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Confused and Unsure


mira414

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I have wondered for a long time whether I fall somewhere under the ace umbrella, and I never feel confident in my answer, so I'm looking for a second opinion. 

I have a desire to have sex, though I've never had desire to have sex with any specific person. 

I masturbate often, and when I masturbate, I fantasize about myself having sex, but the moment it is over, my mood drops and I feel disgusted.

When I have had sex, it was not accompanied by that feeling of disgust.

Even when I've dated, any desire to have sex wasn't ever aimed at the person I was dating, it isn't aimed at anyone.

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2 hours ago, Zenzencat104 said:

If it’s not aimed, you’re asexual.

What??  N-O!! Sexual people desire to have sex for many many reasons and not just looking at someone and wanting to bone them. That misconception is due to the inaccurate media's popularization of male sexuality. Just like Twilight isn't the reality  of most relationships. AVEN defines sexual attraction in the FAQ, which fully translates things to "asexuals don't desire sex". David Jay (this site's founder) went through several different definitions of asexuality before settling on the American cultural phrase 'sexual attraction'. On other servers of AVEN; such as the German one, asexuality is explicitly defined as not desiring sex.

 

@OP

Being repulsed by sexual activity after it's been done is actually pretty common, though it's more common in women. But it's normally reported with sex and not masturbation, and you have the reverse. Doesn't change someone's orientation though. And you didn't mention anything that'd put you on the Gray spectrum. I'm not sure what made you question your sexuality, maybe it's something you didn't mention. Having sexual problems doesn't mean someone's not sexual either. Most sexuals have problems in that department.

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5 hours ago, mira414 said:

I have wondered for a long time whether I fall somewhere under the ace umbrella, and I never feel confident in my answer, so I'm looking for a second opinion. 

I have a desire to have sex, though I've never had desire to have sex with any specific person. 

I masturbate often, and when I masturbate, I fantasize about myself having sex, but the moment it is over, my mood drops and I feel disgusted.

When I have had sex, it was not accompanied by that feeling of disgust.

Even when I've dated, any desire to have sex wasn't ever aimed at the person I was dating, it isn't aimed at anyone.

Sexual attraction is commonly defined in terms of having sexual desires/feelings for other people. Essentially, wanting to have sex with someone because of characteristics of that person which you find sexually arousing/desirable. Those characteristics could include physical appearance, personality, intellect, social status, etc. There is a distinction between sexual orientation (having sexual feelings for particular types of people that direct sexual desires) and reasons for having sex (which might include a desire for physical pleasure, but which isn't itself oriented towards anyone). Thus, if your sexual desires aren't oriented towards anyone, then you might be asexual (on account of lacking an orientation towards anyone), at least according to the way in which sexual orientations and asexuality are commonly defined in psychology.

In that regard, you write that you fantasize about yourself having sex, so a question to consider would be whether those fantasies involve themes/scenarios that suggest directionality towards people of particular sex/genders or other characteristics that make them appealing to you? And second, do you have any particular sex/gender or other preferences for prospective sexual partners that you find arousing or that motivate your sexual interest, or are you simply interested in the act of sex itself?

I would also suggest doing a Google search for "sex-favourable asexuality", a broad term referring to asexuals who find they can enjoy sex, potentially enough to desire partnered sexual encounters. This blog entry, which contains a dialogue between a sociologist who studies asexuality and a noted asexual blogger who identifies as sex-favourable, may be of interest to you: https://markcarrigan.net/2013/09/05/asexuality-identity-and-scratching-an-itch/

I hope this information is useful. Of course, it's ultimately up to you to determine what label fits.

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