How do depressions change your crushes?

[howtobegeek]

Hi everyone,

So over the last time I feel kind of depressed. Ithe comes in phases and I just lie in bed and force myself to go to school. I either feel nothing or I feel really sad. Like even things that would normally make me feel really happened just make me feel a little but happy for about 10 seconds and then I go back to feeling nothing again. 

But then last week I realised I have a really big crush on this one guy in my class (I've just been to this class for two weeks) and today was his last day at my school. I prepared myself for really feeling down today after seeing him for the last time but then when I left school I felt nothing again. Like yesterday in the evening and the day before I was really devastated that he would leave and today that feeling just wasn't there any more. 

And the same happened to my other crush on this girl I have. I either feel really sad that we will never be a couple and that she won't reciprocate my feelings, or I just feel nothing about her at all. 

I wanted to ask if anyone feels the same here or how you feel different from that. 

Thanks in advance,

😘🍰

[swirl_of_blue]

I've had symptoms of depression since I was seven, so I have never had crushes while not depressed so I don't know how being depressed vs not being depressed changes crushes. But this

22 minutes ago, howtobegeek said:

I either feel really sad that we will never be a couple and that she won't reciprocate my feelings, or I just feel nothing about her at all. 

feels really familiar. Having a crush is very much in the same category as "it would be nice if I could fly": a nice fantasy and daydream, but ultimately impossible. Thinking of it just reminds me of how it's never going to happen so it's better to just let go as fast and completely as possible to not be hurt any more than is absolutely necessary.

[howtobegeek]

Thanks for your answer. It always lifts me up when I see that I'm not the only one feeling like that. I hope you feel better soon.

😘

[Janus the Fox]

I've had clinical depression for majority of life for which only recently medicated, have only had one crush on a girl in my teens and the one recent relationship that covered the whole gamut of romance for a man.  So 2 total in 30 years, cant really say its because of depression or a normal part of being asexual and a very light grey romantic as an autistic adult with long term historically unmedicated depression.

[RottenInDenmark]

can identify with depression changing one’s crushes, or at least what I thought was a crush. But I remember being so sick because of depression that I have no fathom on who I was anymore. And I didn’t know if my crushes were real or I just missed human connection.  even just doing things i liked was hard ( anti-depression did not help) and dealing with depression and pursuing people seems impossible, But just talking to someone about it helped. 

but I hope you know, your feelings are valid, it’s not wrong.

 

going through life 20% is still something ( at least in my chase (>v<) 

 

hope you feel better, hang in there (^^)  🍰 

[EggplantWitch]

I've had a total of 1 legitimate crush in my life (which started a couple of months ago and I'm still working through...) so I can't really offer any advice on what crushes were like for me before or during my depression because there weren't any. But I did have a fake crush/crush-on-the-idea-of-a-crush on a friend who supported me and I think one of the contributing factors could have been how kind he was to me and I locked onto that, kind of like an addiction. I realised seconds after I told him and he turned me down that it was fake, because it didn't hurt or sting and I actually felt really relieved that we'd cleared the air and could go on as better friends knowing where we both stood (and we're close friends to this day). But I can imagine that to someone who experiences real crushes during their depression the devastation of it not being reciprocated, either because the crush turns you down or they move away, would be magnified ten times.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this, and I hope you come out the other side like I managed to. There's often threads in the Intersectionality forum aimed at aces with depression or other mental disorders so do check them out if you haven't already - a cursory browse pulled up this one on the front page.

[howtobegeek]

Thanks for all your honest answers. 

😘🍰

[Warsaw]

I don't tend to get crushes, but get slightly obsessed with finding out lady's feelings if I suspect they have a crush on me (can't read ques, expressions, etc,) due to my tendency to want to be in control of my surroundings.  It doesn't change with my mood really.  I'm more inquisitive then anything, wanting to know the answer to the question rather then desiring any particular outcome.

[Laplace]

A symptom of depression is apathy and reduced affect so it can definitely mute your feelings at certain times. It could also magnify your feelings of hopelessness and despair when your crushes flare up again as well. It can cause or be comorbid with depersonalization/derealization which can further twist and muddle those feelings. It’s a rough condition as you’re unfortunately likely intimately familiar with. ☹️

[doggalogga]

I have apathy all the time.

However, I am not depressed emotionally due to my good friend, Mr Aropax (paroxetine)

 

If being asexual has taught me anything, it's that no matter my circumstances, I'm never the only one

 

When I am truly down though, I tend to become insular so I then become disinterested in others, or socialising

 

If you feel you need help in dealing with depression, please speak to your doctor and get a referral to a psychiatrist. It can really help

[howtobegeek]

Thanks so much for all your replies. They really help me. 😘

I consider going to see a therapist just to know if I really have depression or if it's just because of puberty and stuff, but atm I'm away from home, so I have to wait until next year...