I regret losing my virginity NSFW

[I hate Sex I'm blunt sorry]

So, when I was dating this girl my friend hooked me up with. She kissed me. I liked it a lot. But, then other things happened that scared me. On the 3rd date she gave me oral sex. I hated it. I didn’t want to do this in the car, problem was she is a big woman. I couldn’t say “no” I felt. I did say “can we not do this?” “I don’t think this is a good idea” so, she said “stop being a Winnie” was very aggressive to me. Bothered me a lot. When I touched her hair to be romantic she pushes my hand away. 

 

The last east time I dated her I had sex with her. She’s got a great body. Great personality she’s a bigger girl no shame in that. I liked that she was a bigger girl. But, then after I was done. She jumps on me a second time to have sex with me without a rubber, that really bothered me. So, now I’ve been sad about it: I still wish I was a virgin. I liked the purity feeling. Now, I feel used. I felt used for sex. Didn’t feel like love. Been depressed. I’m 29 I feel like I’ll never find someone. 

[Lonemathsytoothbrushthief]

*Hugs* Sorry that happened to you, from a fellow sex-repulsed person.

[Mermaidy]

idk if it's worth mentioning but the first situation from the context was rape

[Colour]

I'm really really sorry this happened to you. Hopefully you're able to get it out of your head as time passes.

 

Before this, you felt pure. Afterwards you felt used.

 

Maybe you could try and think about it as an experiment, which taught you valuable knowledge.

You're still as pure as you were before, if you consider your mind instead.

 

I'm a big fan of getting something positive out of a bad experience. And maybe it's not time for that yet.. but I hope you'll be able to, eventually.

Of course they wont outweigh the 'bad stuff'.. but an example of a small positive thought could be:

Now you wont have to doubt certain thoughts any more; if you wouldn't have done it, you could/would/might be worrying/over-thinking about it still.

 

Either way... I hope you'll find some support; either on this site, or in real life. You don't have to process this alone.

Take care!

 

 

[Miss Anne Thrope]

I'm sorry that that happened to you. What she did was not okay. You did not consent to the oral sex, and you did not consent to sex without a condom. What she did was sexually abusive, and it shouldn't have happened. 

Please understand that this wasn't your fault. The way you are feeling right now is understandable. You say that it didn't feel like love, and that's because it wasn't - a person who truly loved and respected you would be sensitive to your needs and desires and would willingly slow down or stop completely if you wanted them to.

Unfortunately, you can't change what has already happened, but know that it doesn't change who you are; it doesn't make you any less. I hope that with time, this experience will make you stronger and more in tune with your personal wants and needs. Until then, I and the others on this forum will be here if you need to talk to someone. Welcome to our community.

[Colour]

23 minutes ago, Miss Anne Thrope said:

Please understand that this wasn't your fault. The way you are feeling right now is understandable. You say that it didn't feel like love, and that's because it wasn't - a person who truly loved and respected you would be sensitive to your needs and desires and would willingly slow down or stop completely if you wanted them to.

This!