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tobi_christina_whichever

Coming Out? Even HARDER than you think.

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tobi_christina_whichever

I know I know. Everyone knows that coming out to people is probably the most stressful, and the hardest thing that you will ever do. 

So I decided to go about coming out to my mom in a casual everyday fashion.

I simply held up the Ace flag with the word "asexual" under it. I laughed and said 

"This is me in a nutshell" she responded thusly,

"Isn't that the thing where you don't like sex?" pause,

"You know that's fake right? Everyone has a sex drive. and even if it wasn't fake. You wouldn't be it. I've seen you gush over hot people before."

In conclusion:

Not only does she not think it is real, but if she did think it was she wouldn't believe me. 

Guys. I. Feel. Amazing.

 

 

 

(Don't get me wrong. I love my mom and every aspect of her. She is an amazing woman that has given me everything. She is just ignorant, and it hurts.)

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argar

Sometimes it takes time to process everything.

 

I know that personally it took me a while to come to terms with my asexuality, and I live inside my own skin.

 

Other people also need some time to come to terms with it as well.

 

At least that is my opinion.

 

I'm glad you made the personal decision to come out, but I am sad it didn't work out a little better.

 

Have a beautiful night.

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tobi_christina_whichever
1 minute ago, argar said:

Sometimes it takes time to process everything.

 

I know that personally it took me a while to come to terms with my asexuality, and I live inside my own skin.

 

Other people also need some time to come to terms with it as well.

 

At least that is my opinion.

 

I'm glad you made the personal decision to come out, but I am sad it didn't work out a little better.

 

Have a beautiful night.

I agree completely. Hopefully, she'll come around. Thank you! and you have a wonderful night also

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nimbus

Congratulations on coming out! Hopefully, you'll feel more comfortable and free to be yourself now. It's funny how the act of saying a few words shouldn't be so hard, but it is. If only we didn't have to think so much and agonize over it beforehand.

 

Sorry to hear your mom wasn't as receptive to it as you'd hoped. That's similar to how it went with my mom recently. You might find that as you become more comfortable as an ace, others will become more comfortable with you being ace too. Your mom may just need more time and exposure to this new part of you. If you continue being open about your ace-ness and don't hold back in expressing yourself, she may start asking you about it more, which can lead to a better discussion of how you feel about asexuality.

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tobi_christina_whichever
Just now, nimbus said:

Congratulations on coming out! Hopefully, you'll feel more comfortable and free to be yourself now. It's funny how the act of saying a few words shouldn't be so hard, but it is. If only we didn't have to think so much and agonize over it beforehand.

 

Sorry to hear your mom wasn't as receptive to it as you'd hoped. That's similar to how it went with my mom recently. You might find that as you become more comfortable as an ace, others will become more comfortable with you being ace too. Your mom may just need more time and exposure to this new part of you. If you continue being open about your ace-ness and don't hold back in expressing yourself, she may start asking you about it more, which can lead to a better discussion of how you feel about asexuality.

That's some solid advice. Thank you. I definitely plan on being very open about my sexuality with her. Hopefully, she'll come around. 

I'm honestly blessed she reacted so well to it. I know so many others get it a lot worse when coming out,

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chandrakirti

Let her sit on it for a while till she's digested what you said, then approach her in a more structured and serious way, just to back up the informal introduction with the flag?:D:cake:

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tobi_christina_whichever
2 hours ago, chandrakirti said:

Let her sit on it for a while till she's digested what you said, then approach her in a more structured and serious way, just to back up the informal introduction with the flag?:D:cake:

I will try something along those lines. Unfortunately when in comes to my mother. When I try to be structured in any sense of the word when trying to speak woth her. She feels, in her own words, trapped and anxious

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Tuple

When I came out to my parents, they were rather doubtful about my asexuality. Of course, it was more than a decade ago and asexuality wasn't really considered a sexual orientation then and hardly anything was known about it. My parents still don't really understand or accept my asexuality. They are, as you say, ignorant and it hurts. I doubt my parents will ever understand or accept. I think a lot it has to do with their age. My parents are in their 70s so they grew up in a time when homosexuality was criminal and considered an illness, sexual orientation and gender identity were not known or discussed outside academic circles, and everybody who was not heterosexual or cisgender fearfully lived in the closet.

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Space-Ace-Android

*Hugs you*

 

Whilst the best advice has already been given, I would suggest being the asexual you around her so she can get used to your orientation. And that you show her this site full of asexual (and other equally awesome) people! Once she sees the amount of people who identify as asexual she will hopefully to begin to accept its validity.  :3 Good luck and I hope your mother will understand soon! <3

 

 

*More hugs*

Image result for HUG gif

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Firefly1495

I've had a hard time being my normal asexual self around my family. I feel like it just makes them uncomfortable and unhappy to be reminded of my ace-ness so I try not to say anything about it. They are ignorant about it like several of you have said, and it definitely hurts to have to pretend to be someone else when I talk to them. Have you guys found you've had a better time coming out to your friends rather than your family? I can talk and joke about it with my friends much easier and they let me just be little ol asexual me. 

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LettACE

Im so sorry she reacted that way! :cake:

 

there is a slight upside though, now tyou've planted the idea in her head. she'll proabably start thinkng about it mre and more, and might even come to realize that not only is asexuality real, but you are ace.

 

Of course, if she's dense enough she might just stick to her ideals, with no thought to even change. 

 

Try to have hope and build a good support system around you. Im sorry it had to turn out this way, some people are absolute ignoramuses.

 

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Kersenne

I understand you. I told my mum I was ace, told her what it was, and she said "Had I known about asexuality when I was your age, I would probably have identified this way as well, but then I met my boyfriends and your father and I knew I wasn't ace. You just have to meet the right person. You should try harder at having sex." 

 

I love my mum too, I deeply respect her and admire her, but that day... Wow, that was a hard blow. After that I stopped talking about sexuality and never again asked her question about sex (I once asked her how you were supposed to know you wanted to have sex and she called me stupid. Eeek I never got my answer^^!) 

 

Thankfully, I've told friends in the meantime and they were much more accepting than my mom, so it helped me accept my asexuality :) 

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CompassionateChimp99

When I told my father I was ace, he simply laughed and told me "You'll grow out of it! It's just a phase!" But now I am the one laughing, as I have moved out and I'm now living my best life. I haven't really talked to my old man since though....

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Just like Jughead

I find it much easier to explain myself rather than say I'm asexual. I mean, I have less of a problem telling someone I'm not interested in having sex with anyone, or that I'm not sexually attracted to anyone, etc. 

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:)(:
On 12/7/2017 at 8:15 PM, Just like Jughead said:

I find it much easier to explain myself rather than say I'm asexual. I mean, I have less of a problem telling someone I'm not interested in having sex with anyone, or that I'm not sexually attracted to anyone, etc. 

Yes I’ve been telling my parents this for a while. even before I knew being asexual was a thing.

 

oh I’m not going to get married ...

 

oh I don’t want to have kids...

 

dont worry dad I defiantly won’t get a boyfriend...

 

In a way it’s funny that I came out to them way before I knew I was (probably ) ace 

 

But will I tell them officially like ever ?

H—L NO

 

I has already dropped hints and they still think I’m going to do stuff like that so why bother...

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awkward_pterodactyl

Me too. I told my mom a little about it, not using the label but explaining that I didn't feel attracted to anyone. She didn't really say anything but I doubt she takes it seriously. I tried to come out to a bi friend but she just told me that I haven't found anyone I like yet. I suppose it's just hard for people to imagine not being attracted to anyone. At least there's AVEN! I hope all of you guys have a good week.

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