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Wondering what I am

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So yeah here I am. First of all, I feel as if I am on the asexual spectrum somewhere, but I'm not sure at all. I have had a "relationship" before, although I'm not sure if I can call it that. I feel as if I thought something was wrong with my feelings as soon as I realized that my reaction to him was the same as Fangirling. I think now that what I was feeling was infatuation, not love. I was caught up in his feelings. We hugged and all that, and it made me feel warm inside, but as soon as he kissed me on the head/hair for the first time, it was sooo uncomfortable. I was dreading the day if he ever actually kissed me for real. I felt boxed in by his expectations of me. I couldn't dress differently because I thought that he would dislike it. I couldn't handle it. I put the relationship on pause. He took it as me "breaking up" with him even though we weren't really dating in the first place.  I still wanted to be friends but he stopped talking to me. I tried to pass by the area he ate lunch often but he never said hi to me. I kept on 'discreetly' trying to get him to talk to me but he never did. He moved away. I feel as if I'm just telling the story of my life now. 


Anyways. I never saw anyone as 'hot' or 'sexy' its always either 'cute' or 'adorkable'. I had crushes but never thought about actually 'dating' them for real. It was more of 'I want to hug them' feeling I guess and having them play with my hair. 


I don't know if this is relevant but I ship characters together. Because I find them cute together. I read 'x readers' but instead of putting myself in the story, I just use yunin (y/n) instead. I enjoy fluff to the max and squeal if they kiss but I cant imagine it happening to me.


I have fantasies of crushes in storybook situations where they save me from a bad guy. But the thing is, its not really me. I make up my own character to put in these fantasies.


So what am I? Do some of the thing above matter? 


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If you have no desire to pursue a sexual or romantic relationship then you are most likely an aromantic asexual! :3 (Aromantic- One who does not desire romantic experiences, Asexual- One who has no desire to have sex.)


You most likely have squishes on others :3 (which is a desire to be close to someone and learn about them.) And for characters in books that is different :) You can imagine someone else being kissed and imagine that they enjoy the experience, but you have no desire to be kissed yourself.


I hope this helped and welcome!


Have some cake!  ^w^

Image result for  CAke




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Apathetic Echidna

love your name by the way!


Love is a bond, it takes nourishment to grow. People can be romantically attracted and enter a period of limerance or infatuation, but if nothing else develops then that is the lone string holding the couple together. Generally I see infatuation as being a part or result of romantic attraction, but obsession as being the non-romantic equivalent. Things can get a bit murky sorting out attractions, and ultimately you know yourself best so you are the best person for that job. Also attraction and the desire to act on that attraction are seen as two different things. Attraction is used to determine orientations, though desire to act on attractions that aren't happening has its own labels too. So with what you say, having crushes and being infatuated, I think you aren't aromantic but you might be somewhere towards that end of the spectrum. You have an aversion, or maybe a repulsion, to being kissed, which could be a romantic or a sexual aversion. So ask yourself: Do you experience those kisses as a romantic or a sexual thing? 


Many people find out the hard way, as you have, that people who want romantic relations don't hang around to be friends if romance is not in the offer. This sort of thing seems to affect pretty much everyone, no matter where they are on any of the spectrums. 


The shipping and fantasy is part of entertainment and just says more about your personal preferences rather than anything to do with your orientation(s). 

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