Ziffler Posted October 13, 2007 Share Posted October 13, 2007 I think people sometimes want you to change because, in their not-so-infinite wisdom, they are certain that it will make you happy.osito I agree. Because they are happy with who and what they are, they (the majority) believe that you/I will be happy also if only we/I changed to be like them. People who do not believe as you, or act like you, or share similar lifestyle as you, can not understand how you can be happy being different from them. Happiness is basically a state of mind. I am happy being me, because I choose to be happy. I could just as easily hate myself for being different than the majority of society. I could blame everyone and everything. I could choose to live in misery. But I don't. I accept myself and am very happy with myself and I like the life I have. Why? Because I choose to. My happiness does not depend on how others feel about me or precieve me. My happiness depends on how I see myself. I choose to be happy, therefore I have an enjoyable life. I live it my way. Link to post Share on other sites
newgirl Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 To all asexual virgin, How do you balance your life with beiing alone and trying to have true friends or bf/gf in your life.I don't have any friends in my life and my brain is missing in depth conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
mackat5 Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 I live alone, but I'm nt alone in this life. I have many friends and I do go to church weekly, plus I'm in the chior. I don't get out much mainly due to not enough money, but as yuou can see, I have something of a social life. VERY important for me! I just can't live totally alone without seeeing somebody. Link to post Share on other sites
thylacine Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 "How do you balance your life with beiing alone and trying to have true friends or bf/gf in your life.I don't have any friends in my life and my brain is missing in depth conversation." Maybe join a club, or something. Check out activities at your local library, maybe a book club. Or volunteer helping elderly people, or volunteer to help children with poor reading skills. Link to post Share on other sites
Tool1989 Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 LOL you aren't a freak. There are people who are virgins and truthfully it doesn't matter whether you are or aren't. You are human and I am human and we are all human! So don't worry you aren't a freak! :) Link to post Share on other sites
thylacine Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Tool is right, you know. Link to post Share on other sites
Ziffler Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 To all asexual virgin, How do you balance your life with beiing alone and trying to have true friends or bf/gf in your life.I don't have any friends in my life and my brain is missing in depth conversation. There is a huge difference in being alone and being alone? Confused? I like being alone, in that I don't want a partner in my life. No b/f or g/f, no wife, no significant other. But I have lots of people in my life so I am not alone in life. There are the people I work with, my family, neighbors, friends and people online. The nice thing about the people in my life, I can take them in degrees. I don't have them with me 24/7, like I would a life partner. Just like coming online here. Sometimes I'm here every day and sometimes I go weeks without looking in here. Can you imagine what a life partner would think and do if you disappeared for weeks without a word? :lol: :lol: :lol: It's really easy to have balance. Friends are easy to make. Just show yourself friendly and you will make many friends. Now trying to get a life partner or b/f, g/f thats more difficult and I don't go there. :lol: :lol: :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
newgirl Posted October 26, 2007 Share Posted October 26, 2007 All i want from people is to commit to our friendship and a man to commit to our relationship but most people nowadays just want casual friendships or relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Nick2 Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 56 year old virgin here and very happy with it that way. My life is full of all the activities I need without any of the distractions that relationships bring. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 To someone who identifies as being asexual, or has discovered that identity somewhere along the line, being "virgin" I think means more than just various organs being manipulated or penetrated or whatever. No matter how many times an asexual has participated in sex with someone else, if you haven't liked it, to me you're a virgin. For some time now, certain women have been called "pre-orgasmic." That's being a virgin because you haven't REALLY participated or felt it (except for feeling uncomfortable). I don't know what to say about men -- i.e., whether if they've participated in the physical act but not liked it, so that makes them also a "virgin" -- because I'm not a man. Men? What do you think? And women who've done the deed without any pleasure -- do you consider yourselves virgins? Link to post Share on other sites
newgirl Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 A straight man or woman loses their virginity via penis and vaginal sex so orgasm has nothing to do with virginity. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 Now that I re-read my own post, Newgirl, I think you're right. Like it or not (and I don't like it), I'm not a virgin. :? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Heligan Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 A straight man or woman loses their virginity via penis and vaginal sex so orgasm has nothing to do with virginity. This post reminded me of when I was 18 and dating the man I lost my virginity to. WARNING A BIT GRAPHIC The first time we tried to have sex, I got freaked out by the pain and he got freaked out by causing the pain and we stopped. I remember wondering after, if that was my virginity gone.... We got there in the end by him just keeping still for a bit after penertration and allowing me to relax before commencing thrusting... To be honest when I think about it I consider my first time/virginity gone the first time we completed the act, but who knows....who really cares. Certainly the emotional impact of losing virginity did not happen until we actually completed the act itself. Honestly though I do have a bit of a issue with 'virginity' being so important. Is virginity even a real thing? Its not really about hymen anymore as most of us are active enough not get the whole blood thing these days (and foreplay is not going to help hymen either). I dont think we should be ashamed of being a virgin or proud of it really. The choices we make about who we are close to should be about affection not some abstract notion. I'm not trying to have a go at anyone just wondering how you all think of it. Just read an article about a 'purity ball' and then there is all the pledging stuff. It reminded me how freaked out I felt when I thought that if I waited until marriage for first sex, then everyone would know when it was happening- creepy- and not really their business. Link to post Share on other sites
newgirl Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 I think in the society that we live in today, we need to show virginity pride so young people under 18 can accept who they are and not feel ashame of not having sex..Why would anybody have an issue with virginity pride?It's a beautiful thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Heligan Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 I think in the society that we live in today, we need to show virginity pride so young people under 18 can accept who they are and not feel ashame of not having sex..Why would anybody have an issue with virginity pride?It's a beautiful thing. Beautiful? I'm not sure I'm really understanding this concept, and I'm not wanting to be massively tactless....but wanting to understand so going to ask more questions. Is it purity you think is beautiful, in and of itself?Or is this the virginity as a wedding gift idea what brings beauty to the concept? Frankly Im not sure I really understand either...and Im struggling to find other reasons that dont demean women as property which I assume is not where you are going with this. I can kind of understand trying to rebalance the value of sexual intimacy as a rebellion against promiscuity but not really seeing that this is just a virginity issue. I mean it would be possible to value virginity but then go off and be a right slapper after that (sort of Ok now Ive given the most precious gift - it demeans everything else I have left to offer). And you may say that Ok so you married the person you 'gave' virginity to, so its ok you can look back to that to reinforce sex you have from then on.... but what if they die, is sex with anyone you marry after less. It seems to be a massive over simplification of a concept that is leading to the idolising of a rather abstract idea. But as I say I want to understand so please if Im getting wrong end of stick - understand Im not trying to be tactless etc. I suppose Im coming from the point of view of not believing in 'soul mates'; hence the position of expecting to compromise on an ideal if I were to be in a relationship. I think the idea of soul mates can block relationship openess.... and I do wonder if a preoccupation with the value of virginity can be yet another block to commitment in what is already a very 'blocked' area for most of us. There is always so much to consider...is this person right for us, we are putting everything in this one basket... finances, children, emotional wellbeing... add to that loss of purity and it gets freaky scary. And I do think the longer you wait the more important everything being perfect gets. Even just valuing sex is difficult enough. After a few years celibate it does seem a big deal to have sex, a huge deal. Im just trying to superimpose virginity over my own experience and it seems almost an emotionally crippling notion. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 Perhaps we're conflating virginity with not having (ever) had sex. The latter could be considered to be a point of pride if you're asexual, because it could mean that you did not give in to pressure or conformity and do something you didn't want to do. But holding virginity to be a good thing in itself--or something that helps us approach "perfection"--seems to me to be leading in the wrong direction. I regret that I spent years thinking I was wrong not to like sex, and if I had had some idea that it was OK to NOT like sex, I would have been happily virgin all of my life. But I don't feel anything at all, particularly, that I'm not a virgin, per se. I admire those who do not compromise and succumb to what they dislike, but that could mean all sorts of things. For instance, if you were a sexual and you lived in a time when it was taboo for women to enjoy sex, not compromising would be to just go ahead and ENJOY it, no matter what society said. So...I think the "virgin discussion" is kind of muddy waters. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Heligan Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 Perhaps we're conflating virginity with not having (ever) had sex. The latter could be considered to be a point of pride if you're asexual, because it could mean that you did not give in to pressure or conformity and do something you didn't want to do. But holding virginity to be a good thing in itself--or something that helps us approach "perfection"--seems to me to be leading in the wrong direction. I regret that I spent years thinking I was wrong not to like sex, and if I had had some idea that it was OK to NOT like sex, I would have been happily virgin all of my life. But I don't feel anything at all, particularly, that I'm not a virgin, per se. I admire those who do not compromise and succumb to what they dislike, but that could mean all sorts of things. For instance, if you were a sexual and you lived in a time when it was taboo for women to enjoy sex, not compromising would be to just go ahead and ENJOY it, no matter what society said. So...I think the "virgin discussion" is kind of muddy waters. I agree with that I think... conformity is bad. At least if you 100% know you are conforming, a lot of people on here do seem to have tried sex more as an exploration though, which I think is ok... Link to post Share on other sites
newgirl Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 I'm alway puzzle when some people have an issue with virginity because it's the safest safe sex choice in the world and I also notice it's only people who LOVE sex or hate sex who have a serious issue with virginity. I am proud of my virginity because it's so easy for me to use sex to get a man or keep him. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Heligan Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 I'm alway puzzle when some people have an issue with virginity because it's the safest safe sex choice in the world and I also notice it's only people who LOVE sex or hate sex who have a serious issue with virginity. I am proud of my virginity because it's so easy for me to use sex to get a man or keep him. Right....... So are you saying that its a pride thing because though you want a commited relationship, and you know you could probably use sex to get it.... because you dont want sex you are proud of not using it as simply a manipulation? The integrity behind that, I can respect, but often you do seem to come across as giving virginity an innate value of its own. And I dont think you have to either love or hate sex to find that bit difficult to understand if it isnt fully explained. The reason I am pushing you a bit, probing a bit.... Is because I do think you have more of a reason than just innate value and I want you to dig it out so we can all benefit from pondering it. A lot of the time we are so used to what we think and value that it takes quite a lot of digging to sort out what the root of that value is. That is all I am trying to get you to do here... because I think you feel so strongly about this that there is something at the root of it (such as integrity) which drives this. Link to post Share on other sites
newgirl Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 I have to take away the virginity topic to answer some of your question because for me,everything i do and say means something to me.It might be stupid or petty but i'm a meaningful person who takes pride in almost everything she does. I believe in discipline,loyality,commitment and patient when it comes to sex and relationship because i know some people in society don't believe in these things when it comes to these issue. I alway will promote virginity pride in people who are waiting for commitment sex or asexual who will never have intercourse because like i said it's a good thing but if you have personal issue too(Not me).I don't think virginity pride going to be a good thing for you if you have personal issue .I don't understand why non virgin would have an issue with virginity pride unless they LOVE sex or hate sex. Link to post Share on other sites
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