• Announcements

    • Kelly

      New Team members Needed--Moderator, Project Team, and Declass Team: Voting   12/10/13

      See:   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/164659-new-declass-team-member-needed-voting/   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/164657-new-moderator-member-needed-qa-co-mod-and-world-watch-mod-voting/   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/164656-new-project-team-member-needed-resources-and-education-director-voting/  
    • Kelly

      AVENues Holiday Special Edition is now live   08/17/17

      The new edition of AVENues is done!   See:        
    • Lady Girl

      Ace Community Census   11/06/17

      It’s time for the 2017 Ace Community Census!   see:   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/162675-announcing-the-2017-ace-community-census/  
    • Heart

      Help fund AVEN's servers!   11/06/17

      AVEN is doing its annual fundraiser to raise donations for server costs! See http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/163251-aven-server-fundraiser/ for more details.  

How do I come out?

Recommended Posts


I finally figured out, sort of, what gender I am. I'm somewhere between neutral and boy. Being called he feels right, I'm neutral to being called they. I have no preferred name, my name is girly but its mine. A boyish name would be awesome but I'd never be able to decide, none of them feel right.


Another problem is I'm in a "girl's" singing group. Taking testosterone would be awesome, but I feel like I can't because of singing. I know I could, but I'm using that as my excuse because I need to come out before starting T.


How do I ask people to call me he/him? Do I have to come up with my name before I request to be called different pronouns?

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

So do you want a different name? As a permanent new name, or to change it up (some people switch between two names for example)?


I think you can use he/him pronouns before picking another name. You can even ask people for name recommendations or ideas if you're up for that.


I started coming out online, it helped me feel normal and used to it, and it built up my confidence. And then maybe start with close friends. Maybe confide in somebody you're closest to in your singing group before coming out to the rest of them?


And it's also completely up to you in what words you explain it to them. If you think "somewhere between neutral and boy" would cause some controversy or misunderstanding, you can come out in different terms too.


Good luck!

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

I want a new name, but no name fits me other than my own. I've been looking online and I can't find any that feel like they could become mine. If I had a new name I'd want it to start as a nickname for convenience sake, but if I like it I would want it to be permanent.


I'm out to a small group of friends at college. I told one of them and the others caught on eventually. I am not friends with anyone in the singing group. It's all AFAB'S and it terrifies me.


My problem also is I can't even explain it to people in the LGBT+ resource center. One person introduced himself and said his pronouns, and I just said my name. I with I could tell people, but I'm scared. It's scarier telling people than it is seeing a bear while alone off path in the woods (know from experience). I need to learn not to be terrified of this. Why is this so scary? I can't pretend to be fearless when I'm in a ball crying, that's not how this is suppose to work.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now