Mom's acting like i'm cis...

[Tortuga]

About a month ago, I came out to my mom and it seemed like life would get better in this bit, because I would be able to have more expressional freedom to get rid of dysphoria when it occurs, but... no. My mom's still getting me heavily gendered clothes, using my heavily gendered birth name, and overall acting as if i'd never come out and I was a cis person. (I mean, we have talked about it a few times, and she seems to want to suppress my identity as much as possible. Why?) Why is my mom completely ignoring my identity/identities??? Any help on what to do? 

[All the little Lights]

I have a list of ideas:-)

-Write your (chosen) name everywhere, on your door, on the place you're sitting at the dinner table etc.

-Share joy you have surrounding your gender.

-Take her to a family's counseling (with someone who knows a lot about trans people and is respecting them)

-Go to a support group/make her go to one (or whatever exists where you live).

-(Only do this if you can do that with your mom) Show her how mad/angry/etc. this makes you. Make sure she knows why.

-Invite friends who support you and can talk a lot about you while using the right name and pronouns.

-Be patient.

-Explain as much as you can and want to (the more the better though).

-Tell her what clothes you'd like or buy your own.

-Have friends who understand you.

 

Other things:

Your mom probably finds you not being the gender you were assigned at birth too complicated to think about it.

A funny way to think: If you were cis, you would have been assigned the gender you actually are.

 

I wish you good luck!

 

[Tortuga]

Thanks! I will try these out! 

[Angelnoir]

19 hours ago, Tortuga said:

About a month ago, I came out to my mom and it seemed like life would get better in this bit, because I would be able to have more expressional freedom to get rid of dysphoria when it occurs, but... no. My mom's still getting me heavily gendered clothes, using my heavily gendered birth name, and overall acting as if i'd never come out and I was a cis person. (I mean, we have talked about it a few times, and she seems to want to suppress my identity as much as possible. Why?) Why is my mom completely ignoring my identity/identities??? Any help on what to do? 

I don't think your mom getting you gendered clothes implies she thinks you are cis. Just because someone has gendered or androgynous clothes doesn't imply anything about their gender. If anything, it implies that your mother likes feminine clothing. Maybe you can tell her that: Just say you don't like feminine clothing without telling her anything about gender. Just say, but I don't like feminine clothing and then you list why, e.g. it's too tight, too bright...etc.

Most people don't indentify with a gender, so I assume your mother sees it that way. . or maybe not.

 

[Mezzo Forte]

I've found that even the people who try their darnedest to be understanding can still have blind spots in regards to gender, sometimes bafflingly so. You may need to be more explicit about your feelings concerning gendered clothes/pronouns/etc.

 

A recent minor example: My parents support me 100%, yet my mom didn't understand why I disliked women's coats so much. She seemed so confused when I gave her one of my nice coats, because if it's so nice, why wouldn't I want to wear it? I kept telling her that it's because of the fit in the hips, but she didn't really understand until she tried on a proper men's coat. Heck, she not only understands my perspective now, she actually likes the fit of the men's coats better than the women's ones.