My Thanksgiving conversation.

[Warsaw]

I was told today by my family that my future wife is living in Southeast Asia, Russia, or the Eastern Bloc countries, and that they prefered her to look European.  This delivered in a deadpan German accent.  There was a general agreement around the table.

 

I haven't been this upset in a while actually.  One I find the practice of mail order brides to be abhorrent, and would never want to take advantage of a nice lady from the developing world.

 

I'm on the verge of coming out as ace to my family, but basically was told that they would rather me marry a foreigner than be alone.  This is a rather new subject to have to defend against, and I more or less was overwhelmed by the number of people at the table in aggreement on the subject.

[Lonemathsytoothbrushthief]

That sounds scary, I'm sorry

[Warsaw]

This is actually making me question my reticence of coming out as Ace, I think it's going to have to happen soon, much sooner than I anticipated.  I know my parents will accept whatever makes me happy, and this might have been in my entended family's minds a elaborate completely unfunny joke, but these things are getting out of hand.  I can't rely on Aspbergers as an excuse anymore, and have to take a firmer position.

 

I just really don't want to turn in my heterosexual credentials.

[arekathevampyre]

Very upsetting !! 

[Apathetic Echidna]

That sounds fairly horrific. A completely unfunny joke if it was meant to be one. The best thing would have been a sarcasticly impossible scenario come-back or just telling them it was inappropriate. 

[njosnavelin]

Why would you “come out” to tell them your asexuality when they don’t even accept your current perceived  sexuality.  How does that fix the issue with your family telling you to settle down with a mail order bride. They can’t even accept you being single and on your own.

 

My suggestion when the conversation get beyond my control let it go. It can happen when within your group of friends. A bunch of you are in a cluster. One person makes a statement the next person chimes in trying to one up the last statement said and the frenzy begans.  Once the feast has ended either say nothing or inject, “That isn’t ever my intent”.

[Warsaw]

This might be partly my fault.  I'm not out, and my track record as a "heterosexual" male is pretty abysmal, with me leaning towards Aro Ace.  They have expected/wanted me to pair up for 13 years now.  It's a real identity check.  They might see me as extremely frustrated and lonely when I'm actually quite content.  I just didn't want to alter my public or familial identity, or have been putting it off indefinitely.  I don't want people to associate that kind of desperation with me.

[njosnavelin]

1 minute ago, Warsaw said:

 when I'm actually quite content. 

That is all you need to say. The rest is up to them.

[Warsaw]

11 minutes ago, njosnavelin said:

Why would you “come out” to tell them your asexuality when they don’t even accept your current perceived  sexuality.  How does that fix the issue with your family telling you to settle down with a mail order bride. They can’t even accept you being single and on your own.

Misinformation might have lead to false expectations, and them having at least decent intentions, a heterosexual male might have actually taken that advice seriously with my track record (31 years single.)  If I were actively persuing relationships I would see that it could be percieved as very bad from an outside perspective.  

[njosnavelin]

For me I suppose the disconnect is understanding the need to coming out. It is private conversation for myself. You don’t have to tell people you are asexuality. I don’t think you mislead anyone. You aren’t in a committed relationship with someone “discovering” your asexuality where one is intimate with another. 

 

I am poor at expressing it. It has never been important to “come out” to others on my asexuality. It isn’t their business as I see it. I think it is up to you what you are conformable with. I am stepping out of the way. 

[Warsaw]

5 minutes ago, njosnavelin said:

For me I suppose the disconnect is understanding the need to coming out. It is private conversation for myself. You don’t have to tell people you are asexuality. I don’t think you mislead anyone. You aren’t in a committed relationship with someone “discovering” your asexuality where one is intimate with another. 

 

I am poor at expressing it. It has never been important to “come out” to others on my asexuality. It isn’t their business as I see it. I think it is up to you what you are conformable with. I am stepping out of the way. 

I definately agree with what you say.  Every word actually.  I don't really want to come out at all, and it's not something I want to do.  I also don't think I purposefully mislead anybody, or have any sort of requirement to do so.  Also these are relatives I don't generally interact with, so I really don't have to deal with this nonsense until the next federal holiday that specifies that families get together.  My parents and siblings (the relatives that matter) are cool with what I do as long as I am happy and not committing felonies, and generally independant.  More to the point I find as I go that I really don't owe anybody an explanation.

 

My problem is I take things very literally.  I can't read people.  It could have been banter.  I just said I'm exhausted from so many people talking about me and walked away, then purposefully started napping.

[Laplace]

Ah yes, the family meddling at family gatherings; it’s not so bad in my case, but I got a ton of cousins (nearly all girls) who are getting married and having kids so everyone’s wondering when I’ll even get a single date. It’s even worse that I’m one of the only guys in my generation and I’m at that eligible age (23) where everyone expects me to have had at least one relationship. 😕 I know they’re just concerned, but it’s tiresome sometimes to fend them off 😅.

[thylacine]

They cannot force you to marry without your consent, and that is that.  Not in the US of A.  Even with the Evil Dark Overlord Donald Vader Trump presiding, they still cannot force you to marry, so at least that has not change ... yet.