Aromantic or Biromantic?

[nate-1234]

I just realized that I am asexual this week and it's little weird to get used to because I am so shocked that these feelings I had over the years actually make sense now and brings me comfort. Although I am now pretty secure in my sexual orientation, I am unsure of my romantic orientation. Since I was little I had crushes on boys and girls. I remember when I was around ten years old I was sleeping over some girl's house and she got on top of me and started to make out with me. I did not feel anything no spark or anything even though I wanted to because she was nice and cute. Then when I was in my early teens a boy asked me out and I agreed because he was sweet to me and decent looking. However, I broke up with him after a day or two because I disliked how sweaty and embarrassing hand holding was, he became far too clingy and jealous, and I disliked how he would put his hand around my waist. More recently in highschool I had two crushes on two of the most attractive masculine boys in our school (and they seemed interested in me too surprisingly) and we would stare at one another in the halls. I always thought of just kissing/making out with them, getting to know them, and some sensual touching(chest,legs,face no genitals), but of course sex never even crossed my mind even when their stares were anything but innocent, I somehow did not get the hint until much later. I thought that they would never ever even think about having sex with me. I am confused because I want a relationship where we can kiss, cuddle, be sensual, talk, go to the movies, play video games etc. without sex , but it seems like when I am in a "relationship" I run away or can not stand how overbearing they can become it's like the friend/person I knew turns into someone I do not like.

[Baam]

I feel like I'm kind of in a similar position. I also just realised I'm sexual this week. And I feel similarly about the last sentence. But this isn't really helpful as I'm just as confused as you at the moment. : P

 

But then again, your statements, particularly the last one, scream lithromantic to me. A possibility is that you could be biromantic and lithromantic. In case you haven't heard of it, you could check out these pages:

http://wiki.asexuality.org/Lithromantic

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/71465-anyone-ever-hear-of-a-lithromantic-or-identify-as-one/

I can't really give you any more advice if this is the case, as I am not lithromantic. But I advise you google around a bit, as there are plenty of people who are.

 

Another possibility is that you're bisexual and aromantic. Unless you made a typo in the first sentence and meant that you realised you were asexual this week. Which would make a little more sense given your last sentence ('without sex').

[nate-1234]

oops yeah I did make a typo thank you.

[nate-1234]

17 hours ago, Baam said:

I feel like I'm kind of in a similar position. I also just realised I'm sexual this week. And I feel similarly about the last sentence. But this isn't really helpful as I'm just as confused as you at the moment. : P

 

But then again, your statements, particularly the last one, scream lithromantic to me. A possibility is that you could be biromantic and lithromantic. In case you haven't heard of it, you could check out these pages:

http://wiki.asexuality.org/Lithromantic

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/71465-anyone-ever-hear-of-a-lithromantic-or-identify-as-one/

I can't really give you any more advice if this is the case, as I am not lithromantic. But I advise you google around a bit, as there are plenty of people who are.

 

Another possibility is that you're bisexual and aromantic. Unless you made a typo in the first sentence and meant that you realised you were asexual this week. Which would make a little more sense given your last sentence ('without sex').

The thing is I do want my romantic feelings reciprocated I want to be kissed and cuddled. It was just he was a basically stranger that I did not know that asked me out, so I guess now that I think back on it I  think that is why I ran away from him.

[Baam]

On 28/11/2017 at 7:01 PM, nate-1234 said:

but it seems like when I am in a "relationship" I run away or can not stand how overbearing they can become it's like the friend/person I knew turns into someone I do not like.

You said this, though. So the above doesn't apply to all relationships, just this person who was basically a stranger? If so, then you're most likely just biromantic. Only you can know for sure, obviously. Regardless, the lithro- label isn't mutually exclusive to bi-, and it's not really useful outside of the asexual community as the vast vast majority of people have never heard of it. Labels cease to be useful in explaining yourself if they themselves take more explanation than your experiences.

 

You said, 'More recently in highschool I had two crushes on two of the most attractive masculine boys in our school'.  Since you've had crushes, you are most likely not aromantic. If they really were crushes (and not squishes/platonic crushes for example), then this is a clear example of romantic attraction.

 

Does your confusion lie in your responses to your relationships? I think it's perfectly normal for a relationship to turn sour because one person turns out to be someone you didn't think they were. I'm aromantic though, so don't take my words too seriously.