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New kid on the block


BolderGreyer

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Hello, 

Finally, I arrive at this place, a 45 year old single man. I hope a little about me doesn't send you all to sleep, or perhaps that would be nice!

As a person I am unusually articulate, thoughtful and artistic; I'm also very sociable and I do like to flirt. I'm hetero and quite romantic deep down! In my teens and early 20s I suffered from social anxiety, despite that I enjoyed a brief and loving relationship with a lovely girl. 

Sadly that never repeated, I went through university and years of work without ever having a relationship again. 

Despite that life went fairly well, until in my early 30s many of my friends and my brother who I am close to began to get into long term relationships or get married.

By that time I had grown in confidence in my social interactions, so, feeling left out I began to use online dating. This eventually began to yield some dates as well as meeting ladies in RL. I enjoyed the company and even objectively saw that some of the ladies were 'sexy'; I do have preferences.

I even felt some romantic attachment to some of my dates but I never really felt 'desire'. 

I ought to mention here that I've always jerked off, maybe a couple of times a week. I never fantasise though, I just look at some porn, pin ups and underwear stuff, I've always been fairly vanilla. For me it was an itch to scratch, a pleasant enough experience in itself.

So, to continue; I got to 34 in good shape, apart from my lingering lack of a partner. It began to bother me and I began to feel lonely,  so I just tried harder; that's the kind of man I am!

Eventually I found a woman who objectively I thought sexy but the stress of a bad job, loneliness and a woman who sadly couldn't communicate with me caused me to be very depressed. I got very close to a breakdown in 2007.

Happily I recovered in about 18 months, due to a supportive family and all the interests I enjoy.

So, I went back to dating. If anything I was more confident than ever and more recently I've actually realised that many women are attracted to me. After all I'm young looking, articulate and a very warm, open hearted person. It was this that really lead me here. 

Why was such an attractive,  warm man with so much love to give single? 

I did realise that I had truthfully been getting involved with women who were wrong for me, that I am a cautious person despite my friendliness.

That just didn't fully answer my questions though. My lack of sexual response was more than just incompatibility. Date followed date, I met a beautiful woman on holiday, I felt the romance and friendship but there was no hot feeling of desire.

A joyous encounter with a very pretty and sublimely gentle woman produced no flood of warmth in my trousers! 

In my heart yes, that was all.

A month ago I charmed a very sexy older woman in a bar, she was overtly sexual from the start, there was a psychological tension, a knowingness...but no heat. 

So, here I am. Still a little confused and still wanting the thing I've not. It hurt a lot ten years ago, it still hurts but a lot less. Perhaps a patient, loving woman and time will get me what I desire? 

I have a good life full of riches, it's alright now.

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Welcome! Perhaps you could try some of the asexual dating sites? Or maybe find someone at a Meetup? :) 

wedding+cake1_1.jpg

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Ha! I think I'm greysexual, I do think that if I find the right woman, who will allow for an emotional bond to grow that I can get more of my mojo back. 

Thinking about my situation further I realise that some of my lack of libido is due to inner conflict and that comes from being with women who cannot communicate with me; because they are incapable of bonding properly.

I'd like to try an asexual dating site though; sadly I suspect there will be few ladies there and that it will be infiltrated by a lot of unscrupulous men...

Meetup is useful and I have had some good experiences with it. 

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I do have a lady in mind that I've spoken to at length at one of the meetups. Hopefully I'll see her again.

There's no sexual attraction; she is rather dowdy....Because of my objectivity about appearances that's a good thing. 

I think I alluded to the fact that more recently I've tended to pick women who dress provocatively and 'talk dirty' ; I have been mistaken in thinking those attributes are sexy, or that it will be more likely to stir my libido....I now realise that the ability to communicate and to be relaxed and calm and to bond with another is where it's at!

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Hello there, and welcome to AVEN! :cake:

As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here. :) The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message.  Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. 

The following are also nifty links to take a look at:  Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's

 Again, welcome to AVEN and I hope your stay is everything you hoped!

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