guilt, and hope, and doubt, and other things

[Bookwyrm]

My sexuality, which I am still not sure what to call (gray or demisexual or I don't know--anyway), has caused problems in my last two relationships, which hurt me a lot. I loved, love, those two women very much, and I am racked with guilt because I feel like if I could change this part of me, if I could be more sexual, then I wouldn't be alone.

 

People seem to connect on this level of desire/attraction that I just don't understand and it frustrates me so much. I understand crushes. I love the animal comfort of touch. I am not sex-repulsed, I just generally don't care about it. And when people do a lot it confuses me. When they need it and have trouble connecting without it, it confuses me.

 

I despair of ever finding a relationship that lasts because that missing sexual urgency means the missing "chemistry" (pretty literally) that people seem to equate with love.

 

It makes me sad, and it makes me feel lonely.

 

I'm just wondering what other people's experiences with sex/relationship have been, whether with aces or sexual people.

 

I honestly just want to know there's hope.

[Lichley]

There's definitely hope! A lot of us feel the same way. Most people are just underinformed about the intricacies of relationships. Why not look for an asexual/ace ally partner to find someone more understanding?

[Amber79]

Don't give up, and try not to beat yourself up. Being ace is not a fault, though it can make some aspects of life in a sexual world harder. There will be someone who will make it work with you, the fact that you're ace won't bother them, because they'll love you enough for it not to matter. And you may even meet another ace.  

[reid113]

There is hope; there are plenty of people who are not ace and would be perfectly content with having a close intimate nonsexual relationship with you.  I think one of the main things is if the person truly loves and cares about you, where they would easily compromise with you just to always be with you.  Was gonna suggest that maybe your exes actually felt sex wasn't as important as you perceived it was to them, though it sounded like they found your sex neutrality incompatible with their interests.  That is sad that they could not handle that, but I really believe there are people out there who can love you for who you are given the opportunity after getting to know you, regardless of sexual orientation.

[Writer_182]

I know how you feel. It's basically the reason I lost my ex, and it's the reason a lot of women turn me down when I try to date now, but I believe there's hope. There's always other people out there looking for a genuine relationship that isn't based on sex.

[Guest Deus Ex Infinity]

18 hours ago, Writer_182 said:

I know how you feel. It's basically the reason I lost my ex, and it's the reason a lot of women turn me down when I try to date now, but I believe there's hope. There's always other people out there looking for a genuine relationship that isn't based on sex.

That's the spirit!  Keep it up guys! It's so nice to finally read some positive inspiring thoughts on this topic. There's always hope for everyone of us. You just gotta keep trying. Never look down on yourself for being true and honest on who you really are. 

 

Although, it's the same for me too. Being demi isn't easy 

[arekathevampyre]

22 hours ago, reid113 said:

one of the main things is if the person truly loves and cares about you, where they would easily compromise with you just to always be with you. 

Totally agree with this !!