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Why do I feel sexual attraction but don't desire sex?


tianara101

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I don't have any sexual desire, but a few guys sometimes make me become aroused. I feel like I can sense others sexual sexual attraction towards me, which I absorb and that gets me turned on. Like I imagine taking them then and there, but don't act on it. If I am not with that certain person, I have no sexual desire whatsoever. I sometimes imagine being romantic, but never physical with them. Sexual intercourse sounds disgusting to me. Is the sexual desire I feel in the moment actually my desire, their desire, or both of ours? Am I asexual? I am very confused.

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Space-Ace-Android

You could very likely be asexual as you do not want to have sex :) And feeling sexual attraction but not wanting to act on it is a very asexual thing to do. Perhaps you are picking up on their desire? I am not certain either but I hope this helped. :3 Also welcome and have some cake!

 

Image result for Cute Cake

 

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I am the same way, I experience arousal for people I just don't want to have sex with them. Welcome to AVEN!

 

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DragonflytotheMoon

Hi, Tianara. My attraction to & interest in people is more about an intellectual and/or emotional connection. Even with my husband, who I have had, somewhat, of a physical attraction to, it's more about the other. We're best friends & practice sensual affection (snuggling, for example, that doesn't usually lead to anything sexual). There's very few people I would say I find aesthetically appealing. When I do, it's women moreso than men. I don't know if I'm just very particular or it fits in more with my demi romantic nature. I use to think that my response was physical (before I understood who & how I am). But, it doesn't extend to me wanting them that way. Not typically even kissing, which I love. It's just I'm drawn to them (for some reason) & want to spend time with them. It's possible what you perceive to be a sexual reaction is something else entirely. Unless your genitalia is included in the overall feeling. Which, for me, rarely ever is. That's why I wanted to give my experience, in case there might be something similar there.

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Amandawastaken

I relate to this--a lot. I'm not sure if I would identify as asexual (I consider myself to be panromantic, and often just label my sexuality as "queer"), but I know I don't enjoy sex, even if my body does. 

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  • 5 years later...

Asexual is someone who doesn’t feel sexual attraction or so rarely that it’s not even considered to be noted. Sex positive asexuals enjoy sex, indifferent doesn’t care either way, and sex repulsed like me, and by the sounds of it… you, hate sex and want nothing to do with it. So you are most likely asexual. It’s like having Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder but it doesn’t bother you and HSDD is typically caused by something like traumatic experiences. So you are most likely asexual. And we’re always happy to meet another so welcome to the community! 

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everywhere and nowhere
4 hours ago, BlackCat1007 said:

Sex positive asexuals enjoy sex

No. Sex-favourable asexuals can enjoy sex, and sex-positive asexuals believe that sexuality is a positive thing overall.

It is very important not to concfuse them. "Sex-positive" always used to meant only a political stance on sex, and in case of asexuals it's particularly important, because sex-positive asexuals can have any personal attitudes about sex. After all, when an allosexual person declares themself as sex-positive, we can assume that they are also open to particular kinds of sex, with particular gender(s)... But an asexual person can very well be politically sex-positive and personally have zero willingness to participate in sex.

I am sex-negative myself, but I also wish never to have sex, like the hypothetical sex-positive sex-averse person in my example, so I'm sensitive about the problem of certain ways in which asexual people's messages can be read as conveying sexual openness, even if the person in question never intended to communicate that.

4 hours ago, BlackCat1007 said:

It’s like having Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder but it doesn’t bother you and HSDD is typically caused by something like traumatic experiences.

In my radical opinion, HSDD doesn't exist. But in a way yes, it's the same as asexuality - HSDD is just asexuality, tainted with some "experts'" opinion that lack of sexual desire and/or libido is a disorder.

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On 11/26/2017 at 3:17 PM, tianara101 said:

I don't have any sexual desire, but a few guys sometimes make me become aroused. I feel like I can sense others sexual sexual attraction towards me, which I absorb and that gets me turned on. Like I imagine taking them then and there, but don't act on it. If I am not with that certain person, I have no sexual desire whatsoever. I sometimes imagine being romantic, but never physical with them. Sexual intercourse sounds disgusting to me. Is the sexual desire I feel in the moment actually my desire, their desire, or both of ours? Am I asexual? I am very confused.

Sounds like Orchidsexual to me

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On 11/30/2022 at 3:44 AM, BlackCat1007 said:

Asexual is someone who doesn’t feel sexual attraction or so rarely that it’s not even considered to be noted. Sex positive asexuals enjoy sex, indifferent doesn’t care either way, and sex repulsed like me, and by the sounds of it… you, hate sex and want nothing to do with it. So you are most likely asexual. It’s like having Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder but it doesn’t bother you and HSDD is typically caused by something like traumatic experiences. So you are most likely asexual. And we’re always happy to meet another so welcome to the community! 

You presumably made an account here just to respond to a 5 year old thread made by someone who stopped coming here not long after making this post. :<

 

How do people even keep finding these old ass threads, anyway?

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jellyfish_cake

There's a video from James Somerton and an Asexual author that approaches the subject very well.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7a4DTkoejG8&t=1894s&ab_channel=JamesSomerton

 

I'm kind of like this too, a way to describe it is that I like all the romance and kinks that lead to sex, but I don't enjoy sex itself... I like the fantasies I live in my head.

(But that's just me)

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  • 2 months later...

I am also like this. I have a huge crush on this person (NB, They/Them) and i experience sexual attraction to them. Although i am sexually attracted to them, i dont want to have sex. Many sources say that that is asexuality, but i thought asexual is not having sexual attraction. is there a microlabel for this? im so confused lmao

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  • 4 months later...
tay.bear145
On 2/11/2023 at 7:41 PM, its.rayning said:

I am also like this. I have a huge crush on this person (NB, They/Them) and i experience sexual attraction to them. Although i am sexually attracted to them, i dont want to have sex. Many sources say that that is asexuality, but i thought asexual is not having sexual attraction. is there a microlabel for this? im so confused lmao

THIS!!!! I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THE ANSWER TO THIS!!! I know I'm not asexual because I'm still sexually attracted to people!! But then I don't want to have sex with them at all. Can be super turned on and I like reading spicy romance books enjoy hugs and handholding and I wouldn't mind laying my head on some attractive firefighters chest and turn into a tomato but outside of that hug. Keep your bits away from meeeeeeeeeee. Idk what that's called. Don't want sex at all but still find people to be very attractive and someone can definitely get my hear racing with a smile. Everyone says asexual but it's not cause I'm still attracted. I NEED A SUB GROUP! Can I just find someone too cuddle and watch studio ghibli movies with 😭

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tay.bear145
On 2/11/2023 at 7:41 PM, its.rayning said:

I am also like this. I have a huge crush on this person (NB, They/Them) and i experience sexual attraction to them. Although i am sexually attracted to them, i dont want to have sex. Many sources say that that is asexuality, but i thought asexual is not having sexual attraction. is there a microlabel for this? im so confused lmao

THIS!!!! I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THE ANSWER TO THIS!!! I know I'm not asexual because I'm still sexually attracted to people!! But then I don't want to have sex with them at all. Can be super turned on and I like reading spicy romance books enjoy hugs and handholding and I wouldn't mind laying my head on some attractive firefighters chest and turn into a tomato but outside of that hug. Keep your bits away from meeeeeeeeeee. Idk what that's called. Don't want sex at all but still find people to be very attractive and someone can definitely get my hear racing with a smile. Everyone says asexual but it's not cause I'm still attracted. I NEED A SUB GROUP! Can I just find someone too cuddle and watch studio ghibli movies with 😭

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tay.bear145

Does asexuality strictly speaking mean no sexually attraction because if the base is no sex but the rest is gray area at least I fit somewhere if not I don't know where I fit if I do at all. I find people attractive sexually but don't want sex AT ALL (keep your bits to yourself) and am happy to just watch Disney plus and cuddle cause it's comfy.  Is there a name for that or is that asexual with exceptions that don't make sense to people. Mainly to myself. I'm lost if you know leave a comment. I'd appreciate it. Or if your like me leave a comment and maybe someone will have an answer for the both of us! I found 1 person which makes me pretty happy ! 

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  • 2 months later...
On 7/3/2023 at 3:49 PM, tay.bear145 said:

Does asexuality strictly speaking mean no sexually attraction because if the base is no sex but the rest is gray area at least I fit somewhere if not I don't know where I fit if I do at all. I find people attractive sexually but don't want sex AT ALL (keep your bits to yourself) and am happy to just watch Disney plus and cuddle cause it's comfy.  Is there a name for that or is that asexual with exceptions that don't make sense to people. Mainly to myself. I'm lost if you know leave a comment. I'd appreciate it. Or if your like me leave a comment and maybe someone will have an answer for the both of us! I found 1 person which makes me pretty happy ! 

This is called orchidsexual

https://asexuals.fandom.com/wiki/Orchidsexual#:~:text=Orchidsexual is a microlabel on,or as an umbrella term

hope that helps. (i am like that too)

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  • 4 weeks later...

thats a very recent sublabel i wonder if it catches on. i guess that me grey or demi orchid pansexual xD because occasionally i do find people sexually attractive and it definitively not just aesthetic i mean it is part and parcel for me really.  however i am not a sensual person. shoulder or squeezes (are fine depends on the erson really actually only very few eople id accept hugs from ) but i dont like soft touch at all (no i dont like bdsm either)

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  • 3 weeks later...

helloo can someone help me bc I'm lost about wtf my sexuality is lol some background info: I'm a 21 y/o cis lady w/ a cis bf, and I think I may be somewhere in the gray area of asexuality, bc I hardly ever have the desire to have sex. I'll get turned on, but I don't care for/need sex. I genuinely wanted to do it a few times w/ my bf, but not often. I just honestly don't think about it. I prefer just hugging, kissing, cuddling, that stuff. and there's only been a couple ppl I've been sexually attracted to just based off looks alone. that's my first dilemma. my 2nd is I've regarded myself as straight my whole life, however... I really enjoy tits. I've never been w/ a girl, and I honestly never really had a desire to be w/ one (have had a couple mini girl crushes) but my 1st sexual awakening was to boobs. And they continue to be a reigning favorite to think of when I'm in the mood. And I think girls are wayyy prettier/physically attractive than men lol. like nooooo competition. but I still don't have a desire to actually be w/ a woman and I'm of course still attracted to men. so maybe I'm somewhere inbtw straight and bi ? I feel like my 2 dilemmas are a lil contradictory of each other lmfao... but idk it seems too complicated to just be straight lol. if someone could help me find some answers that'd be awesome :)

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On 7/3/2023 at 9:49 AM, tay.bear145 said:

Does asexuality strictly speaking mean no sexually attraction because if the base is no sex but the rest is gray area at least I fit somewhere if not I don't know where I fit if I do at all. I find people attractive sexually but don't want sex AT ALL (keep your bits to yourself) and am happy to just watch Disney plus and cuddle cause it's comfy.  Is there a name for that or is that asexual with exceptions that don't make sense to people. Mainly to myself. I'm lost if you know leave a comment. I'd appreciate it. Or if your like me leave a comment and maybe someone will have an answer for the both of us! I found 1 person which makes me pretty happy ! 

So, something similar here, but definitely not the same.

 Im a lifelong fetishist, but definitely consider myself on the asexual spectrum. I am only sexually attracted to another person, for the sake of said specific sexual acts (BDSM related). These acts do cause physical arousal. HOWEVER, sex is NEVER an option. EVER. Zero desire. The BDSM act alone is sufficient. Ill also add that the fetish is gender flexible, however I only desire romantic & emotional relationships with the opposite sex.

It is generally accepted within the community that asexuality is the "absence of attraction for partnered sex". So here I am, somewhere within the pretty wide Ace-umbrella.

 I hope that you find comfort within this community OP. Have some cake 🍰

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  • 2 months later...
Maria_716

Hi I am very confused and I hope yall can clear some things up. I am attracted to people, but I don’t wanna have sex. In fact I kinda find the idea gross. I have had multiple crushes on people, but no longer than maybe 6-7 months, idk I’m bad with time. I find people attractive, and sometimes when I have a crush on a person, I can’t even look them in the eye. Does this mean I’m asexual? Idk I just don’t wanna have sex but I’m attracted to people. Hope you guys have a wonderful day!

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everywhere and nowhere

Yes, I think that you can consider the asexual label to be fitting. Not wanting to have sex is enough for that. I prefer the desire-based definition of asexuality and I also find some extremes of misunderstanding sexual attraction quite troubling, because they distort the picture a lot... when some people assume that asexuals "want sex like everyone else" (which is obviously untrue, because even if most people want to have sex, there are at least hundreds of millions of people who don't), but don't care about appearance, it presents a very distorted view of what "sexual attraction" means, portrays allosexuals as shallow and superficial, and creates an unsafe environment for asexuals (because it means that even within a community which is supposed to be theirs, they may not escape assumptions that everyone is or wants to be sexually active).

However, even if lack of desire for sex is in my opinion enough, another question is still worth asking: in what way are you attracted to other people? Because if it's esthetic or romantic attraction, there's not even a sliver of doubt... I believe anyway that if one feels attraction with a sexual component such as arousal, fantasies, but still doesn't want to actually have sex with anyone, it "counts" as asexual, not even necessarily gray. But it's anyway worth considering how to call such an attraction with a sexual component which still doesn't meet the AVEN definition of sexual attraction, because it doesn't lead to a desire for sex. I personally prefer to insist that "finding someone sexually attractive" and "being sexually attracted to someone" is not the same, one is possible without the other...

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  • 2 weeks later...
HotSauceBopp
On 12/6/2022 at 1:53 AM, Philip027 said:

You presumably made an account here just to respond to a 5 year old thread made by someone who stopped coming here not long after making this post. :<

 

How do people even keep finding these old ass threads, anyway?

Better question: Why it bothers you enough to rant, on it?

 You do realize that when people are googling things that they might be able to relate to, lots of links to the threads in this site can appear, right???

 You've also ridiculed me for responding to years-old posts before, at the slim chance the old user might come across it at some point.

 It seems a personal peeve to you

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Philip027
Quote

 It seems a personal peeve to you

Yes, it is, because of how frequently it happens here for some weird reason.  I am part of a number of forums and necro posting/bumping old threads is generally considered to be a discouraged practice among them.  It contributes to pushing off actual active threads from the front page of a forum where they'll get less attention, usually for no purpose because (as stated) the threads/people being responded to have moved on from the thread, possibly the forum entirely, and often for years.  In short, it's disruptive behavior, even if it's inadvertent.

 

You can google search whatever the heck you want, but please at least try to look at the dates of what you're replying to before feeling like you have to make a reply.  If a particular years-past OP left an impression on you and you want to try to let them know, send them a PM instead of necroing the thread.  (You probably still won't get a response unless they are still active on the forum, but at least that way if you don't get a response you haven't pushed an old dead thread back to the front of the page.)  Google returns a lot of old ass shit and a lot of what you find may not be relevant/current anymore.

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