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How to have relationships with sexual people?


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Hello,

I'm new here and I had a question for other people who are asexuals but are libidoist asexuals, so people who don't have desire to have sex with others but have the need to pleasure themselves alone. Are you finding that it's difficult to have relationships (I mean serious ones not friendships) with other people and have a healthy life with your other half? 
Because I'm wondering how a libidoist asexual (I'm one and I'm a male and hetero) can have a relationship with a girl who is sexual (that represents I think almost the totality of the population). 
How do you guys cope with this? I'm having a breakdown because I would like to be with a girl but this incompatibility kills me and the fact that we're just 1% of the population or around that number is disheartening.

Thanks

 

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tobi.is.a.gross.nerd
42 minutes ago, Robvvv said:

Hello,

I'm new here and I had a question for other people who are asexuals but are libidoist asexuals, so people who don't have desire to have sex with others but have the need to pleasure themselves alone. Are you finding that it's difficult to have relationships (I mean serious ones not friendships) with other people and have a healthy life with your other half? 
Because I'm wondering how a libidoist asexual (I'm one and I'm a male and hetero) can have a relationship with a girl who is sexual (that represents I think almost the totality of the population). 
How do you guys cope with this? I'm having a breakdown because I would like to be with a girl but this incompatibility kills me and the fact that we're just 1% of the population or around that number is disheartening.

Thanks

 

I am in a relationship with a sexual person who knows that I am asexual, and we have a very strong bond romantically but not sexually. I think the main way to really have a strong relationship with a sexual person is for you two to come to an understanding of one another. If said sexual girl and yourself do end up getting into a relationship then you should be very upfront about your sexuality. If she still wants to make you have sex despite that then she isn't the one for you anyway. 

I don't know if this even helped. but yeah :)

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Hi, I had the same problem with my last boyfriend, me being asexual, him being sexual. For us, it was a bit difficult, because he couldn't imagine a relationship without sex. We broke up in the end (not really because of that issue, we had quite a lot of reasons for the break up).

But I'd still try again with someone else, because I believe there are people out there that would be okay with it. The key to a healthy relationship (for any kind of relationship really) is communication. It is very important to talk about it and be open about it, I think.

So, maybe try talking with her about it?

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I had to face something fairly similar with my boyfriend. I broke it to him that I'm asexual and in the end we talked things through. My advice to keeping your relationship healthy? Talk with your partner. My Boyfriend is supper sportive and understanding, even apologizes when his hands wandered too low during our make-out sessions. He asked me what my boundaries are and we work on our relationship together. I too fall under the category of libidoist asexual as you called it, but I can tell you that the label only has a little to do with the relationship itself. Most of the time, sex (and our desires or lack there of) have little to do with our interactions. If we decide that we want to do something sexual in nature, there are alternatives to anything penetrative that we try. But this is just my relationship, and you might decide that even giving your partner a helping hand (so to speak) is outside your comfort zone.

 

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Warning I Often Offend People On This Site, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

 

i reckon if the person you like is sexual you or them have to change, they gotta stop having sex or you gotta start having sex. fundamentally its crazy sounding....someone who loves sex giving it up because out of the 7.6 billion people on this planet they couldnt find anyone else. If you are the special kind of asexual who can have sex with there partner and get through it, hats off too ya. i couldnt heck no. 

 

i reckon the best route to take is find someone either really chill or just another ace person. youre gonna need to start having sex with someone if you say that you can do that then im sure you can date a sexual person. 

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Thanks to everyone for the answers.

 

19 hours ago, miettaisace said:

Warning I Often Offend People On This Site, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

 

i reckon if the person you like is sexual you or them have to change, they gotta stop having sex or you gotta start having sex. fundamentally its crazy sounding....someone who loves sex giving it up because out of the 7.6 billion people on this planet they couldnt find anyone else. If you are the special kind of asexual who can have sex with there partner and get through it, hats off too ya. i couldnt heck no. 

 

i reckon the best route to take is find someone either really chill or just another ace person. youre gonna need to start having sex with someone if you say that you can do that then im sure you can date a sexual person. 

I think you're right, I either find another ace or just stay alone, since I don't want to have a second job in my private life satisfying my partner on top of my other job. 
If an ace ends up with a sexual person without reaching compromises, then probably the sexual person will decide to just fuck someone behind your back or just leave you if he/she is honest. 
Also, the fact that aces are 1% of the population and that to find a match it's also difficult (maybe 30 to 50% of that 1% of aces), you will have 0,30 to 0,50% of being with an ace who is a good match for you, so we're screwed lol.

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