 

None of which are welcomed by this fox, but it's part of life XD.  You just have to watch who you are around and watch out for those misunderstandings  X3

[R3N]

Original poster here - I finally told them that I wasn't interested in dating at the moment. They took it well and said they weren't looking to date either. Still it was so awkward and uncomfortable, but at least I've done it now. Hopefully things aren't tense next time I see them. :/  

[Kersenne]

It also takes me a while to realise that people are flirting with me, though I've gotten better at spotting flirters. I kind of like to flirt myself (I discovered I enjoyed flirting when I was pretending to be a sexual person, mostly because I like the joking and bantering sometimes involved in flirting. However, I flirt with absolutely no intentions of acting on it, which is not always the case of the person in front of me... But then, I'm super careful when I flirt now, because I know not everyone thinks like me that flirting can be super harmless and just for fun). 

 

When someone flirts with me and I realise it and don't like it, I usually just move somewhere else, or find a friend to untangle me from the situation or say I'm not interested, and if nothing works... I leave and tell the guy to get lost. Sometimes it's the only thing they understand... But my being ace doesn't really matter in how I handle the situation, and I don't see myself explaining to a guy what being ace is like, just so that he would stop bothering me. 

 

So if someone bothers you and you feel uncomfortable by thei behaviour, just say so, it should work pretty well  even if it's uncomfortable and awkward!!

[AussieIsAce]

not gonna lie people flirt with me alot....i have never like the flirting part, i enjoy the fact that people think im hot but i hate the idea of someone wanting to have sex with me or kiss me or touch me or ewwwwww. I dont like it at all. When someone flirts or hits on me it makes me very uncomfortable and i was to scream "get the fuck away perv" but i know in there world this kinda thing is normal and cause im ace its just strange. usually ill say something along the lines of "thank you sir, but im not available" he doesnt need to know that i never will be lol.

[Haze.]

I'm very romantic, but I hate flirting. Ugh.

[giorno]

it doesn't happen often but when it does it makes me want to shrivel up and die with uncomfortableness. i'm not romantic but even if i was i would hate it. just the thought that someone thinks of me that way in a sexual or at least in a desire way makes me feel disgusted. it's never happened face-to-face yet which i'm very grateful for since with online/texting type things you can reply however you want and avert the awkward conversation etc. however if it ever happens irl i'm either going to be ignoring it or just politely say thanks but i am not interested. and if worst comes to worst i'm a fast runner! i'll skedaddle outta there

[Guest Deus Ex Infinity]

I'm immune to 99.9% of the casual common flirting stuff out there but I do recognize the hits for most of the time if being attentive to my social surroundings. It can be fun but there's really no deeper meaning or point behind it and it also depends on the very moment and my daily mood. I'm mostly making fun of those super cool sexy macho guys while they don't even recognize my mocking shouts underneath or between the lines which is even more funny.  It's just a rather annoying, boring and ridiculous thing all along.