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Am I traumatized or asexual?


Janedoe722

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My questions: 

1. I dont know if I am not turned on because what he is doing to me sexually isnt working. How can you know for sure that your lack of sexual desire is due to a lack of sexual connection? 

2. How do i figure out if my lack of sexual desire is due to having trauma in my childhood? 

3. Sometimes i wonder if maybe i am not turned on because i am more easily aroused by women. How do i even explore that if i am in a committed relationship with my boyfriend who i do love? 

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Hello Janedoe722,

 

1. It depends. If you've experienced sexual desire with someone else, but not this person, then you know it's because of this person. If you've never experienced sexual desire, ever, it's up to you how sure you are. Ponder the feelings you've experienced, the fantasies you're having, and how you feel when you think about turning those fantasies into reality with somebody. If you think "meh", it's probably not the specific person but more like a general thing. But it's hard to be sure. The good news is: you're allowed to change your labels, in case you picked the wrong ones, or they don't fit you anymore as time goes by.

 

2. That's a tough one. If you're OK with not feeling sexual desire, does it matter why you are how you are? If you're not OK, have you considered therapy?

 

3. Do you want to explore, or would you prefer to stick with your boyfriend and never know for sure? I think that's a case of "don't ask if you're not sure you want to know the answer" :-) If you do want to explore, start with fantasies. How would your boyfriend react if you shared that kind of fantasy with him?

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