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PoisonPoppy

Is sex really that important for a relationship?

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PoisonPoppy

More so aimed at sexual/ asexual relationships but obviously open to all answers. Like, as an asexual I don't see what wrong with being loving, affectionate, cuddling, kissing and spending my life with someone without sex (other than to have kids).

 

1. Is sex really an important part of a relationship?

2. If it is, what would you compare its importance to? 

3. How would you compromise as an asexual? 

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miettaisace

i think the most important part of a relationship is that you both have the same values. once someone starts doing something you disagree with ethically then youre relationship is fucked as fuck. 

 

my father had no problem lying to people my mother couldnt do it to save herself. my father got mad that my mother couldnt lie to people. 

my father didnt mind to swear in front of my brother and i as kids but my mother did...

my mother is very trusting to everyone she meets im less trusting because people are fucked so our values clash when we meet new people.

my brother loves inviting people over to the house i bloody hate it..we value human interaction differently we clash over it

 

any relationship is based on values. 

 

your values are the only things keeping two people happy together because if you fight about closing cupboards and picking up a wet towel it all comes back to values. 

if person 1 values having dinner at the table together but person 2 doesnt and takes theres plate into the lounge room then there will be a clash in values. if person 1 values time alone and person 2 doesnt and starts to become clinging and annoying then there will be a clash.

 

so sex isnt important unless you value sex...if you do then its important just like how i value alone time and outdoor time. if im with someone who needs constant attention and hates camping then our values arent in order and we wouldnt get along..this goes for friends as well.

 

Sex is important to most sexual people because they enjoy it so thats a value they hold..its common to show love through sex even though you can show love though bringing someone a cup of tea when sick or massaging there head when they have a headache or even picking them up from work and bringing a coffee. there is ways to show love that doesnt involve body juices. 

 

Values baby values. 

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Polygon

It's an important part of some relationships. There are people who will tell you they'd never consider a relationship without it, and there are also people that will say they can do without. Different relationships will require different things/have different ranks of importance of things. There are so many combinations of pairs of people - they'll all have different things they require, or strongly desire, in a relationship. 

 

So it depends on the people. It certainly doesn't have to be important. 

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WhyCantIBeACat
49 minutes ago, PoisonPoppy said:

1. Is sex really an important part of a relationship?

For a sexual, yes it is usually very important.

 

For an asexual there is a separation between romantic desire and sexual desire. This separation isn't present for a sexual, romantic desire leads directly into sexual desire and the stronger the romantic attraction, the stronger the sexual desire. Further, most sexuals also need to feel desired in return and when that isn't there they question whether the romantic love is there, and this continual doubt undermines the relationship, especially if they don't know about or understand asexuality.

 

In addition, the mutal desire between two sexuals can form a positive feedback cycle leading to even greater desire (like an emotional nuclear bomb going off). In a mixed relationship this loop is broken and for the sexual this can make even compromise sex unsatisfying and lead to a very frustrating relationship.

 

Of course there are no absolutes and people's levels of sexuality and desire vary. Also, some sexuals can learn compromise or tolerate a non-sexual relationship. It's always there though, eating away at your feelings and strength of the relationship.

 

49 minutes ago, PoisonPoppy said:

2. If it is, what would you compare its importance to? 

I don't know how to answer this in a way that would make much sense. It's not life sustaining, like air, water or food, but it's not something that is easy to live a full life without.

 

53 minutes ago, PoisonPoppy said:

3. How would you compromise as an asexual? 

As a sexual I'll leave someone else to answer this, or you can look at the compromise thread:

 

 

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Woodworker1968

Yes, for people who can't decouple love from sex.

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Telecaster68

Sigh. 

 

Because obviously sexuals don't love their parents, siblings, children or friends as they don't have sex with them. 

 

Partners are a different kind of relationship, and for 99% of the population, that kind of relationship includes sex. 

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WhyCantIBeACat
28 minutes ago, Woodworker1968 said:

Yes, for people who can't decouple love from sex.

While perhaps factually correct the tone is somewhat elitist and condescending/insulting to the vast majority of the population of this planet.

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Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet
1 hour ago, PoisonPoppy said:

More so aimed at sexual/ asexual relationships but obviously open to all answers. Like, as an asexual I don't see what wrong with being loving, affectionate, cuddling, kissing and spending my life with someone without sex (other than to have kids).

 

1. Is sex really an important part of a relationship?

2. If it is, what would you compare its importance to? 

3. How would you compromise as an asexual? 

1.For many people,yes, for others,including me: NO.

2. Sex has no importance to me.

3. There won't be any comprises because sex won't happen. Period. That's why I probably will stick to dating another asexual. 

 

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WhyCantIBeACat
2 hours ago, PoisonPoppy said:

Like, as an asexual I don't see what wrong with being loving, affectionate, cuddling, kissing and spending my life with someone without sex (other than to have kids).

BTW, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this and I completely understand it from an asexual point of view. In fact, why bother having sex to procreate - there other ways.

 

However, in the context of:

2 hours ago, PoisonPoppy said:

More so aimed at sexual/ asexual relationships

my comments on the earlier post are very relevant. Very few sexuals (and I'm not talking hypersexuals here) will be genuinely happy long-term in a completely sexless relationship. They may act and behave like they are, but deep down they will probably be suffering to some degree or another.

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Telecaster68
54 minutes ago, WhyCantIBeACat said:

BTW, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this and I completely understand it from an asexual point of view. In fact, why bother having sex to procreate - there other ways.

 

However, in the context of:

my comments on the earlier post are very relevant. Very few sexuals (and I'm not talking hypersexuals here) will be genuinely happy long-term in a completely sexless relationship. They may act and behave like they are, but deep down they will probably be suffering to some degree or another.

It may well be be that they're *trying* to be okay with the situation because they don't want to lose the rest of the relationship, just as asexuals will try to to be okay with having sex. And similarly, this may be something that gets depleted over time. 

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jess21

As a sexual person - yes! For me personally, what makes sex so important isn't even /just/ the actual physical act of it - it's more the physical and emotional closeness that comes with it, the "being crazy about each other", to put it in simple terms. Showing your partner how into them you are and being shown they're into you is the sexiest thing in the world. And of course there's a million ways to show each other that, but sexual closeness does tend to be a really important part of it for sexual folks.

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MrDane
4 hours ago, PoisonPoppy said:

More so aimed at sexual/ asexual relationships but obviously open to all answers. Like, as an asexual I don't see what wrong with being loving, affectionate, cuddling, kissing and spending my life with someone without sex (other than to have kids).

 

1. Is sex really an important part of a relationship?

2. If it is, what would you compare its importance to? 

3. How would you compromise as an asexual? 

I am sexual with an asexual wife

 

1: to me, yes. Without,  a dark depression lurks up on me. True, all that other touching can be nice and loving and fulfill many/most of my desires. Unfortunately, my acer seems to interpret all sign of affection as a risk of being a foreplay for something  she is not that comfortable with. I need the sex and I am rigth now waddling between offering less sex in return of more affection. Could be a win-win?

 

2: i dont want sex anymore, could be as bugging as i dont want to talk to you or be seen with you or be near you, but somehow I still love you. This thing you value a lot is almost worthless and sometimes just irritating and boring to me.

 

3: never go for a compromise! Try to go for a mutual satisfying agreement. A good and solid deal. 

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Treesarepretty
5 hours ago, PoisonPoppy said:

1. Is sex really an important part of a relationship?

It depends on the relationship. I define a romantic relationship as the synthesis of a close friendship with mutual sexual desire. If my partner does not want to ever have sex with me, then we have a friendship as far as I am concerned. 

 

Quote

2. If it is, what would you compare its importance to? 

For a romance, it is like wheels on a car. Asking if it is the more important than mutual interests or similar values is just as silly as asking if the wheels are more important than the axel. Both are required. Why would someone ask such a thing? 

 

Of course, this is just me. I don't claim to speak for anyone else. 

 

Quote

3. How would you compromise as an asexual? 

If I was repulsed, then there could be no compromise with someone who thought as real life Trees thinks other than to just be good friends. If neutral, then I would look at it the same way that I do with planning dates where we do things my SO loves and I think are okay: this is something I do to make her happy because it makes me happy to see her happy. She would also have to agree not to ask for sex too often. 

 

Granted, this isn't true desire, and it will take a lot of communication and trial and error, but if I was already married and just found out I was asexual, then this is the way I would try to go. 

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FictoVore.
14 hours ago, PoisonPoppy said:

 

1. Is sex really an important part of a relationship?

For most sexual people, sexual intimacy is an integral aspect of a romantic relationship, even if they're only having it once a week or less. It's still very important to most sexual people because, even though other forms of intimacy are very important, sexual intimacy is something that can only be achieved through sex - it's a particular kind of intimacy that asexuals don't care for, but that sexual people find very bonding and enjoyable.

 

14 hours ago, PoisonPoppy said:

2. If it is, what would you compare its importance to? 

Talking. I think asexuals can understand this analogy the best. If your romantic partner suddenly stopped wanting to talk to you, you'd feel like a vital aspect of intimacy is missing from the relationship, even though you can still enjoy snuggles and kisses and hand holding etc. Without verbal communication though, something very important has been lost. However realistically, communication is obviously more important than sex because communication itself actually makes sex (and everything else in a relationship) better, I just use the communication example as an analogy to help asexuals understand what having a sexless relationship can be like for a sexual.

 

I'm not sure what I would compare the importance to in my own relationship, because so many different things have their own level of importance and I wouldn't want to lose any of them!!

 

14 hours ago, PoisonPoppy said:

3. How would you compromise as an asexual? 

When I was 'functionally asexual' (but didn't  know there was such a thing as asexuality) my 'compromise' was having sex I didn't want and didn't enjoy - My dream was to have a totally sexless relationship. Now that I don't ID as asexual anymore, I personally wouldn't have a sexless relationship and wouldn't really want to 'compromise'. I want the other person to desire sexual intimacy with me as much as I do with them (which my partner does) so neither of us are having to compromise on our sexuality - That's how I like it best and wouldn't have it any other way.

 

13 hours ago, Woodworker1968 said:

Yes, for people who can't decouple love from sex.

Well, literally everyone alive can decouple love from sex. Sexual people can love their parents, kids, and pets without wanting to have sex with them. And many (certainly not all, but many) will also have sex with random people that they're not in love with. I do agree though that plenty of sexual people think romantic love isn't possible without sex, but that's more because that's the general experience for (almost) all sexual people: For most of them, sexual intimacy really is a vital aspect of romantic love.

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-satellite-
2 hours ago, FictoVore. said:

For most sexual people, sexual intimacy is an integral aspect of a romantic relationship, even if they're only having it once a week or less.

.......sexual people expect to have sex more than once a week??? :o

 

I understand why taking away something so assumedly major and present in one's life can be traumatic. While I cannot understand that necessity for sex, I can empathize with this struggle sexuals with asexual partners seem to have. It's quite discouraging for all sides. Unless I luck out and find another <1% frequency heteromantic asexual or perhaps a sexual with low libido, my potential partner will most likely never be entirely satisfied in a relationship with me. I want to be happy by realizing my ideal romantic relationship, but I hate the thought of potentially letting a future partner down too. I guess that's why aro aces have it nice and romantic aces are fucked (pun not intended, heh).

 

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vega57
14 hours ago, PoisonPoppy said:

1. Is sex really an important part of a relationship?

2. If it is, what would you compare its importance to? 

3. How would you compromise as an asexual? 

1.  Define "important".  What's "important" to one person may mean once a month.  To their partner, it could mean once a day, and to others, it may mean having sex ONCE on the honeymoon, and then not again until it's time to become pregnant.   

 

What can also be "important" is the kind of sex they want.  For some, it may be important to have sex in a strictly "vanilla" fashion, while to others, they may want ALL kind of positions and places and even inviting another party into the relationship. 

 

I think part of the problem with the question is that we really have no way of gaging what's important TODAY, because it may not be important or as important in 3 years...or after having a few kids... or after getting a raise...or moving to the 'burbs, etc.  People change.  They grow.  Priorities shift. 

 

What I don't understand is why so many people believe that sex "should" be a "constant", especially since so many OTHER people don't believe it is...

 

But that's another post, I suppose.  :lol:

 

2.  I've heard that sex to some is as important as air.  I've heard it's not important at all.  And everywhere in between.  As for me...?  Not important.  Haven't had it in almost 3 years, and don't miss it.  Realized recently that I NEVER "missed" it while in a relationship. 

 

3.  Compromise?  Frankly, I'm DONE "compromising".  Didn't really want sex in the first place.  My partners would tell me that they were "compromising" because they wanted sex every day.  Turned out that if we had sex 3-4 times a week, that they really didn't care if they had sex every day.  If they got it 3-4 times a week, they were "happy".  So, how were THEY "compromising"? 

 

Will never do that again. 

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vega57
36 minutes ago, -satellite- said:

.......sexual people expect to have sex more than once a week??? :o

My late husband wasn't even satisfied with three times a day. 

 

And I think that's part of the problem.  Seems to be that for many sexuals, it's NEVER "enough".  Even if they're "satisfied", many of them can always do MORE. 

 

 

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duckyfeets1

1. For me, as a sexual, yes. Sex is very important. Sex is not simply physical release. It’s the act of vulnerable bonding that occurs in that very specific moment. It’s really difficult to explain, I think, if you’re not wired in that way. But, personally, as a hetero-female, sex is about connection. I can simulate a portion of that connection through cuddling or kissing, but the act of sex goes above and beyond. 

 

2. For me, it is as important as any conversation. Sex is a means of communication between two individuals. An expression of love. To take away that means of communication, for me, is to take away an ability to communicate on a different level with my partner. 

 

3. I cannot speak for an asexual. I can state that compromise seems like it can be possible. I know my partner and I are busy working that out now. What is appropriate for the two of us to decide upon? How much is too much? How much is too little? What constitutes as thatact of communication (ie, sex doesn’t have to be something heteronormative to be sex). Things like that. I know I love him and he loves me, and I’m willing to try whatever we can. And I suppose that’s what I expect from my partner as well. Do what you can before you compromise your own hard lines, and be open to communicate every aspect of that journey. 

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Telecaster68
1 hour ago, vega57 said:

Seems to be that for many sexuals, it's NEVER "enough".  Even if they're "satisfied", many of them can always do MORE. 

 

 

Citation needed. 

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Sally
6 minutes ago, duckyfeets1 said:

1. For me, as a sexual, yes. Sex is very important. Sex is not simply physical release. It’s the act of vulnerable bonding that occurs in that very specific moment. It’s really difficult to explain, I think, if you’re not wired in that way. But, personally, as a hetero-female, sex is about connection. I can simulate a portion of that connection through cuddling or kissing, but the act of sex goes above and beyond. 

 

I've heard this from so many sexuals in my many years on AVEN.  I wish it could be put onto the Front Page so more asexuals (I'm one) could understand that.   Although I don't feel that way about sex, what you say certainly makes sense to me.    

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FictoVore.
1 hour ago, Sally said:

I've heard this from so many sexuals in my many years on AVEN.  I wish it could be put onto the Front Page so more asexuals (I'm one) could understand that.   Although I don't feel that way about sex, what you say certainly makes sense to me.    

I agree but instead we get the opposite: a whole portion of the ace community being people who say they're asexual because what's most important about sex to them is the connection they feel through it. It's not about 'looking at hot people and getting horny' it's so much deeper than that, so they're 'asexual' and even encouraged to identify this way by many in this community. When actually that's a very common experience for many regular sexual people - the connection *is* what makes sex special for so many sexuals, nothing to do with just wanting to bang hot people (sure it's like that for some but certainly not all!)

 

It's antisexual, in a way, to claim that 'wanting sex because of the connection sexual intimacy brings' is so vastly different from how 'regular sexual people feel' that it's actually an asexual experience *sigh*. I also wish we could have something on the front page, or to be honest preferably at the top of the forums here in the banner (lol) explaining something along the lines of the comment you quoted. Like a link in the banner there saying 'if you want to hear explanations of how sexual people describe what it's like to be sexual, click here' ..that would help clear up soooo much confusion experienced in the ace community over what normal sexual behavior looks like, because so often here it's conflated to 'see hot person, want sex' which is so dumbed down and innacurate that it's offensive!!

 

4 hours ago, -satellite- said:

......sexual people expect to have sex more than once a week??? :o

Some want it once a week, some only a couple of times a month, some even less and some more than once a day!! Also it can change for every individual depending on what's going on in their life. For example a sexual couple might want sex multiple times a day to begin with but as they get used to each other and have kids etc, that could slow right down to a couple of times a month or less. And one may still want it all the time and another may want it much less.. totally just depends on the people involved. I used to desire a long term sexless relationship but now to be honest I desire types of sexual intimacy (only with my sexual partner, no one else) multiple day and that's regardless of whether or not I'm physically aroused :o So it totally depends on the person, what kind of a stage they're at in their life and what kind of relationship they have. 'sexual intimacy' could also mean all sorts of things, doesn't just mean penis-in-vagina sex or whatever other 'regular' sexual act you can think of.. people are into all sorts of strange and fascinating things in the privacy of their own home haha. :)

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Nidwin

Can we truly understand it Sally as we aren't wired for it?

 

I've no issues accepting this as evidence, to be how it's for sexual folks, and move on. But it's impossible for me to properly understand the "sex goes above and beyond for reason x,y,z" as I can't experience it the way sexuals do. When the sexual act is on the same level as doing the dishes or cleaning my place (my case) there's no way for me to understand what's actually happening for sexuals as it's not happening to me.

 

1. Nope, it's actually the oposite for me.

2. Doing the dishes, cleaning the house or putting out the garbage

3. It's 2017 and I'm not a hunter gatherer so the the amount of compromise to expect from my side is none and never.

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FictoVore.
6 minutes ago, Nidwin said:

Can we truly understand it Sally as we aren't wired for it?

 

I've no issues accepting this as evidence, to be how it's for sexual folks, and move on. But it's impossible for me to properly understand the "sex goes above and beyond for reason x,y,z" as I can't experience it the way sexuals do. When the sexual act is on the same level as doing the dishes or cleaning my place (my case) there's no way for me to understand what's actually happening for sexuals as it's not happening to me.

 

1. Nope, it's actually the oposite for me.

2. Doing the dishes, cleaning the house or putting out the garbage

3. It's 2017 and I'm not a hunter gatherer so the the amount of compromise to expect from my side is none and never.

 That's exactly how I used to feel as well,  word for word. For years I'd have much rather have done dishes or even taken the garbage out or whatever than have sex because I legitimately enjoyed those things more, sex was like on of those chores but much worse. When I finally left my sexual ex and became celibate (which I was for years) I swore I'd rather remain single than ever have to have a relationship where the other person needed sex to be happy again - and that's before I learned about asexuality. I still desired intimacy and love, but sex had no place in that as I just got nothing out of it. I'm an interesting position now, 6 years after leaving my sexual ex, where I know exactly how what you're describing feels, but also know what it feels like to be on 'the other side'. I wish that one day I could describe it clearly enough so an asexual could know how it feels, but I think desiring sexual intimacy in the way a sexual person does is one of those things you just have to experience to truly understand it!

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Jay.J
24 minutes ago, FictoVore. said:

I agree but instead we get the opposite: a whole portion of the ace community being people who say they're asexual because what's most important about sex to them is the connection they feel through it. It's not about 'looking at hot people and getting horny' it's so much deeper than that, so they're 'asexual' and even encouraged to identify this way by many in this community. When actually that's a very common experience for many regular sexual people - the connection *is* what makes sex special for so many sexuals, nothing to do with just wanting to bang hot people (sure it's like that for some but certainly not all!)

 

It's antisexual, in a way, to claim that 'wanting sex because of the connection sexual intimacy brings' is so vastly different from how 'regular sexual people feel' that it's actually an asexual experience *sigh*. I also wish we could have something on the front page, or to be honest preferably at the top of the forums here in the banner (lol) explaining something along the lines of the comment you quoted. Like a link in the banner there saying 'if you want to hear explanations of how sexual people describe what it's like to be sexual, click here' ..that would help clear up soooo much confusion experienced in the ace community over what normal sexual behavior looks like, because so often here it's conflated to 'see hot person, want sex' which is so dumbed down and innacurate that it's offensive!!

 

Some want it once a week, some only a couple of times a month, some even less and some more than once a day!! Also it can change for every individual depending on what's going on in their life. For example a sexual couple might want sex multiple times a day to begin with but as they get used to each other and have kids etc, that could slow right down to a couple of times a month or less. And one may still want it all the time and another may want it much less.. totally just depends on the people involved. I used to desire a long term sexless relationship but now to be honest I desire types of sexual intimacy (only with my sexual partner, no one else) multiple day and that's regardless of whether or not I'm physically aroused :o So it totally depends on the person, what kind of a stage they're at in their life and what kind of relationship they have. 'sexual intimacy' could also mean all sorts of things, doesn't just mean penis-in-vagina sex or whatever other 'regular' sexual act you can think of.. people are into all sorts of strange and fascinating things in the privacy of their own home haha. :)

Well said

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Hayden Dun
On 01/12/2017 at 12:40 AM, miettaisace said:

i think the most important part of a relationship is that you both have the same values. once someone starts doing something you disagree with ethically then youre relationship is fucked as fuck. 

 

my father had no problem lying to people my mother couldnt do it to save herself. my father got mad that my mother couldnt lie to people. 

my father didnt mind to swear in front of my brother and i as kids but my mother did...

my mother is very trusting to everyone she meets im less trusting because people are fucked so our values clash when we meet new people.

my brother loves inviting people over to the house i bloody hate it..we value human interaction differently we clash over it

 

any relationship is based on values. 

 

your values are the only things keeping two people happy together because if you fight about closing cupboards and picking up a wet towel it all comes back to values. 

if person 1 values having dinner at the table together but person 2 doesnt and takes theres plate into the lounge room then there will be a clash in values. if person 1 values time alone and person 2 doesnt and starts to become clinging and annoying then there will be a clash.

 

so sex isnt important unless you value sex...if you do then its important just like how i value alone time and outdoor time. if im with someone who needs constant attention and hates camping then our values arent in order and we wouldnt get along..this goes for friends as well.

 

Sex is important to most sexual people because they enjoy it so thats a value they hold..its common to show love through sex even though you can show love though bringing someone a cup of tea when sick or massaging there head when they have a headache or even picking them up from work and bringing a coffee. there is ways to show love that doesnt involve body juices. 

 

Values baby values. 

This is brilliant. Well said

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alibali

My significant relationships are with my daughter and some very good friends.  And that is enough for me. I don't feel the need to have a partner sexual or otherwise. However my good friends do because sex is the difference for them between friendship and a significant relationship. It's frustrating but nothing I can do about it.

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Always looking for answers

1. Is sex really an important part of a relationship?

2. If it is, what would you compare its importance to? 

3. How would you compromise as an asexual? 

 

I'm in the process of finding out whether or not I'm asexual, but I'm leaning towards a 'yes, I am'.

 

1. For sexuals obviously yes. For me no, but it becomes important in a negative way because I would rather be hungry for a few days than to gave sex. But in most relationships it's not much of choice, I've always felt pressured to do something I hated and that hurt me. I'm not saying the guys I've been with actually forced me to have sex with them (well, at least not all of them), but knowing there would be fights or a break up never made me feel I had much a choice either. I wish it wasn't important though, because I feel sex has caused a depression several times in my life, at some points up to suicidal thoughts. 

 

2. It's like this dark cloud that's always there. No matter where I go, I always feel broken, different and damaged because I'm disgusted by something so many people find so important. And I just don't get it. I don't understand what's so magical about something people are willing to hurt one another for. I wish I understood, that would make it a lot easier. 

 

3. I'm not sure if I'm able to compromise anymore. When I'd be having sex, I'd feel used, like an object. It doesn't make me feel connected or loved, it makes me feel like my body isn't mine anymore so I zone out, try to think of other things so I don't have to be there with my head. I don't even feel human anymore. What's even worse: Even though I know sex is important for sexuals and I really wish I could understand why that is, if my partner would be having sex with me I'd really hate him for making me do something I'm actually repulsed by and puts me in physical and emotional pain. For me sex and love don't go together. 

So my compromise (not sure if it actually is a compromise)  would be: 'find someone else to have sex with', even though I'm probably scared that he will find someone else not just for sex, but for the entire relationship. 

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Starlit Sky

I think the first thing to say is that I ultimately identify as allosexual, because there have been a couple times where I've really felt like I wanted sex, but I could probably say that I'm on the gray spectrum. I don't, but I am going to answer the third question to the best of my ability as an allo who just generally doesn't want to have sex, and therefore am usually involved in compromising, anyway.

 

On 11/30/2017 at 7:33 AM, PoisonPoppy said:

1. Is sex really an important part of a relationship?

 

For the large majority of people, yes, For some people, no. For me, it's much less important than other sexuals, but it's still important. Sexually, I'd probably be most compatible with either an asexual into kinky stuff, or a sexual more into kinky stuff than actual sex (that is to say, wouldn't want to have intercourse as frequently). It's important in that I want to share that experience with another person, that I want to be that close with another person, and that I really really want to want to have sex. It's not that there's anything wrong with just cuddling, because I hold a lot more weight to that than I do sex. To me it's much more romantic. But for me, cuddling isn't ALL of it. There is a little something missing, and even though I'm not as concerned as other sexuals about that little something, I'd still like to have it.

 

On 11/30/2017 at 7:33 AM, PoisonPoppy said:

2. If it is, what would you compare its importance to? 

As of right now, and if I were in a relationship with an asexual I'd equate the importance to me for something you'd really like to have, but don't need.

 

My situation is different than that though. I am often frustrated because *I* don't want it, generally, and that this is not me as a sexual person saying that my partner doesn't want sex . . . it's all on me. Thus, this is a bit different from your original intention.

 

On 11/30/2017 at 7:33 AM, PoisonPoppy said:

3. How would you compromise as [someone who doesn't want sex]? 

WARNING: TMI.

 

I give my boyfriend hand-jobs, but I don't like doing that as much simply because I don't feel I'm good at it. Blow-jobs are much more fun, and I always thought I would hate them. I especially like doing them outside. Fingering, spanking, "dry humping" (I hate that term), and some nipple play are all on the table. It's mostly out-right sex that I have an issue with, although there are also times when I don't even want to be naked, in which case we either cuddle or (if we're both in the mood) fool around with all clothes on.

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