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Navigating the adult world of friendships


she_doesn't_use_jelly

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she_doesn't_use_jelly

Ok, I'm sure this rant has been posted numerous times before but I just have to get it off my chest. So i'll be 27 in January and lets face it I'm no spring chicken like i used to be, I say this not because I'm getting decrepit or senile (or maybe I'am) but because everyone in my age group is either coupled up or has a few kids and its hard to blend in now. I obviously have none of the above and i find it hard to make friends in this age group because there is just this sense of pity that comes from others who don't understand, like oh maybe there's something wrong with her, has serious mental issues or too picky etc...Two of my closest female friends both have husbands and children now plus live far away, I feel like they've gotten really close to one another and leave me out sometimes because I have little to nothing in common with them anymore.. its especially hard to be friends with guys now to the point where unless their gay or asexual I just won't even go there anymore. I also don't understand flirting and when someone tries it with me and I don't respond the "right" way its as if they get offended or something.. And don't even get me started on females with their jealousy and insecurity issues..it sucks being asexual sometimes..

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A shard of glass

I'm starting to feel this way too...

 

Even though I'm 22 (I think... I never keep track of my actual age, totally pointless IMO) I do get a VERY strong sense of "we can't be friends unless we can talk about all the people we've slept with"... It really bums me out really since I've only had one of what they'd refer to as a "conquest" or some other ridiculous, dehumanising term.

 

I'm also getting to the stage where people are getting married around me... I don't even have a girlfriend at the moment XD so it' sucks very depressing for me :( That being said, there is a person that I'm very close to... but distance, and she might hate me XD

 

Anyway, I'm getting off topic really. In all honesty, I prefer to make friends who are in the 25-30 sort of age range. They're more mature, less likely to judge me based on my relationship and "one night stand" history (yes... that's allegedly a thing... I think it' should disgusting >.<), and more importantly, they're much nicer people I find.

 

Maybe I'm surrounding myself with the wrong sorts of friends, maybe I just pick out and exaggerate on how much they talk about sex. Maybe I wasn't born "right". Either way, this is the life I have, and I'll do everything I can to live it to the fullest.

 

Sorry for my slightly, completely irrelevant post, just wanted to share my frustration with you

 

-BW

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J. van Deijck

*hugs* I don't know, but I like you and I really don't care how many one night stands you possibly had. it doesn't even matter at all.

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A shard of glass
1 hour ago, Amathy said:

This is exactly why I prefer my friends to be of the Canis lupus familiaris variety.  

Same here... though to be honest, I can't afford either Canis lupus familiaris or Felis catus :(

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I'm not even 18 yet but people already think I'm too innocent and too single to hang out with.

 

Yeah, it sucks to have people ditch you for their partners and then get caught up raising kids...

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I was lucky to have a few friends that continued to stay involved with me after we'd all gotten jobs, and marriages and kids followed.  What made it work was a mutual commitment to the friendships, lots of communication, and all of us rolling with the changes. No more calls (or texts, now) back & forth about grabbing pizza, beer, or a movie at midnight - it became lending a willing ear about marriage problems, being a godfather (and grand-godfather) to their kids, getting invited over to their houses for holidays, and being a member of their families in all but name. Best of all: Now I grab pizza, beer, and movies at midnight with my godsons, their wives, and friends. :lol:

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Blue Phoenix Ace

@she_doesn't_use_jelly I understand exactly how you feel because I have gone through the same problems myself. I am 39 now and I saw the same changes in my mid twenties. Unfortunately, it hasn't gotten much better for me. I have one friend who still includes me with his family. I have another that I rarely see anymore, which hurts. I don't spend nearly as much time with friends as I once did.

 

It gets difficult when the main topic of discussion is marriage and children and you are interested in neither. I think it helps to try and make new younger friends but that can be tough due to the age difference. Other than that, getting into interesting hobbies can be very good. I find that creative hobbies help me feel productive and fulfilled.

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7 hours ago, Baggage_warrior said:

Same here... though to be honest, I can't afford either Canis lupus familiaris or Felis catus :(

I work so I can afford my favorite Canis lupus familiaris.  Before that I just volunteered at no-kill animal shelters. 

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she_doesn't_use_jelly

Ive only had one "conquest" it was a guy I hardly knew and I was already 20, my friends all had a boyfriends or "boyfriends" and I thought if I just got it over with and slept with someone it might make me actually like it...well it wasnt fun at all the deed was actually very boring but I kept trying cuz I thought it would get better..the guy was a real jerk though and had the personality and intellect of a stale loaf of bread.. he also ended up raping my best friend...when I told him he was a disgusting pig he had the nerve to tell me "I had my panties in a bunch"...so that was the end of that..

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