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Salemlovesfog

Asking for clarification

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Salemlovesfog

Alright I'll start by saying that I think I'm demipansexual but I just want to be sure. I know that I have a rather high sex drive and that I like sex with people. What has got me confused is whether I'm more turned on by the idea of sex rather than turned on by being able to have sex. It's like this, I have acted on random sex but like I wasn't really all that turned on by it. I got turned on by the physical stimulation rather than the fact that I was having sex. When I'm with someone I know and that I'm comfortable around I don't really have that. TMI part: initial penetration hurts because it's not that hot so to speak with random people. I think it might have to do with not being sensual at the start of the experience but when I word it that way I wonder if that's just more of a preference than an orientation type thing. What are your thoughts on this? 

Edited by Salemlovesfog
There was a typo

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Star Bit

Purvey? Was that a typo lol??

 

Wait, are you saying you desire random sex? Like with someone you've not spent a long time with? That's not demisexual. Being turned on by sex is irrelevant. Was sexual activity with another person mentally desired in the first place? Demisexual is when people NEED an abnormal span of time exposed to someone before they desire sex. Preferring sex with someone you know isn't demisexual. Nor is demisexual a sexuality. The term ends in sexual so you fully know what this variation of the prefix refers to. Demi is a prefix people can add to their sexuality much like "heterosexual fetishist"; a needed detail about one's sexuality but being a fetishist isn't a sexuality. Sexual orientation is about WHO someone desires sex with, not how. And if sex hurts then you shouldn't be having it. You need to be vocal about needing more foreplay before having sex or that your partner needs to apply lube (both of which are very normal for females; Google arousal non-concordance). That or partake in different types of sex.

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Salemlovesfog

Purvey was definitely a typo lol. 

 

I get what you're saying. I want to say though that the random sex thing was more about wanting to experience it rather than out right desiring it. It's like fantasizing about it turns me on but the opportunity doesn't. Even if they are aesthetically pleasing. What it's like, in that sort of situation, is I need the physical stimulation to get turned on. As far as being with someone I know I don't need that much foreplay to be ready for penetration. 

 

Also I'm genderfluid as well as afab, so please don't refer to me as a girl/female. I go by they them and as enby. 

 

 

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Salemlovesfog

I think I figured out a better way to describe it. (sorry I'm not that good with words). It's like I tried out a couple of one night stands because I thought that since I have a high sex drive and wasn't that into emotional connection at the time it would make sense. I wanted to get off, rather than seeing the person and thinking to myself that I wanted to have sex with them.  Which on its own sounds like a preference. The fact is that I didn't get turned on by the situation at all. I didn't get off on it either. The physical sensations were nice but I got rather impatient with the experience. As for those I knew and considered to a least be friends I would be turned on at least to a certain extent before anything physical happened and I would sometimes initiate sexual situations. 

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Star Bit

Being mentally ready for penetration isn't the same as physically. Again, look up arousal non-concordance. It's when mental interest doesn't match sexual arousal; either mentally 'aroused' but not as much physically i.e. wet, or sexually aroused by an act you don't desire to be done. Which again is very very common for female bodied people. Most of them also need sexual arousal or foreplay in order to trigger their desire for sex. So needing foreplay to get turned on enough to desire sex is normal. Needing a bond for sex is also very normal for them. The bio female mind is more complex and has more sensitive arousal breaks than the male mind.

 

Wanting sex in general/to just get off is still desiring sex and completely normal. Looking at someone and getting the impulse to have sex is how most MALES are. Male and female sexuality are two different things. No one noticed until recently because it was never an appropriate thing to study until now, and even then it's still an understudied field. Most (sexual) female bodied people rarely if never experience sexual attraction and desire sex for other reasons. I can link you videos explaining all this.

 

So what you've been talking about is your arousal in response to a bond/liking someone, not the actual desire for sex emerging after an abnormal span of time. You just want sex with ppl you know because the sex is better. In that case, this has nothing to do with demisexuality but preference. Sexual people can have an active sex-drive and not be into one night stands; doesn't revoke their sexuality card or put them on the Gray spectrum.

 

Note, you can put your gender in your profile.

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Salemlovesfog

I read about it directly after reading your comment this time, instead of letting myself get sidetracked. My impression after reading about is that with someone I'm close to I have both mental and physical arousal towards them. With the random people it's like there was physical arousal after things got started. The mental side of it was more like I'm not into this guy this way but let's see how it goes. 

This is confusing to me. It's like I could see this from both points of view but I'm not sure what actually fits. 

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roland.o
On 11/26/2017 at 12:24 AM, Salemlovesfog said:

it's like there was physical arousal after things got started.

Have you read about "responsive sexual desire"?

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