Reylaviv Posted November 27, 2017 Share Posted November 27, 2017 I was thinking about something and I wanted to post about it. Does anyone else sort of forget that they’re ace?? Like my mind is so wired for the concept of “shirtless guy=hot=get aroused” because that’s what society and everything says. Like, I question my sexuality all the time because my brain is so wired into like “oh that’s a boob you’re supposed to be aroused! Be aroused!” Like, I don’t WANT to be aroused by ~hot celebrities~ but my mind is hard wired in a way that basically forces my body to get aroused because I’m supposed to. And I’ve read a lot of fanfics and I’m on the internet 24/7 so my mind is just going “oh that looks like a _____” “that is an inuendo” “that’s sexual” all the freaking time. It makes it really hard to really figure out if I’m really asexual or not because I’m so used to sexual things. Does anyone else have a problem of being so used to dirty jokes and sexual innuendos that they feel less ace? Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted November 27, 2017 Share Posted November 27, 2017 5 minutes ago, Reylaviv said: Like my mind is so wired for “shirtless guy=hot=get aroused” because that’s what society and everything says. Like, I question my sexuality all the time because my brain is so wired into like “oh that’s a boob you’re supposed to be aroused! Be aroused!” It's certainly not happening because "society and everything" wired your brain like that. There are sex-repulsed sexuals out there, so this could be a possibility. There's also a chance that someone is wrong thinking that they're ace when they actually aren't. Unfortunately your profile doesn't indicate your age. Looks like there's still some self-discovery ahead of you, whatever the outcome will be. Best of luck Link to post Share on other sites
Raya Posted November 27, 2017 Share Posted November 27, 2017 Yes, you put it into words!! I'm actually so relieved to see that I'm not the only one having difficulty with this! I'm constantly wondering if I really can consider myself ace, even though I technically know that I usually don't feel sexual attraction. It just seems so ingrained into my brain to think about sex or innuendos. I don't get aroused just at the sight of hot people, but somehow my brains seems to think that I should be and wants me to focus on it. It's so darn confusing sometimes, and makes me wonder if I'm just pretending or suppressing something. There is still a lot of figuring out for me to do... Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted November 27, 2017 Share Posted November 27, 2017 Sexual attraction isn't getting 'aroused at the sight of hot people'. It's wanting to have sex with a person *for your own pleasure* for whatever reason. Very very rarely based purely on looks: generally a combination of looks, personality, mental connection, situation and an almost indefinable pull to be closer to them. Link to post Share on other sites
Karret Posted November 27, 2017 Share Posted November 27, 2017 To the point on having your mind in the gutter, I don't think that's really indicative of anything one way or the other. I love "that's what she said" jokes and innuendos and other such things. Then again, I love just about any type of humor, so it's more the humor in it that I like than the fact that it's about sex; I don't consider it a forced thing, just natural given the reality that it is a common experience for most humans. I don't see anything questionable about laughing at jokes about something many people do, even if you yourself don't want to engage in it. Link to post Share on other sites
AussieIsAce Posted November 27, 2017 Share Posted November 27, 2017 53 minutes ago, Reylaviv said: Does anyone else sort of forget that they’re ace?? Like my mind is so wired for “shirtless guy=hot=get aroused” because that’s what society and everything says. Like, I question my sexuality all the time because my brain is so wired into like “oh that’s a boob you’re supposed to be aroused! Be aroused!” yo this is me. At parties i make out with guys even though i dont enjoy it at all just because my brain is telling me 'LOOK MEN' and it happens. I look at Brad Pitt and think 'yeah i could fuck him' but then im sitting there like no no no, no you wouldnt fuck him youre ace...you literally never would do that. I forget that i dont like sex because im around good looking people and i start to think maybe ill like it with them. but i know i wont, its kinda like you are trying to find a way not to be ace. Link to post Share on other sites
ChillaKilla Posted November 27, 2017 Share Posted November 27, 2017 Aces can definitely have dirty minds Certain areas of AVEN definitely are proof of this. Link to post Share on other sites
Reylaviv Posted November 27, 2017 Author Share Posted November 27, 2017 3 hours ago, Homer said: It's certainly not happening because "society and everything" wired your brain like that. There are sex-repulsed sexuals out there, so this could be a possibility. There's also a chance that someone is wrong thinking that they're ace when they actually aren't. Unfortunately your profile doesn't indicate your age. Looks like there's still some self-discovery ahead of you, whatever the outcome will be. Best of luck Thanks! I’m reading back at what I wrote and I realised that it was a bit unclear When I wrote “shirtless guy=hot=get aroused” it’s not that I ACTUALLY get aroused more like my brain is going “hey look look! This is the thing people get aroused by right? This is it right? I’m gonna make you aroused cause that’s what people like right! This is what you should be aroused by!” It’s difficult to explain but I have a loooooong way until I’ve figured myself out Link to post Share on other sites
ChillaKilla Posted November 27, 2017 Share Posted November 27, 2017 2 hours ago, Reylaviv said: Thanks! I’m reading back at what I wrote and I realised that it was a bit unclear When I wrote “shirtless guy=hot=get aroused” it’s not that I ACTUALLY get aroused more like my brain is going “hey look look! This is the thing people get aroused by right? This is it right? I’m gonna make you aroused cause that’s what people like right! This is what you should be aroused by!” It’s difficult to explain but I have a loooooong way until I’ve figured myself out I get your drift Even as a sexual, I find the over-sexualization of society to be pretty silly. Sex positivity is different from shoehorning it into, say, food advertisements Link to post Share on other sites
To Each Their Own Posted December 10, 2017 Share Posted December 10, 2017 Forget that I’m asexual? Um...no. But maybe that’s because I find all that stuff rather repulsive. But I have a gay male friend who, if you showed him a shirtless picture of a Victoria Secrets model, he certainly wouldn’t ‘forget’ that he was gay, even though society constantly tells us that THAT is supposed to be sexy. Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted December 10, 2017 Share Posted December 10, 2017 Quote Sex positivity is different from shoehorning it into, say, food advertisements It's in ads because for most people it's a positive association on a pretty subconscious level. It's not meant to be logical; but putting food next to an attractive person means the food picks up some of the positive assocations. Next time we see the food, we have those positive associations, subconsciously. It's late and I can't be arsed to dig out the research on this, but it does exist. Link to post Share on other sites
To Each Their Own Posted December 10, 2017 Share Posted December 10, 2017 9 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said: It's in ads because for most people it's a positive association on a pretty subconscious level. It's not meant to be logical; but putting food next to an attractive person means the food picks up some of the positive assocations. Next time we see the food, we have those positive associations, subconsciously. It's late and I can't be arsed to dig out the research on this, but it does exist. Wow...as a sex-repulsed asexual...no wonder I’m anorexic!!! Mind. Blown. Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted December 11, 2017 Share Posted December 11, 2017 Since knowing, I'm always reminded I'm ace. The topic of sex and sexuality are rarely socially discussed. I can't forget what I don't discuss. Link to post Share on other sites
Kersenne Posted December 11, 2017 Share Posted December 11, 2017 I can't forget I'm ace, but I've spent such a long time pretending I was sexual that I have plenty of "sexual" habits - such as looking at handsome men and saying that they're handsome (or hot, even if that's a term I find absurd and stopped using), or making sexy jokes/comments, or saying things expected from sexual people. Sometimes it puts me in really awkward situations, because even though I've gotten good at pretending, I'm still only pretending, so sometimes I get lost in my lies and can't get out of them and end up feeling super foolish^^ Thankfully it happens less and less now since I accepted my asexuality and started talking about it to my friends But I understand how you feel! Link to post Share on other sites
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